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I would address it. This was something my boss was doing and I think it’s also a control thing, she may need to see that you can handle it, because she may have had experiences in the past where that is not the case
As anyone else noticed female bosses who feel threatened by subordinates also tend to be the upper middle class white women aged 45-55 who were all part of that "we need women in leadership" push years ago who weren't actually qualified to begin with?
Same. This case, women around same age bracket. The one that made it to the top pulled some along that would not outshine her, and then same culture permeates across the org. Those who are seen too smart, too talented, vocal are put down, passed up for promotion, etc. I would recommend to find another job, there is no upside on this kind of environment.
Bail.
Have a conversation with her.
Had one of those ..
It was the worst. I should’ve seen the writing on the wall. She did everything to make my life miserable and in the end .. my
Gut feeling was correct. Run
Thank you everyone. Unfortunately, she is the director of HR. I have had 3 separate conversations about different circumstances with her and she acts oblivious to what happened. Almost like she wasn’t in the same conversations as me. Ugh! I have been at the company much longer than her but I am starting to look for a different job because I just don’t want the drama. I’m to old and bring to much to the table for it. Thank you again.
Good for you for realizing your worth and looking for a new job. It really isn’t worth the mental stress or daily drama to work with those types of people. Best of luck to you. I hope you land an amazing job that values what you bring to the table ❤️
I had a manager like this before. She was awful. It sounds like your boss is insecure in their abilities and you make them look bad (in their minds). Do your due diligence- document everything, copy them on every note, ask follow up questions, etc. in the meantime start looking - working for an insecure boss is not healthy.
Address it and see what happens. If she continues and you feel comfy doing so, leave. Nobody has time for that
Not cool at all. I had a manager like this and she talked bad about me all the time because she was intimidated by my experience, skill set and the fact that I would always speak up and support my team. eventually it led to me getting laid off because it was in her power to do so. Long story short- glad it happened (although it’s been rough) but few months later she was let go of bc of her toxicity.
I would ask you this- do you directly report to her? Is there anyone else above you that you can reach out to? How does your team feel about it and do they ask her why you’re not involved? Have you spoken to HR? or try to directly communicate with her? Does she do this with anyone else and/or have a bad rep?
Try speaking with her directly first and I would make sure you have another person there/involved. document everything and I would even put it in writing (email that you need to be included in things that involve your dept, etc) then eventually escalate depending on where the conversation goes
NYU1 - The first paragraph of your response is my current situation including her losing her job as a result of her behavior. What happen to women supporting other women. Why not look at your experience and rapport with your employer in a positive light? Why be intimidated by a successful woman. Sounds like she got her karma and hopefully you are in a better work environment.
Ask for the minutes notes and then go to her manager
I would find a new job - when I’ve seen this before, regardless of how valuable the experience the person is let go.
Initiate a conversation. If you don’t leave that discussion with a good feeling, run. Trust your gut. Inadequate managers are the worst and nothing reveals them quicker than an open and honest conversation.
So… I guess that means I’m in the market for a new job. If anyone has a lead on a great Senior or Director level L and D position, please let me know.
You can also opt for mobility taking up another role in different vertical?
I am in the same boat as you and I wish I had gotten the advice others have given you here. Addressing the behavior with my insecure director was the wrong move and it has gotten much worse since. Run! Logic doesn’t work with a gaslighting narcissist.
This happens often unfortunately. In my experience, directly speaking with them and trying to provide constructive feedback usually backfires. I think you have to ask yourself a couple of questions:
1. Is happening so often that it’s hindering your work? Is it causing a toxic work environment?
2. Is there a way where you can befriend this person and show them that partnering with you is more beneficial in the long run?
3. Can you ask your VP of People for advice on how to navigate this situation (have a skip level meeting)?
I tried to do all of these things and it didn’t work for me, both times. I ended up looking for other positions AND got a better title and salary (both times!). Now I’ve surpassed both of these managers in title and comp (at a different company) - which shows you that perhaps looking for a different role might actually be the best choice.
One thing is for sure, you appreciate good managers once you’ve experienced a terrible one. Good luck!
Great questions!
This sounds like my manager. How I’ve dealt with it is to have that crucial conversation. Talk about what’s bothering you and document solutions.
I had the amusing experience of working with an inexperienced internal audit director who frequently spoke negatively about me behind my back. Even when I presented a strong strategy to the board of directors regarding the business process, she disagreed with me but the board of directors applauded my ideas instead. From then on she started to talk our team behind my back, I did not respond instead I work hard and resign and find new opportunities, she’s very toxic I have no time for these kind of leadership. 😝
I have never cared about that sort of stuff.
I usually just double down on impressing everyone else. You will get promoted. She can have her meetings - they will just waste your time and hold you back so keep going
It's time to leave. Start looking because no matter where the energy stems from- it's toxic and will lead to unemployment. She wants to show that you are unable to do your job, and put you off balance.
O - M - G. Schedule a meeting with her to put her on notice. Follow up via email with the things y'all discussed. Save this email to your personal account. If she continues to do this, go to HR.