i am irrationally angry/annoyed at my job and it’s affecting my personal life.

My bosses expect me to pick up the slack from other coworkers and I am one of the only people on the team who constantly has statutory deadlines year round (both GAAP or IRS driven) so slacking off really isn’t an option.

any tips on how to cope? i don’t want this affecting my romantic relationship

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Just…don’t? It’ll go against every fiber of your being and will be a major shift but you have to start saying no. Nobody else will set boundaries for you.

Hopefully you have good management and they will understand and you may find they actually respect you more in the long run

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Curious, how do you keep your job after doing that? You are a manager, obviously done something right. I am working more than ever now and it isn’t even busy season for me.

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Continue but start looking for a new job and a replacement, in case your managers are not on your side. However, assuming they are, maybe confirm with them that you are prioritizing your main work above the random extra deliverables and start documenting the extra requests for bonus season, or in case you start to fall behind. I would also figure out why other coworkers need you to pick up slack and chat with them to figure out what's up. You could answer a question or two while having them share screen, then communicate to them that you have no bandwidth to help them more at the moment, but can try to help out with questions they might have in a few days, week (whatever date is after their deadline). On top of this, you can see if a little training session from you or a friend might help them tackle what is on their plate in general, so that you don't have to step in as much. The reason for a challenge like this is typically one of 4 things: 1. more work than is possible to do due to bad management scoping, 2. inadequate training from you, 3. slacking somewhere else in the delivery chain, or 4. some mix of 2 or 3 of these.

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Are you in industry by any chance?
If so look I am going through similar situation.

Grant Thornton excellent point

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