Sometimes I wish I could explain to my team that when I’m quiet in meetings, it’s not because I don’t care, it’s because I’m overwhelmed. The rapid-fire updates, multiple people talking, screen sharing, side chats… it all hits my brain at once and leaves me frozen. I’ve left meetings feeling ashamed, like I didn’t contribute enough, even though I was mentally just trying to survive it. Has anyone found a way to advocate for themselves in meetings like this without sounding like they’re just making excuses?

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Meetings aren’t built for neurodivergent brains—they’re just a performative productivity ritual for extroverts. We shouldn’t have to justify needing a different format to contribute meaningfully.

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Unless someone has said something to you, I wouldn't be worried about it. I often remind myself that people don't think about me as much as I think they do. But if you want to do something proactive, you could prepare some thoughts in advance and have them written down so you don't need to access your ideas from your brain. Also, you could jump in first thing, before the meeting really has a chance to get going and overwhelm you. Another option would be to just focus on taking really great notes - it may help you keep things sorted in your brain and your team will see that you're engaged.

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So. I think you CAN tell them without shedding a negative light or making it about your weaknesses. Likely others feel frustrated too.

Something like, "I heard a lot of great information today. I'd like to collaborate and share thoughts of my own. But, since a lot of topics/info were presented, I'd like to give everyone's input some time to sink and follow up with individuals/the team. What's our timeline and when can we follow up (even if it's just later in the day if that might help)?"

Or in more general sense: "I want everyone to know I'm invested in this team. I may seem quiet in meetings because I'm committed to giving careful consideration to all voices. Can I suggest either 1) We plan to have a follow up meeting when new information is being presented OR 2) when immediate decisions are required. Clear agendas, objectives, and pre-reads be provided at least x days/hours in advance. It could help streamline the meeting if we can prepare for what's expected and have the appropriate time to weigh all information/perspectives."
There are so many ways I hear people push back on this kind of stuff without ever implying they are the problem themselves. We just have to silence that constant inner voice (or keep it from coloring how we present externally) that's telling us everything that's hard or not going well is because we are so flawed. Many (feeling just as you described) have no hesitation in saying "this meeting is unfocused, jumping all over, and it's unclear what the objective is here. Meeting leader, please figure out the goal and focus of the meeting and get back to me."

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I send emails later, “After having some time to digest, here are my thoughts on x” even in the meeting I’ll say I’m developing my thoughts and might want to do some additional research before responding.

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Prepare ahead of time and ask about the structure. I'm pretty good at chiming in if there's structure. Consulting people have a funny way of describing awkwardness and manic episodes "Bro, you're scaring the clients."

Ask to record meetings so you don’t have to worry so much about focusing on everything. Or trying to. Try to perhaps just pick one conversations line to follow, if any, perhaps use a moment at the beginning of meetings to review your thoughts on the recording you watched between meetings. This could give you a chance to have input and the rest is observational. Great leaders spend much more time listening than talking, so that’s something to chew on. Good luck!

Hey, my latest self realization ((joke) my thoughts do usually make sense when people think they are all over the place, ChatGPT seems to understand! So is it really us?! lol. Finally someone who understands me, just not human. lol

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