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I believe the act is never forgotten, but I believe forgiveness takes time to rebuild trust and also it takes a lot of effort from both parties
Depends what your personal values are and if this is something you consider non negotiable. If that’s the case no matter how much you try, it will be extremely hard for you to forgive the person without being resentful.
But if you truly feel the person made a mistake, and is really regretting their choices, willing to do the repair and move forward, then you work with them and create a framework of what the future should look like. Either way, I highly recommend therapy. I did individual therapy to understand what is important to me and how to effectively communicate my boundaries and hurt.
There are no rules. That’s a personal decision.
I think it's possible, albeit very difficult, for some people to move past it. I know I'm not one of them. I wouldn't be able to let go of that resentment and wouldn't have any interest in rebuilding the relationship once that trust has been shattered.
My wife cheated on me when we had only been married five years. When I discovered the affair, I had three thoughts. The first would have been a permanent solution and resulted in someone else raising my son. The second would have been a permanent remedy for the hate, anger and humiliation I was feeling. The third was to divorce her. However, I knew then and still know that we love each other to distraction. The fact is, the greater the love the more painful the betrayal. We stayed together and she expressed sincere regret at what she did and how it affected me. I believe her. I trust her. I love her. I told her I would never bring up the issue, and I haven't. Do I forgive her? Absolutely. Have I forgotten the incident? Of course not. It is a part of my history, just as our wedding, the birth of three children and all of the other joys and tragedies we have endured together. What happened to the other guy, you may ask? Apparently he left town right after that and has never been seen or heard from again.
There needs to be a radical change that is agreed to and stuck with—deep therapy, rehab for alcohol abuse and sobriety, for example.
Like others have said, it’s very difficult for those who don’t view the act as a deal breaker entirely. Personally I wouldn’t trust that person anymore. It’s a personal decision whether they try to repair that relationship or not. I would definitely try to find the root cause of what led to that choice. Normally it’s because there is something missing in the relationship that either hasn’t been communicated or it has been rejected in some way. Not excusing the act either, I think people should just be more upfront and leave if they are unhappy before cheating… have some respect for someone you supposedly love.
Absolutely going to be a personal decision that only that person can figure out. It’s also a lot easier from the outside looking in when trying to say what you would do in that position. Definitely agree therapy or some outside perspective would have to be brought in. Or else I could just see it being an even bigger issue down the road.