My partner works in investment banking and is working on a project that has them working until 3am every night and working every weekend for about a month and a half now. They usually handle it very well but I can tell it’s starting to get to them. How can I support them? Also, any tips for partners of people who work crazy hours is appreciated!

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I work in biglaw and I too have periods like this, so I can relate.

My wife is incredibly supportive during these periods. She will literally handle everything around the house, meals, take care of the dog, etc. (wife works an 8:30-5pm job; is usually home by 5:30pm). She also knows I am busy so does not ask to hang out/spend time, as she knows the answer is likely “no” and it just makes me sad when I cannot. These periods are also temporary, so I believe she keeps that in mind.

However, I still try to clean up after myself and clean/take care of the house as much as I can when I do have 30 mins to spare here and there. I also interact with her when she is home, if possible. And I always at least eat dinner with her.

Hope this helps! I know it sucks, but strong support helps us a lot mentally.

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When my life gets that busy, every day chores get tossed to the side. My boyfriend tries to anticipate those basic needs — gets me water, reminds me to eat and brings me my favorite snacks when he sees I haven’t moved from my desk in hours, cooks dinner for us, handles the laundry for the week, etc. — just generally picks up my slack without being asked to do so. It is such a relief and is so genuinely appreciated. Little things that keep the wheels on the cart mean more than anything else.

He also does a really good job of not making me feel guilty for not spending time with him. He knows I’d rather be hanging out with him but this is just how life is at the moment, and he never holds it against me. It makes me want to try 10x harder to make it up to him when things eventually do slow down.

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I clearly need a new boyfriend. Mine seems to hold it against me when I can’t hang out as much.

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Hubs is a banker - past the crazy associate/VP days. I’d say.
1. Do everything. I expected 0% from him in raising our kids, taking care of anything around the house, literally nothing asked/expected. By everything..I mean everything. If their car needs an oil change, swap cars so you can get that done and have them take yours - everything. Not just the “fill in gendered stereotype chore here” - everything.
2. Let them sleep as long as they can - be quiet around the house. Sleep deprivation is real and makes you super grumpy.
3. I’d say make food as easy as possible - but in those days I don’t think my husband was eating at home at all. Just at work with colleagues and take out. Maybe keep fruit around that they can take with them for at least something that isn’t deep fried.
4. Put them on a multi-vitamin. Probably just pee it out but can’t hurt. Sleep deprivation messes with immunity too.

For yourself - make sure they know you are doing everything. Don’t let your work go unnoticed or unappreciated. Goal here is not to make them feel guilty but rather appreciative. E.g. “aren’t you glad you have me to take care of you?!” My husband lost sight of everything I do and became a dick for a while about how my career is not as hot as his (no shit Sherlock, I took a step back to take care of you…) While your are at it - might want to throw in a pre-nuptial or post-nuptial agreement that specifies what your contribution is worth. I did that - glad I did.

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Yeah, still married and apparently a bit bitchy today as I re-read it. We are actually still pretty happy despite how it reads.

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Can relate! My parents is in IB and has been under the water recently — I try to show support by helping with basic needs (food, water, just being near while they’re on the computer if working from home)… it’s not a position they wannnttt to be in, so just being there through it / being a venting partner has been helpful for him

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