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Paul went on IG Live this afternoon after Karine called the police. I have not watched the video, but bloggers report that Paul accused Karine of drinking in front of their son, domestic violence (shoving him), giving him an STD, and being pregnant again. The video ends with Karine asking to be taken to a shelter. Very sad.
https://www.instagram.com/tv/CDSJIotj7ft/?igshid=tyzjo7g4cef4
Jk, i always get my time entered. 😅
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We are child free and loving it.
Highly recommend, 5 stars.
Ditto! We enjoy freedom, no kid expenses, less stress and mess, quiet, spontaneity, and so on. Love being aunt and uncle to our nieces and nephews then being able to leave/hand them back.
Rising Star
Spouse and I were together 12 years when we had #1 - had an amazing marriage beforehand and were careful about not forcing kids and disrupting our relationship if it didn’t work out, but were lucky and conceived quickly.
The 12-18 months afterward were the worst of our now 20 years together. We moved countries while pregnant so we put a lot on ourselves at once, but previously good communications completely broke down, we lost balance of responsibilities and one of staying home while the other worked completely changed our dynamic. Even once mom went back to work after 11 months, we didn’t rebalance then either. Took a major reset to get ourselves close to where we’d been before. We’re still nowhere near as balanced as before kids, but we’ve done a good job (I believe) of compromising on our expectations of each other and doing our best to talk through what needs to be done. #2 was a lot easier as we were both able to take time off to care for them, so gave us better balance.
Just be ready for a major dynamic shift - and for dads everywhere: you didn’t give birth, you can’t nurse, so you really need make some effort to step up and do anything you can to share of that burden. Your spouse is not going to be communicating well and is dealing with way more than you are - trying to nurse, accepting that it may not be possible, being the baby’s preferred person for a long time. Get up with the baby at night, change them and hand them to mom, make sure she has water and snacks handy.
Oh man, I am in the exact same position (husband and I are thinking about trying to conceive next year) and I definitely have nerves about it. I just read this sobering essay from the writer Emily Gould the other day, and it scared me but also reassured me that you can get through anything if you're committed: https://www.thecut.com/article/marriage-divorce-should-i-leave-my-husband-emily-gould.html
My sister had 3 and learned her husband isn’t able to be responsible for anything. While they’re still together I think she respects him significantly less than prior to children. He’s now her fourth child.
Your time is no longer yours. You now have your days, nights and weekends full of your kids activities. School isn’t the way it used to be so get ready to deal with that. It can be frustrating as hell. Your parenting style may get judged. The great part is you get to watch your little human grown and develop. You get to see what traits they get from each of you. All in all you get to truly experience unconditional love. When your kids graduate the joy and pride that you have of their accomplishments…no words. Final note…THEY ARE EXPENSIVE it worth it. You will ALWAYS find a way! Good luck!
Rising Star
It was definitely different for a while. You go through what they call the “roommate phase” because you’re both exhausted and giving 100% to the baby. Expect intimacy to take a backseat, though it definitely doesn’t need to cease entirely.
The newborn phase was difficult for us. I had severe postpartum anxiety and my husband did his best to try to take care of me and help care for the baby. We got very little sleep and were often cranky but we made sure to not snap at each other and remember we were both tired.
The good news is that after our baby turned a year old, we definitely were able to reconnect more and enjoy being parents more. Once I stopped being anxious about everything, it helped a lot. I wish I could go back and try to enjoy those newborn months a little more but it is what it is.
Now I feel like our relationship is deeper than it was before. I know I can really depend on my husband on a deeper level and we feel bonded by having a child together.
Tl;dr Your relationship definitely changes, and those first few months will be tough, but it can change for the better too!
If your relationship is strong it will be tested but it can also bring you closer together through the ups and downs. Our kids are now teenagers. Eve had years of joy, fear and d everything in between neither them. Now we love traveling with them and experiencing new things together with them and making memories as a family. I am a better leader and friend because of the experience of being a parent in more ways than I can describe in this post. I look forward to watching them grow into adults and hope my retirement includes a full thanksgiving table with us traveling and spending time with with them (and their families!) While it is not always easy and also expensive as an earlier poster mentioned I will never regret having our children and might have had even more if I started a little earlier. Female poster here, married my husband 18 years ago and had 4 years without kids together before starting. I am fortunate to have a partner who also puts in the work and is aligned with me on our values so I can respect that the situation may not be the same for everyone. There is no crystal ball.
As bad as you think. Better than you can imagine.
Curious too. Pregnant with our first after 13 years with my now-husband.
We never, like almost never argued before we had kids. We argue more now (baby and 3yo), but only on one or two things that we’ve realized we both have very strong opinions about, mainly about discipline.
Before when we had disagreements it wasn’t a big deal to just compromise and move on. But with kids, some things feel so important and we can’t compromise as easily because it feels like we both want to do what we believe is absolutely best for our kids, helping them grow and develop etc.
We just have had to figure out tough compromises that we never had to in the past. The significantly reduced time for each other, sleep, etc. just kind of compounds stress and disagreements as well.
We definitely have grown closer in some ways, and we both find incredible joy in seeing our kids grow and develop. This isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but we’re very much on the same page that this next few years to get both kids to “semi-independent people” that can feed, clothe, etc. themselves are years where we are putting ourselves on the back burner a bit. Not neglecting, but just not primary focus.
The simplest way to put is,…kids adds stress to your life! At times that stress can feel overwhelming. How do you deal around shared tasks and more importantly how do you deal with stress? Despite the stress, it’s definitely worth it. We have three and we’re now empty nesters and we’re I loving it! Good luck!