I have been married for over 3 years now. We married after dating for 4 years.I feel the relationship dynamics changed after we got married.She is not so keen on sexual intimacy which led me to some addictions that I'm now I'm trying to get out of.She doesn't want kids but I love kids.We don't seem to have the chemistry we used to have.She always keeps talking about what I could do better.She is an amazing person & I still love her.I've gone silent lately but resentment is piling up. Any advice?

Intimacy starts outside of the bedroom. Try doing some nice things without the expectation of sex. Clean up the house, take her out for dinner, plan a fun night in. The more you get angry about the lack of sex, the less interested she will be. It needs to happen organically without pressure or expectations.

Could she not be wanting s3x because she doesn't want to end up pregnant?

If yall can figure the kids thing out...here are some practical tips. But the kids thing is way more import and pressing. That's grounds for divorce seriously. Kids vs no kids is something you should be aligned on.

Practical tips for intimacy: most women (except myself, I'm like a man lol and my husband is like a woman with the emotional ties to s3x)

-you need to warm her up all day. This includes compliments, being nice and speaking her love language. Fill up her love tank. (Include a couple sexual things in there as the intimacy grows but really not at first - let's not thirst trap)
- repeat step 1 multiple days per week, as you do it more, it will become a habit for you. I had to start by setting timers or scheduling text messages. It's really the little things. Thoughts and effort go along way. Buying her fav candy bar. $8 flowers from the grocery store. A 50 cent card from dollar tree. It doesn't have to be grand. Women appreciate consistent small gestures. And the examples I gave above, I'm talking about giving them separately not all together.
-do your fair share around the house. The biggest turn off is a man we have to clean up after like his mama. If you want brownie points, take something extra off her plate
-take her on dates. Take initiative, plan them and execute. Even netflix and chill.
- initiate s3x more. By initiate I mean, sir.....you need to Google how the female body works. It would serve you well to know that the avg woman needs 7-10mins of warm up and 4play to even START GETTING in the mood from scratch. A man will kiss you for 30 secs and ready to stick it in and you're not even the least bit interested. P0rn really messed alot of yall up on how this stuff really works. Are you giving finger and/or mouth play to help her get going and finish. Is she reaching her goal during? All these things matter.

If you make her feel good consistently and leading up to, and also deliver during, I promise you'll see a change. But the question is.....are you willing to put in the work or wanna be lazy about it? You gotta make a choice

Trust me, I am not judging but it seems like a lot of this should’ve been discussed before marriage especially if you love children and she doesn’t want any. Seems like maybe some therapy might help before making any decisions.

OP, sex is literally painful when a man is not responding to your needs but comes around to stick his d1ck in you for his pleasure only. Your woman might not be withholding sex, you might be making it impossible for her to want it. You have to approach it with selflessness.
I don't feel like you are holding yourself accountable at all.

You said you promised to do better, but are you doing better and being consistent?

Just do your part and do not expect anything in return, then you will get everything you want. When you messed up as much as you did and she has told you as much as she had, you don't get to dictate when she forgives you. Betrayal is not always sleeping with another woman. It's all the little ways you have let her down.

After almost 8 years of marriage, and after telling my husband everything I need and how I need it in the gentlest way possible for many years, infusing my want with his to make aspects of our lives simpler, then noticing how much he puts himself first in many things, and for me to get exasperated saying the same thing over and over, I have no appreciation for the changes his making now. 8 years is a long time for me to suffer the ramifications of his inactions. And my woman parts do not desire him the way they used to because 8 years is a long time of him being covertly selfish. This was possible because I had life figure out before I met him, so I continued being that person, but for 2 people, putting him first. With our first child, the veil came off and I saw the truth.

If it took 8 years, why do you expect so much because you made changes for a couple of days or months? She has no way of knowing that this is a new you or the manipulative you. Put in the work OP, for your own growth. You expect too much. Cut it out. Sex and appreciation are not automatic when you withheld being a better person for 8 years. Why the double standard OP? You want her to extend grace your way but you are not willing to extend it her way and understand that she has a right to not trust you. Be better.

Cut your losses and end the marriage before you grow to hate her. Those sound like differences that you/her will not able to compromise on without someone becoming resentful.

Happens.
Talk it out.
There must be concerns from both ends and also she must be anxious about raising a child and also her career.
Projection of confidence is important and so does the communication. Let her know you both are capable enough to manage this.
Your surrounding affects your thought process. Lack of confidence and the surrounding can lead to such lack of intimacy and interest.

To revive intimacy, I suggest to drop off your social media and cut yourselves out from your routine for any outgoing activity.
Mundane jobs can lead to such situations.

Relax. This is normal in our generation.

Oof I swear you could be my husband😅 dated and married the exact amount of time as you guys and had a similar argument about kids last night. He is feeling the pressure of our biological clock and I simply don't feel like we are ready for kids. Growing up, I never saw myself getting married so I certainly never thought of having kids. I have slowly come to accept that we will have kids, but there's alot of anxiety for me when I think about pregnancy, labor, and raising a kid. We're not on the same page and it is stressful, but I have tried to voice my concerns and he tells me they're unreasonable and I'm not being realistic. It makes me unwilling to share my concerns and now he just assumes I don't want kids at all.

My biggest advice is to communicate and listen without giving an overly emotional response that will shut her out. Try to find out why she doesn't want kids. You should be able to tell if they are fears you can work through or if you two are genuinely on different walks of life and unable to reconcile.

I am not married but have been with my partner 8 years. On the s*x thing, you having addictions is your own issue and separate from the intimacy issues - that’s unfair to put that on her, you’re an adult. Keeping your intimate life healthy takes work, trust, and respect. Emphasis on trust. It’s a lot about being playful and the best way to kill it is to make it an obligation. I would have an honest conversation about how both of you can enjoy and look forward to it and make time when things are busy. You’re unlikely to achieve this with some of the language I have seen you use in these comments FYI. Ultimately if she doesn’t want kids and you do it’s unlikely to resolve though.

Be kinder to yourself. You are absolutely worth the appreciation and intimacy you seek. ❤️

Before you bend every which way the wind blows on this self-improvement journey, take a step back and reflect on your partner's requests—do not blindly agree to them. You are hopeful and self-assured :) so there's no reason to give in to anything you don't agree with.

When taking feedback from your significant other, focus on maintaining your core values and self-awareness. Understand that feedback may be influenced by their own projections, ignorance, or fantasies. Stay grounded by reflecting on your needs, values and principles. By staying true to yourself, you can maintain integrity in your relationship.

Listen actively to their feedback, but evaluate it critically. Distinguish between constructive insights and baseless criticism. This discernment is key to ensuring that you are not swayed by unfounded opinions. Communicate openly about your feelings and perspectives, fostering mutual understanding and respect. It's essential to create a space where both partners can share their thoughts honestly and empathetically.

Compromising your core values and authenticity for the sake of a relationship can lead to resentment and addiction :)
Addictions are easier to brake free than resentments.
I hope you stand your ground and fight for what you deserve. In another lifetime, this might have been an easier battle win 😊

So…right off the bat, it seems like you’re blaming one of her behaviors for your addictions. Dude, take some accountability. Chances are if she’s not interested in sex, you’re not satisfying her. This is something men don’t comprehend. What woman would turn down sex that’s good and satisfying? It’s you. Sorry for the harsh truth. Sex is an emotional connection for women so much more so than for men. You may need to reestablish that connection for things to improve. Therapy could also help. Good luck to you both, but dude, blame is not going to get you anywhere.

If you can’t agree on the kids thing, it might be time to part ways. There is no “compromise” on that one.

Clean the house. Women don’t want to be servants. Clean the house, have more sex, even if it’s just for good behavior. Sex is a negotiation when you’re married. If you learn to accept that it can be very hot.

Resentment will kill anything left so more 2-sided conversations (on improvements or otherwise) are definitely needed.

Do the things she's mentioned include correcting these addictions you mentioned? Or are they net new / surprise issues? Has how you've treated one another changed since marriage (trying to understand if there's a precipitating event)?

Have you expressed what you need differently from her or how things have changed for you / made you feel differently?

Communicate all of this to her and have a proper conversation about your wants, needs, and expectations. Like someone else said, subjects such as having children are stuff that should get hashed out before you get married. Does she ever talk about what SHE could do better? Lacking the capacity for self-reflection can be very detrimental to any long term relationship. I think you have a lot to work through here and some tough conversations ahead of you. Just remember to lead with love, patience, and respect as you navigate what is to come. It's typically better to part ways amicably rather than try to make an incompatible relationship work.

She’s not into you anymore. That’s the reality. That’s why she doesn’t want to sleep with you. That most likely won’t change. So explore options such as an open marriage or divorce. Having a child won’t bring you together so keep that in mind as well.
Good luck.

I’d say get out now if you aren’t happy and differences aren’t reconcilable

Get out.

Addictions will make things worse, try for below :

* Communicate openly and honestly with your wife. Let her know how you're feeling about the lack of intimacy, your desire for children (if you do), and the change in dynamics.

* Consider couples counseling. A therapist can provide a safe space for you and your wife to discuss these issues and work towards finding solutions together.

* Seek individual therapy. A therapist can help you deal with your resentment and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
Remember, marriage requires constant work and communication. By openly sharing your feelings and concerns, you can start to rebuild the intimacy and connection in your relationship.

Hope this helps🍻

How was your sex life during your dating period?

As others have said, communication between you two is extremely important… both on the big topics and the little ones. She has to know what your feelings are and that she is still desired emotionally and physically.

You both also have to realize that people do change, even with relationships. Healthy relationships allow each other to grow and change. You then need to choose to love the newer aspects of your spouse or separate if they are true deal breakers. The fact you are writing here tells me you prefer to work things out. Concentrate on what you can control… your communication and expression of feelings, and see if they are reciprocated. Wish you the best of luck!