First gen, first year lawyer here. What do you do when you have family members who expect money from me every paycheck. I try to stand my ground but I get guilt tripped, especially when those family members were there for me.

It’s getting hard to save money when there is this expectation that I must give them money every paycheck. It feels like I have nothing for myself.

likesmart
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I dealt with the same situation. Therapy helped develop strategies for this. But in short, you have to set boundaries and be prepared to feel uncomfortable. You’re not their piggy bank.

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Absolutely! Anyone who is telling you this is normal and to just give in has not learned how to set boundaries. Yes, we have to set boundaries with our own family members too sometimes. Just because people are adults does not mean they always act like it and know what is best.

Start asking *them* for money in the middle of the month. 😂 pretend you’re in need. Nobody asks me for moneu because I try to ask the one person in my family who gossips for money, and now people know I don’t have it like that. Who is that family crier in your family?

likefunny

Say you have no money. Just because you’re a lawyer doesn’t mean you’re rich? 🤷‍♀️

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True. Say you have to spend it on booze and antidepressants now that you're an attorney.

This is very Asian, aren't you? It becomes harder when there are relative who let you borrow money once for your tuition fees, then that one time favor becomes a forever mandatory gratitude. But now I have learned to set boundaries. They can't do that to me forever. I don't mind being forever gracious with my parents but not with distant relatives. I have no obligation of whatsoever.

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Only give the amount you feel comfortable with. I was in a similar situation and stopped giving monthly, parent got furious and didn’t speak to me for close to a year. I went to therapy for emotional support. Parent woke up one day and decided to reconnect. Now I give on bday and holidays and only offer to cover bigger bills / expenditures if and only when I feel like it

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THIS! Always set boundaries. I understand that it's hard to say no to family but setting up boundaries would save you a lot of headache in the future.

It's hard to say no to family but they are absolutely not entitled to the results of your hard work. Stay strong.

I got into a similar situation with my parents. Not monthly, but I got incredible blowback from giving them too little after they came to visit, after blowing my entire previous month’s salary on them. I held my ground, but felt very sad that they were so grabby. Funny enough, they are not poor or even middle class, but live way above their means.

I feel you! But then I realized that this is not doing any good for me. We're in a dark time now so I braved myself up and set boundaries. I had to tell myself that this won't be easy and might make things worse but who cares. It's tge fruit of my labor. I should be the one to decide what to do with it. I will never regret this!

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