Please don't judge me. I've sat in on meetings where people have been fired before. I'm fine being support to the managers and handling the paperwork, but I've only actually done the firing part twice before. However, during next week's layoffs, I'll be in charge of running these meetings. I'm nervous about sitting one on one with people and telling them they don't have a job and explaining the pretty crappy severance policy. I'm afraid if someone cries, I'll tear up. How do you guys stay

I have only done a few and it never feels easy. I think being clear, calm, and human matters most. People remember how they were treated in those moments.

The fact that you’re worried about how people will feel already says a lot about your character. Empathy is not a weakness in these situations it’s one of the most important qualities you can bring into the room. The people being impacted are going through a difficult and emotional moment, and having someone deliver the message with humanity and compassion matters more than acting detached or “cold.”

You don’t have to become emotionless to be professional. Staying calm, respectful, clear, and kind is enough. If someone cries and you feel emotional too, that simply means you’re human. Most employees will remember how they were treated in that moment more than the exact script that was read to them.

The best thing you can do is be prepared, be direct without being harsh, listen respectfully, and avoid making the conversation feel robotic. Compassionate leadership and HR support are rare during layoffs, and your empathy will likely make an incredibly difficult experience slightly less painful for the people involved.

It's not easy, and no, you're not "in the wrong field."

My first question was "why is the HRD doing this and not the line managers?" My assumption is that it's because the line managers are too chickens**t to take responsibility. So perhaps use that as a means of staying just angry enough to keep from tearing up.

That said, DO NOT SAY YOU'RE SORRY! Employees have used that as an "admission" that the company illegally fired them.

Easy. It's a business decision - it doesn't affect you. You have to think of it as a business transaction. If You're not able to do that you're in the wrong field.

As HR professionals, as the name of our field suggests, maintaining humanity and empathy in difficult situations is essential. That is why your reaction feels natural, respectful, and compassionate.
In my opinion, the direct manager should also be present during these conversations, because they were part of the hiring process and share responsibility toward the employee. Letting someone go is never easy. What truly matters is how we handle these moments — with professionalism, dignity, calmness, and respect — so the individual feels seen as a person and can better process the situation.
At the end of the day, we must remember that we are dealing with human beings, not machines.

I was a freshie and made to lay off production operators at a young age. I still remember the trauma after 30 yrs. No choice but to perform this duty in this field, but line mgrs need to be in partnership.

I had to layoff a bunch of people in the 2008 downturn. Be genuine. Show compassion. Cry with them. They will NEVER forget you for showing your human side.

this is the tough part of beng an HR person. I can relate

I find that people will know what's up the second they walk in the room and see you sitting there, The meetings are usually very quick from that standpoint and it's just letting them know that the decision has been made, and handing them a folder with all the information - severance, benefits information, outplacement (if being offered). Hopefully there's someone else in the room with you? I just always remind myself that it's part of the job, and I try to treat people with as much empathy as possible given the crappy situation, and say something like "I know this is a lot to process, and you'll have a lot of questions over the next few days, don't hesitate to reach out if I can be of any support as you navigate this transition" - sometimes they do, sometimes not. Either way, it's not fun, good luck.

In addition to any prepared statement you may issue, there are a few matters that will become deeply personal to you. Initially, there is the emotional labor of sitting across from colleagues and delivering life-altering news and resetting their emotions. In the interim, what are you to do with your emotions? Survivor's guilt and the process of reconciling with the recent events are present. I would suggest that you refrain from apologizing for your responsibilities and the position you hold. It is important to allow for the initial reaction, validate their emotions with empathy, and then move to concrete, actionable steps, such as their separation agreement, to help reset their emotions. Anchor yourself in what you can control, and refrain from questioning yourself, as survivor's remorse is a genuine experience. Finally, it is important to maintain your standard routine of activities during and after work. You must continue to move forward, as this will not be your last reduction-in-force meeting.

And line managers and leaders who made the decision doesn’t get to fall into their comfort when making hard decisions. I know HR doesn’t make the final decision on how these things are executed but we have influence.

Look at it this way... laying someone off letting someone go may be the best thing for them. If you put your self in a mindset that you may be doing them a favor as opposed to assuming its bad. Whenever one door closes, another one opens! This is an opportunity for the employee to learn and grow. Stay positive! You got this!

This kind of conversation should never be “easy” and that’s where I would start. Name the tension and discomfort. Make space for the person to respond and ask questions. Say things like “I know this is difficult and uncomfortable, my goal is to explain as much as I can to give you clarity in this really hard time.” It’s ok to show emotion, I’m a sympathy crier too but the more you focus on what you need to say, the less you’ll take on their emotions. You should also have another person there if it’s possible to support documentation of the conversation.

I’ve have done these and they are never easy. You sound very compassionate and someone that shows empathy. Just listen and it is ok to be saddened by it as well, it is sad. Try your hardest t keep it together but if you happen to tear up,it shows you care. Just listen with understanding. empathy isn’t bad, it’s necessary.

Totally not judging you it’a hard uncomfortable thing to do especially if you built a relationship with them I honestly pray for them the day before in my private prayer time.with any type of of termination.

The fact that you’re nervous and emotional about it honestly shows your humanity, and employees will remember that more than someone delivering the message cold or detached. Layoffs are one of the hardest parts of HR because you’re impacting someone’s livelihood, routine, and family all at once.

When there’s a business need to reduce the workforce, sometimes those decisions are unfortunately out of your hands. But I strongly recommend walking into those meetings with compassion, a calm presence, and real resources to support employees beyond just handing them an EAP number.

The job market right now has been extremely difficult, and many people are struggling to land new opportunities quickly. That uncertainty adds even more stress, fear, and emotional weight to these conversations. In some of my previous roles, leadership even leveraged their own networks and connections to help impacted employees where they could, and that level of support truly showed care, humanity, and leadership.

You don’t have to be emotionless to be professional. People can usually tell the difference between someone reading a script versus someone showing empathy and respect. Stay calm, be clear, give them space to process, and let them leave with dignity.

If someone tears up and you get emotional too, that doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human. A positive attitude, empathy, clear communication, and helping someone feel seen as a person, not just a position being eliminated, can make a lasting difference during one of the hardest moments of their career.

I have had to deal with RIF's my entire career at one job or another. I have even been on the receiving end more than once. It is ok to say I'm sorry, or it is unfortunate we are moving forward with this layoff.

Years ago, it was forbidden to do this. HR was not supposed to show empathy. They were perceived as the Darth Vaders of HR back in the day. Everyone was afraid to be called into HR.

We had to change this stigma. Now we must show empathy and compassion- which is a good thing. When exiting an employee, it is ok to let them know you understand and it was a difficult decision, but it was a business decision, not a personal one.

If the crappy severance package is not good from your perspective then tell those in charge to increase it. Standard rule of thumb for severance is 2 weeks for every year of service.

I myself had to talk to the ED and say, ok if this is too much at once to pay out, then we can do installments. In fact, installments are even looked at by the former employee as a good thing, since the taxation is regular working taxation and not severance taxation which can be over 40%. It also does not impact the payroll and finances of the organization as hard. This of course will depend on your state, so look into that if you are not in California.

Bottom line, connect with your employees when you are doing major layoffs. Make sure they get the resources they need, push for more severance and benefits coverage with the CEO or whoever makes these decisions, be compassionate and understanding.

Finally, if this really affects you take a mental health day. HR has feelings too. It is ok for HR to take time off after conducting these major layoffs. The company MUST understand that.

professional during these termination meetings?

People deserve better. If you like it, I love it!

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