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I’ve been off most of this year having had to undergo a stem cell transplant. It’s nice that you want to do something thoughtful for your wife - I can’t imagine how stressful this period must be for you.
Cancer treatment is body and mind wrecking and I think what I’ve found most helpful is humour. Go see or do something that makes her laugh.
Wishing you guys all the best.
I think people see a lot of grand gestures on social media and think we all need to splurge a ridiculous amount of money so our significant other can feel that we love them. But I think it's more so the little things that you do and think goes unnoticed. You've probably noticed what her favorite meal is, what types of food she can tolerate while being on cancer treatment, all the little things you've noticed- you can use that.
You can just cook her favorite meal or what she likes to eat right now. Set the table and light some candles. Bonus- play her favorite type of music and when a song she likes come on ask her to dance.
See if you can ask a relative to watch the kids for a bit so you two can have date night in.
I'm sorry your wife is going through this. I hope this helps a bit.
Maybe even a nice comfy outfit for her, new blanket and rent some movies. Make a nice night in where she can truly just relax. If she had surgery that recovery is no joke. If she is up to it, a nice day out in nature is great too.
First of all, so sorry to hear about what you’re both going through. That must be so tough mentally and physically and also such a whirlwind of emotions.
Some potential ideas: put together a scrapbook/photo album. Make a list of movies you want to watch together and go all out in making your home cosy/like a cinema with some snacks from the supermarket. If you can get a sitter, maybe finding a really nice park nearby to go for a walk or a picnic.
Get a sitter and take a day trip to a lake, beach, or other outdoors spot. National/state parks are an affordable getaway, typically just a car entry fee under $25 or parking charge, and if you don't stay overnight then no hotel expense
I am sorry you both are going through this.
Cancer sucks.
But. Just make her feel special. Make the whole day about her. Start with breakfast in bed. Move to either a lazy day on the couch, order lunch, then do her favorite activities or vice versa. End with a nice dinner (doesn’t have to be expensive) with her alone.
A day focused on her doesn’t have to be expensive, it just shows that you care and pay attention to what she likes in life.
My perfect day:
Breakfast, that I don’t have to cook or clean up.
Lazy morning on the couch with some snacks.
Lunch with the family.
Let me leave and get a pedicure and go shopping at my favorite store or target. Then either a coffee bar or wine bar.
Come home and get ready.
Dinner and drinks
Then come back home and adult time.
I would say, my husband would never think or this or ask. So props to you!
So sorry to hear about your wife. It’s such an exhausting (physically and emotionally) process to navigate. I hope you are being supported too.
My friend is also going through cancer treatment and we’ve found the small things are really helpful: foot rubs or reflexology, nice lotions (with magnesium in if it’s allowed to help with relaxing), candles, fresh sheets, herbal teas, eye masks, having her favourite food cooked for her, homemade ginger shots in the morning. I echo the sentiments above, peace and quiet is sometimes a real luxury so if someone can take the kids for a night and you can have dinner at home, a glass of wine if she feels like it, a foot rub and bed - I’m sure she would love that!
Wishing her a healthy recovery and sending you both a lot of positive energy ❤️
Sorry you are going through this OP. Perhaps get some family over to help take care of kids for a couple days, and take her out to a quick staycation or road-trip. Let her know you care about her as your wife not just as the kids’ mom. Hope she recovers soon!
I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through, OP. You’re all definitely in my thoughts and prayers.
That is very thoughtful of you. I would recommend: getting your wife’s favorite flowers, writing a sweet and thoughtful card, ordering your wife’s favorite food, buying your wife’s favorite dessert or snacks, going to favorite meaningful places with shared memories with your wife (can be a restaurant, park, school, place where you first met, place where you proposed, place where you got married, etc.), hiking or short distance road tripping, enjoying nature, buying your wife outfit(s) that she wants, paying for your wife’s pedicure and manicure, watching your wife’s favorite movie(s) together, playing your wife’s favorite game(s) together (card games, board games, video games, etc.), going to your wife’s favorite nice coffee shop or dessert place together (ice cream parlor, boba tea spot, bakery, etc.), ice skating or bowling or your wife’s favorite activity.
It is responses like these that make me believe in the good of humans and gives me hope for us all. I have nothing to offer except my love and prayers for you and your family.
Get a family member or friend to take you kid for the night. Have a nice time at home with her enjoying her favorite things. Draw her a bubble bath and play her favorite low key music so she can relax while you cook her favorite food. After dinner watch her favorite movie together, give her a foot massage, etc. whatever she is into. Let her relax and enjoy time with you.
If she is the type of person who can’t relax bc she’s always thinking about what she has to do (laundry, mail that returned purchase, etc.) then make an effort to tackle that stuff for her BEFORE you have your special night. That will be huge.
Sending you positive vibes and pray for you and your wife. I imagine travel is difficult at this time, so I would recommend just do the little things. Breakfast in bed. Movie time (if possible, a nice little movie date at a theater). Dinner date where you make something.
You will get through this.
Can I just ask why she’s on unpaid leave? If she has used all her sick leave, she can take short term disability and get some, if not all her pay. Where does she work? Most companies have short term leave benefits.
Very sorry to hear about your wife, all the best wishes to your family.
I agree the small things count and showing empathy. Helping more arnd the house just to take make her feel that you're supporting in her in any way you can. I would say more of smaller gestures than a grand gesture would be the way to go.
It's a difficult time so it must be taking a toll on you as well, so pls take care of your physical and mental health. It will help you stay positive and enable you to provide her the support she needs to get through this.
Was coming to all the same. Great ideas provided by the contributors here but narrowing down the list to those that speak to her main love languages will help a lot.
So sorry for your wife’s diagnosis. Have you looked into any non profits that offer emotional support for cancer patients? A friend of mine had serious breast cancer and there is an organization called Beautiful Self, which does a day of pampering and an all out photo shoot for women with breast cancer. My friend raves about it. Granted it is more of a patient focused thing, but I bet if you found something like that for her, she would be super excited and you could be her cheerleader/supporter. Something fun for her that she probably wouldn’t normally do.
A pop up picnic could be a really fun, sweet and an inexpensive way to create a loving memory during this rough patch. They are about 2 hours+ and have a beautiful aesthetic.
I'm so sorry about your wife. Cancer sucks and it impacts the whole family. I really appreciate that you're trying to do something nice for her.
Depending on her energy level and the weather, I'd recommend either visiting a nearby park/doing a hike or having a day inside where you guys try a new recipe and/or have a movie marathon or play some games. It's the little things that matter most
This is really thoughtful. Find a friend to babysit for free. Cook her dinner, take her for a pretty drive (fall colors?), pack a picnic lunch … just spend some quality time with her. No talk about kids or cancer or anything worrisome. Maybe retell your love story - how you met, how you fell in love with her, how you are still in love with her.
If you can, have a family member take the kids, and hopefully overnight if you can. If you live in the upper half of the country, look at fall foliage in your area and go look at the leaves changing colors (this will only cost you gas, and TBH- you may be able to take the kids with). Plan a picnic in a park, or really just get away from the kids for a night.
Only you know what your wife really wants. If you really listen to what she wants, she may be telling you what she needs right now.
Honestly a really thoughtful letter explaining how much you care about her can do a lot. Leave notes around the house. Give her a random call from work once in a while. It’s just about showing that she is on your mind, that she is a priority for you.