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Hii fishes, help me choose the right company.
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Cognizant 20lpa(18.5fix)
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I am looking for better work life balance and job security.
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I have 1.5yrs of exp in Angular. If I attend an interview, can I solve the DS/Logic problems in other language like python. Because for problem solving while comparing to Js I'm good with python. Will that be accepted? Amazon Tata Consultancy Freshworks Inc Zoho Intuit Microsoft Paytm Presidio Inc. Thoughtworks Accenture
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Outsourcing where you can (cleaning, laundry) can help her and you, if that’s doable for you financially.
A cleaning service seems expensive on paper but very worth it and makes a big difference!
Somethings that helped me as a dad
1) Found someone who made us home cooked meals
2) Started calling a maid every week to help with cleaning and organizing the home
3) Called in-laws and parents for few weeks/months to help us
4) At work found a low stress project while in consulting
5) Moved to industry when consulting was overwhelming me and not allowing me to help my wife and kid
My wife went from cradling 3-liter bottles of soda like it was a child to being disinterested in children the day our son was born and took a bit more than a full year. Postpartum depression is real and it’s really bad for the mom, the child and the husband. My wife literally fell apart as time moved on to the point our son at 1 y/o feared his mom and she was just gone only appearing in body but not mind and soul. Then she began having trouble sleeping and when that would last for 3 days without sleep a bout of schizophrenia would follow. Her doctor put her on an anti-depressant and that totally rewired her brain and broke her. Nneither of us knew who She was anymore. She brought in two psychologists who began to get scared for her after several months that ultimately led to a neuro-psychologist who on day 1 saved her life. After more than a year of watching this woman after 13 years of marriage become a different person after child birth and numerous doctors, one doctor literally saved her life and again it was a neuro-psychologist. He gave my wife her soul back, my son a mom and for me a close friend. We are no longer married as she wanted a divorce during all this confusion and mega chaos, but I stayed by her side as much as possible. She literally left our lives for over a year at one point. I know their are feminists who will bark all over a man saying this about his wife but she and her own family would testify to this. She and I are best friends and we now share custody after a long period of trial re-engaging her. This is no joke, your wife needs help! It could pass, but she needs accuracy and I don’t know if you can suggest things to her, but going to see her doctor for a recommendation to a neuro-psychologist will take the guessing game away from the general practitioner on brand and dosage of meds and stop the garbage with psychiatrist and psychologist and put her with some one who can instantly restore her life. Do this for her because you love her. If your marriage is lost during, fine, but your kids need a mom. Get her help.
Thank you for sharing your story and for being a rock to your family throughout all of this.
I am in the same exact boat so I feel you man
Outsource as much as possible. Find a good babysitter to have adult time. Find ways to take random days off so she can have “me” time.
Does your wife has postpartum depression?
Are you getting any emotional support too? You have to take care of yourself too. A break from work is good, but that would just mean coming back into the same situation you are in now. You have to think about some changes, if even temporary for a few months.
We have a 2 year old and a 5 month old. 2 kids is a lot. It’s exponentially harder. We are struggling too.
Hire help as others mentioned. Of course depending on your financial situation, but even if you have to aggressively save or splurge for a month or so, it’ll help relieve some burden mentally.
Find anyone to come over and help. Even if someone’s there to just be in the same room to play with your toddler that’s a big help. The idea of having to entertain your kid all the time is draining.
We also have been taking turns giving each other a good 1-3 hours of alone time at least once a weekend. It’s sucks a little bit more for the one with the kids during that time but it’s such a massive mental lift for the kid-free parent.
We’ve also been trying out different meal prep services. Hello Fresh has like 10 meals that are heavily subsidized as their promo. It changes things up and gets you out of that same cyclical grind.
Hmmm… I feel you on this one OP. I’ve made it clear to my team that I’m unavailable 530-7pm. I give the kids bath / put them to bed at night. Get them ready for school in the morning and watch them on either Saturday or Sunday (wife picks). Obviously outsourcing would be a lift and technically I could swing that but I haven’t broken on that one yet.
Hire a hot nanny
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Similar boat… just planning to do the minimum at the work and not an ounce more
Agree with others on outsourcing so I’ll take another angle. What do you all do when he kids go down? If it’s just plop down and watch TV, try to use that time to make more connection. Play a board game, workout together, etc. More fun “ya” time always helps my wife when she is in a rut.
Thanks so much everyone! Lots of very helpful suggestions and thoughts.
In the same exact boat, I even wondered if I wrote this or not lol
Everything above I’m trying and we are still struggling - 2 toddlers (18 months apart)
One thing we started this weekend was we each get 2 hours for ourselves (I play football and she writes/reads at a cafe) and we both feel much more energized this Monday - if it continues to help I’ll update this thread