Thoughts...
I dated a guy 4 yrs ago for 4 months
It ended as he was being posted to Asia. He wanted to continue but also be open to date other ppl. I said no, not my style.

He reached out recently after minimal contact we stayed IG friends so likes here& there

Asked me to dinner and said he's ready for a rship that would lead to marriage

He is still living abroad for another year& said he would return if we get serious & make decisions that benefit me too

How do I navigate? I'm risk adverse

Do you think you all made enough progress or getting to know in that original 4 months of dating? Is he contacting you out of convenience or trying to woo you temporarily (while he's back near your location)? If not, are you actually willing to wait or be in a long-distance relationship?

I won’t say this will be a disaster like McK2 😂, but I’d be wary of someone claiming to want a committed relationship after a 4 year gap. 4 years is a lot of time, who knows if you’re even still compatible? Date him if you want to, but treat it like a brand new relationship because it is. And date other people at the same time unless/until you determine that what he does matches what he says.

This is not going to end well

OP-I’m a believer that people can change with time (hence my prior tone) but the reality is most don’t. Odds are the others are right. And I know as a black woman, the pickings feel slim. Whatever you decide, don’t let fear or comfort be a driver. And get the male perspective from a good man of you trust. I’ve gotten some of the best dating advice from them

Update 5 months later
He is still not serious. After about a month of talking regularly, i recognised he was mostly lonely and just wanted a pretty face to keep him company. I pulled back, and he didn't stop me.

I didn't stop dating and am now in a rship with a man who is a leader, loves God, is intentional about our future, supportive, thoughtful, and waaaaaaay finer.

Thank you all for the food for thought

1 week is a short amount time to make that decision so it shouldn’t be all or nothing. If you’re open to the path, ask if you can take it slow as you reconnect and make those decisions in due time. It’ll give you time to make an informed one.

3M proposed some good questions to consider out of self-reflection. I think that should be priority to know where you are. You can ask him the “right questions” and get the “right answers” now but it’s his actions and consistency that will show you where he truly is.

A 42 year old man trying to finally settle down is a red flag.

He's a very disciplined person, so I am confident that if we decide to be exclusive, he will honor that. He wanted to date other ppl but said he never did. He just felt it was too soon, and he had many moving pieces as he was going abroad

CAVEAT: I'm also cute. He is smitten and tells me I'm beautiful and perfect, which I appreciate as I do take good care of myself

I'm 35, he's 42, and both very active

Why did he want to keep dating and see other people before?

Could it be that he wasn't able to find someone better in Asia so he came back to you?

I would be very suspicious of his intentions - I'm risk averse too

Yes sorry he’s so hot usually means he’s very good looking & some know you are more into them. Remember you stated not my style in as far as his suggestion of dating other ppl. How can you be sure this mindset changed and he will be exclusive for 12 months and a 12 hour time difference?

Never makes someone a priority when they treat you like an option. He contacts you and says that he's ready to get married...after being abroad for how long? When you only dated for 4 months? And all of this is contingent upon him feeling like you're worth it to leave his overseas post? In a YEAR?!
Sis.
You're worth more than this.

What do you have to lose? Go for it!

Lol. Cute. You're optimistic, Sis
We shall see. He needs me more than I do at this point. With him being away and having limited black women in his environment. I need to see effort.
I've booked marked this chat, so I will definitely give y'all a 3 month update 🖤

4 years ago I would have gone exclusive with him, but honestly, I've worked on my own stuff so much I know I'm a way better woman. He claims he's done work& is better, man. It almost feels like we're picking up where se left off.
I trusted his leadership& admired his faith, hence being willing then to give it ago. He leaves usa in a week, so kinda feel it's a bit rushed, but he's invited me to come visit him in Asia.
Just trying to ask myself questions& think about what I should be asking him before he leaves
Help please

He's so hot 🔥 🥵 😍
Ok, focus focus focus
Other things to consider
How are those of you in long distance making it work, especially with a 12-hour time difference please

4 years later he probably feels you are still single. Men judge women more. They settle down when they are ready. Hopefully in the 4 years you were posting dates and relationships.

Noooooo no no

Don’t waste your time!

He’s talking about “if we get serious” LOL

Focus on your local relationships.

I’ve seen this happen and turn into marriage. Call him and start up this long distance relationship. It’s hard but also will help build up your communication skills needed to sustain a marriage. So practice communications now and move forward with you relationship with this man, your future husband!!! You don’t want to have the what ifs. If it don’t work out, then you know.

Yes, I have 3 other guys I've been invited out by, so I will engage with them all.
It's weird it didn't feel like it's been 4 years. It feels like we've picked back up where we left off as there was little animosity between us.
I've had 2 rships and dated some solid guys in our time apart. He has his pros and cons, but the long distance is my biggest pause.
But yes, I'll try to date others. I don't have much time juggling so many other commitments

Agreed. We went out a couple of times before he left. It was nice. Picked up like we never stopped. Butttttt, I'm not holding my breath and actively dating other men. Thanks for keeping me grounded and reminding me to put myself first.
I don't want to be in a long-distance relationship that has no end in sight
I don't live near a base and don't plan on moving near one anytime soon
I decided we could be friends, no expectation