If I grow an awesome, thick beard of flowing chestnut hair, will I look highly creative?

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Yes you will, ma'am. Yes you will.

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Creative ideas are born in tufts of coarse hair.

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The hipster beard was over two years ago. The sleeves you're stuck with.

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Make sure you pair it with a slick undercut, so your creative levels would be over 9,000

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"The sleeves you're stuck with." I thank myself everyday for not jumping on that blandwagon.

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My beard is my Samson. When I shave it, I lose all confidence.

Just use lots of meaningless acronyms.

Or like a Civil War General.

You will look like you are trying to look like that

Hey all of you with the dark thick beards. War is over. You can shave now.

You'd be the new age Donald Draper!!

And plaid. And Birkenstock, for your feminine side. It's literally a time machine. Will take you back in time to 2013. Can't go wrong.

You'll look like a goddamned hero. But you won't look more creative.

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