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What are the monetary benefits we receive in GOC
BDO India Hello fellow consultants, i have been offered a package of 66K GBP from Deloitte UK for the position of Manager, Cyber Internal Audit, Financial Services, Risk Advisory, Manchester. I am currently working for BDO India and will be relocating, what are your views on this? What are the extra relocation and accomodation benefits i can ask for? I am a 24 year old bachelor. BDO
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Damn. I know y’all make BANKKKKKK. Anyway, sorry OP. It’s probably best to walk away. Seems like this will not end well.
Pro
Having kids now is not the same as 40 years ago. You essentially have no rights or control over your child once they start school. And they teach a lot of unnecessarily extra things in school that are not in their swimlane to be teaching. Unless you find the right private school or have a group of tutors you will put together to homeschool, the stress is too much. And who knows what the future holds 15 years down the road. God forbid you and your spouse part ways on less than good terms. It happened to me. After almost 15 years and 3 kids, marriage was done. And she turned into the nastiest, pettiest human being ever. Completely out of left field too. Could have never imagined it prior to.
To Product Manager 1 - I don't know where you live (where do you live?), but deciding whether or not to have kids based on what they teach in school is weird, and that's not the term I'd rather use. Are your fears based on a political agenda? Have your kids been vaccinated? Are there bottles of Tylenol in your household?
Thirties is a funny age. Tonnes of choices money and fun become a tonne of pressure to conceive. I didn’t want to so I didn’t. Seemed like a real drag.
‘I don’t regret it’ I said for 2 decades. I didn’t … now I do. Mid fifties no kids. No grandkids. Doing the family tree: I’m at the bottom with nothing beyond me. I’ve got back to 1250 AD and I’ve stopped the blood line. I feel like shouting up the tree to the ancestors ‘sorry, I just couldn’t be bothered at 33!’ Sure I wouldn’t have had kids for that purpose but the tree looks stark, pointless. I’ve snapped a bloody great branch off. Oops.
Where the kids school and what they teach? Dont listen to that. They’ve got loads more to contend with yet; let’s not start listing what a pain it is to have kids, the list is long.
See the bigger picture step back.
Step forward to 60; no kids no family, your social life is your friends? They won’t be around… they will have moved, had kids, they’ll touch base if you’re great friends. The greatest ones, they’re great. But seriously no family means friends become family, but usually because they haven’t got kids too.
Couples Counselling might help.
You probably should have contemplated this before you formally tied the knot, but if there is any piece of you that is resenting doing more of the household work and caring for the dog, just imagine a child (not say you are just trying to go off the given context). Perhaps subconsciously not having kids wasn’t a deal breaker when you met your husband because you were more indifferent than you realized. Did you think about what it would mean to have kids or just sort of assume you would because that’s what’s common in society?
You’re both in demanding careers and I’m sure you can find more ways to fill out your life other than having kids. I don’t have kids and I don’t plan to, so I have given thought on how I want to spend my life and time in a future without children. Also I hear you on the biological clock thing a bit, wanting to do it sooner rather than later for various reasons, but more women in their 40s are having children than teenagers. It is possible.
If you split, what’s your prospect of having kids soon? You’d need to divorce, find another partner and remarry unless you wanted to pursue single motherhood. I’m not trying to be overly negative here but I think you need to take serious stake of your options.
I don’t necessarily think it’s the best thing to tell anybody “well you should’ve done this…”. OP’s here because she wants advice and she can’t change what happened in the past. People change their minds and positions on things. My husband was the first man ever in my life that I would consider having kids… But guess what? As the marriage continued and life changed and time went on, we both would talk about our views of children and everything. Now, neither of us feel like we miss anything and we don’t have any kids without any regret. So you just have to figure out what your non-negotiables are. Spending my life with a partner who totally gets me allowed me to be in this place where we both started being open to kids (frankly, he wanting them more than me initially because I think he just thought that’s what couples do automatically is have kids) and then having conversations about the world and life views to the final realization that kids are not what either of us want. Basically, have more conversations, don’t convince each other, but if kids is totally what you want and he doesn’t, then you know your answer.
If you want kids and your partner doesn’t, you should get a fertility workup and see if you’re likely to have issues or not. I am in my mid-30s and have infertility (first in my family, even with women in my family starting late as well). Even if you’re on the fence, you’re definitely running out of time (but you still have time) to make moves here. If your husband is dead set against it, I’d start with egg freezing and separating/divorcing as a means to progress forward. You can take supplements to increase your odds, and hopefully take a little time to decide if you want to try dating for this compatibility or just select a donor and proceed. Best luck whatever you decide.
We had decided against having kids. Then my wife's work colleagues started having kids, and she got baby fever. We're both older. Long story short, we ended up doing egg donation, and our kids are now in college.
My wife was over 40. However, at that time, she was an ob-gyn (she still is an ob-gyn) at a major hospital in a large city, so she personally knew who were the best docs for our situation. It didn't work on the first try, but obviously we were eventually successful.
And by the way, there is a bowl for people who don’t have …kids you might wanna look into that
At your income bracket there’s people to take on some of the responsibilities (dog walker, personal assistant, personal trainer, chef, etc). It sounds like you need that regardless of having kids.
I personally would not use any of that as an excuse for not having children. There are many high income people who manage that. If you want stress be a poor single mom or dad.
I don't think you'll regret not having kids but will strain your marriage if you do. But I'm a stranger on the internet. I do happen to be much older and have seen a lot. Children do not make your life better or happy, you're their to make their lives better and happy. And that means doing all the labor even when your spouse decide their career and exhaustion matter more.