My bf & I will be moving in together for the 1st time after dating for 5 years. He hasn’t been any help through the whole searching, budgeting process & tbh I feel alone. I’m exhausted, stressed & feel like I’m drowning. I’ve voiced my concerns over being the only one involved but his excuse is that he’s stressed. When I call him about a new listing etc he seems annoyed & disinterested. I will also be paying for more since I make more but due to his salary most apts in said budget (cont)

likefunnyhelpful
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Tell him you understand he's stressed and so are you. You'll be happy to continue the apartment search when he's ready to do it with you.

This should definitely be something you do together. If he's not ready for that, and you're in a time crunch, get your own place and tell him you can revisit after your lease ends. It's one of those things where you need to be straightforward. You don't want to move in together already feeling drained and not excited.

likehelpfulupliftingsmart

Ily cuz my brain wanted to scream dump him. You’re patient and assertive

likefunny

DO NOT MOVE IN WITH SOMEONE YOU ARE NOT MARRIED TO!!!!

likefunnysmartupliftinghelpful

I didn’t live with my husband before marriage and am glad we didn’t. We spent the first year or two learning about each other as newlyweds should do but we had the lifelong commitment there. If you’re committed to someone, you make it work - regardless of how they do chores. Everyone has quirks and annoying traits. Why do you need to live together to assess if these are tolerable? If they’re intolerable, don’t be with them. Why buy the cow if you get the milk for free? I know a lot of couples that lived w their SOs and broke up with them after years together. Lots of investment, money lost, broken leases, shared pets/ custody issues, and bitter feelings after. Live with the person you’re determined to marry.

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This dynamic is telling. That’s all I’ll say.

I would suggest against moving in together especially with his lack of interest and involvement. His excuse is not good enough. He’s making carry all the burden when it should be a joint effort. It’ll just lead to resentment if he can’t pull his weight and show some vested interest. Why go along with someone like that when you really shouldn’t go at it alone. What about future life events? Will he say he’s too stressed and busy so you’re left with having to deal with hardships on your own? You can move in together but it doesn’t sound like he’s mentally emotionally ready/vested as much as you at the moment

Any news OP???

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