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Chief
I’m like your husband.
As a child my family celebrated birthdays but they’re really no big deal to me. I’d rather not make a fuss about my birthday.
Husband tells you what he wants. You take it upon yourself to determine his wants are wrong and give him what he doesn't want.
I do not like my birthday. It's just another day. My parents loved to celebrate my birthday, I never liked the attention from it.
You are an amazing spouse. Your husband is lucky to have
Thank you!
You are right on the spot OP…our childhood impacts our behavior. We say we don’t care to many things so we are not let down. I know grown adults who cried when they got showered with attention and love on their bday as adults, because they never had that. It’s healing. Your husband may honestly not care to make a fuss, but he will appreciate your gesture.
Your strategy to prioritize him, and do what he wants, is awesome! You’re a great wife.
Thank you!
Why is the birthday special, everyone has one, it’s not like you’ve achieved anything, every murderer has a birthday
He managed to stay alive for another year, that has to count for something? At last a muffin perhaps?
No. Too forced.
Chief
I don’t care about my birthday either
I do really really treasure my birthday. It’s the one day that I really feel like I can be celebrated (I’m a very humble and self-less guy, if I do say so myself - and yes I know the irony). But when it comes to the actual day, I find myself feeling nostalgic that it’s passing by so quickly and yet another year goes by
My birth is not worth celebrating since I had nothing to do with it
I really don't like parties, but yeah if someone takes the time to understand what would be nice to me and plans it, it feels good to be appreciated. Generally just ordering in some good food, choosing a couple movies to watch. Good day.
Rising Star
You sound crazy
Enthusiast
Some people find it exhausting to be the center of attention
I like my birthday but I’m a shy private guy. So I don’t really want any fanfare about it. I would just like to spend time with people I love and have a little meal at home with some cake
I just had this conversation with my sister. Did we do anything for our birthday as kids? Neither of us remembered anything. My husband planned a surprise party for me once. We had spent the night at a lodge and had dinner. I thought that was my birthday celebration. We came home to a house full of people. I was shocked and still don't know how he managed that. And I had the flu. 103 temp on the couch. But I heard it was a great party! Then my kids planned another one at a local restaurant but had to delay it because I had lung cancer surgery. I thought we were going to dinner and the place was full of familiar faces. I really loved that one since it was another year to have a birthday.
I’m like your husband. Being the center of attention is tiring and it’s truly just another day. Even milestone birthdays have been very small. Some people just don’t care about their birthday, even when young.
It would also give me a bit of social anxiety to mix certain friends into a larger event as I have no clue if they’d get along.
Most men are like your husband and most of the developing world is same. People in most countries don’t even remember their birthdays.
Social media these days has also changed it.
I would still do something for your husband’s birthday because it creates a memory as a family. I am no expert on psychology but as a guy, i feel it is better to not get disappointed by not having expectations from people and hence I don’t make bug deal about my bday. My wife has an expectation that i will have something special for her birthday, anniversaries and of course, sometimes I hit the mark and sometimes I don’t. Most men’s attitude is different towards these things. Bare minimum is fine with us.
Pro
I don’t really celebrate my bday either, however I appreciate that my partner will try to either suggest or try to make happened something I have been talking about. Sometimes it’s a sweet Lego set, sometimes it’s that I want a whole day to myself in the woods. And even if we don’t end up doing anything, i really appreciate it that she is thinking of me. Sounds like you two are good at communicating anyway, but I would keep up doing what you’re doing! I bet you husband appreciates it.
I hate celebrating my birthday too. But I just don't like being the center of attention. I also just don't like being celebrated for not earning something. It feels weird.
I am the same way. I don't care about my birthday, but I do appreciate when my wife decides to something nice for me. So, you're on the right path!
Based on what you said “do whatever he wants” means “he doesn’t want to do anything cause that’s not exciting for him” and that is totally ok. You answered yourself something: “he doesn’t care because as a kid, his family never really celebrated it”, with that being said, you have to take things one day at a time with him. He is NOT used to celebrations, so if you want to really make him happy the first thing is to understand him, respect his opinion and every year try to introduce him to do something he really enjoys in his special day, but don’t push it, take it slowly cause remember is not about you or how you like things, it’s about him and his special day. Love languages are unique to each individual and you must learn how to express love in the way your husband is receptive to it and viceversa. Good luck 🍀
Yes, thank you. Don't worry, we've been together for a decade now. He's slowly healing and we know each other very well