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I’m sorry you feel this way. Please don’t feel used. It seems like He , as a practicing Christian, is very serious about not falling into temptation or being filled with lust. I am a practicing Christian who does not want to have sec before marriage and I also don’t want to makeout with my partner because I know initiating such things causes me to become very lustful. The bible says to cutoff anything that causes you to sin so it could be that he wants to distance himself (at least for a little while). Fleeing from lust is sometimes not an easy thing to do. So imagine if he was able to successfully go months without feeling lustful and then one night, someway somehow, he fell into temptation and did what he did with you. It will very well have an impact on him. So I would understand if he stepped away to reorient himself with God. Another thing is, once you have such an experience with someone, it’s easy for it to pop up in your mind again when you see them.
Don’t take it personally. To me, it could be he wants to put distance between you too so that it doesn’t happen again. He’s serious about his faith and wants to please God. It’s actually very commendable but I certainly understand how that can make you feel as his partner
Thanks! I reached out. Hopefully he’s willing to have a conversation.
Thank you for sharing, Sounds like a confusing and difficult experience.
Fortunately, God is exceedingly gracious towards the “weary and heavy laden” and calls them to Himself, to come under His yoke and learn from Him in order to find rest (Matthew 11:28). I think there are three areas of Christ’s instruction that are particularly helpful in this situation:
1 - Dealing with sexual temptation
Biblical teaching is very clear that sexual action outside of marriage (Matthew 15:19, Acts 15:29, Romans 13:13, 1 Corinthians 6:9, etc.).
Given that sex outside of marriage is wrong, instruction is also given on how to deal with the desire / temptation toward that. Simply, run. “Flee from sexual immorality” (1 Corinthians 6:18) and “make no provision for the flesh” (Romans 13:14).
Applied, this looks like not providing the opportunity to act on temptation by being in private spaces together and when you do find yourself in that situation, fleeing from it. Sleeping in the same bed is well over the line.
“Let us behave properly as in the day, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual promiscuity and sensuality, not in strife and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts.” Romans 13:13-14
2 - Confronting sexual sin
When sexual sin occurs (Jesus defines this as looking on with lust, something that happens in the heart - Matthew 5:28), then you must take drastic action to cut off the opportunity to sin in that way. As Jesus says, “If your right eye causes you to stumble, tear it out and through it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.” Matthew 5:29
Applied, this is taking definite action that utterly prevents further opportunity for sin. This could be cutting off a relationship.
3 - What to pursue instead
You can’t just drive out impurity (Matthew 12:43-45), you must also replace the wrong desires of the heart with right desires.
Jesus’ command is “Come to Me” (Matthew 11:28). Knowing who He is and what He has done will straighten out every other area of life and situation you encounter.
Some jumping off points in pursuing Christ:
- Understanding the “gospel”: If you’re not crystal clear on what this is, you should drop everything and study it. Romans road (Romans 3:23, 6:23, 5:8, 10:9) is a great place to start
- Understanding who Jesus is: You can read Isaiah 9, Isaiah 53, John 1, Philippians 2, Colossians 1 as a good introduction to who Jesus Christ is
I hope that all these verses will serve you in exposing sin, bringing peace, and redirecting attention to Christ.
I would clarify what he means by interactions. Maybe he means overall interactions or sexually altered interactions. He probably feels shame right now and probably that he is failing as a man of Christ.
OP, keep us updated on how the convo goes. We’re here for you no matter what! 👍❤️
I’ve definitely crossed the line before so I get you. If he’s asking for space for Godly reasons thats good but I’d be careful and make sure this guy is not trying to play with your heart. I don’t know this man but want to make sure he doesn’t hurt you more. We’re all responsible for our actions at the end of the day but want to make sure his interactions are genuine.
Thank you!
I wouldn’t say making out is crossing the line? When you say groping, what specifically do you mean?
Regardless - agree with D1 where it sounds like you asked him if he wanted to limit interactions and he said yes, not necessarily ending things, but should confirm
It was more of where the making out lead. Groping as in we touched each other’s private parts, etc. Generally, we’re careful about making out because he does really struggle with lusting for more, so everything has been much more innocent, i.e., not even kissing. But I kissed him (a peck) so I’m responsible for that. He then said, “you did not just kiss me?” and then he held me and kissed me (not a peck, but more intimately and sensually because apparently he doesn’t like pecks because we aren’t birds). Then one thing lead to another.
I thought I would be able to hold us both accountable and I could just have the self control to prevent things from going too far. This is because of my prior experience doing so with my previous bf. We were able to kiss and were even able to sleep in the same bed without ever crossing lines, i.e., no groping, etc. And maybe that’s because neither of us struggled in controlling our desires, so none of us started groping the other one which prevented temptation for the other person, or maybe we didn’t like each other that much after all. Who knows.
Don’t place all the blame on you! You two are trying hard to be better people and control your desires. There is no perfect way but you can do your best and God does the rest.
Three hours since I reached out to get clarification. And over 15 hours since my initial response to his message. Usually, by now, we would have spoken at least twice by phone, so I guess perhaps I can assume he meant limit all interactions. But let’s see if he ever responds.
Lol. Thankfully he doesn’t even know what this app even is. He’s more of a Reddit guy.
And I know, I know, just a bit anxious. But I won’t be invasive or demand a response, of course.
To be fair, before he told me this, I did tell him I understand if he’d want to limit our interactions because we lost control. But I guess I wasn’t expecting him to completely cut our contact (as it feels like that’s what he’s saying/doing. I’m wondering if I should reach out after some space. We had a really strong connection. And I’m honestly so sad things ended up here.
I've been here before. I was confused and ashamed. I felt I had let God down.
I only told her how I felt but I surely wanted to spend time with her.
Essentially he wants to be just be friends. He claims the reason is because we “don’t share the same convictions.” I’m confused how one gets to this conclusion when we both made the same mistake, together.
The Bible says when he findeth a wife he finds a good thing.
I don’t think this is about you or him.
It’s about your relationship with God. We should all be seeking him in our relationships.
If you were not the wife that God is leading him to this is the right decision for both of you.
What you don’t want is to not be aligned with Gods will for your life.
God has forgiven you, now forgive yourself and move forward.
We all are trying to build the kingdom of God here on Earth which means we need to keep ourselves spotless.
Praise God for correction, grace and mercy.