Tips on conflict resolution/taking a breath/cutting your spouse and self some slack? Covid has upended our life, we have a two year old, living with family, barely have sex, at each other’s throats constantly, and are both exhausted and suffering. I’m also the only one in therapy, but it doesn’t seem like enough. My parents did not set a good example of marriage by any stretch, and it feels like my baggage is especially heavy right now.

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I feel you on this. Here’s a few things that work for us. We have two kids, I make the money, husband works PT. Finances, patience, time, resources, we strugglin’, ALWAYS.

Take a lot of walks. Get space outside the house as much as possible. Do yoga-even 20 mins can help your anxiety. Try and wait before you argue. De-escalate the situation as much as possible. So if you’re sensing an argument brewing, just try to break and take a walk or pause. It’s easier said than done but it helps. Have a friend or relative to call and vent to. Smoke weed or have a glass of wine in the evening, whatever can help you decompress.

And mostly just be easy on yourselves because this situation is fucked and we’re all struggling and there is literally no help or guidance from the government at a societal level we’ve been pretty much beached on an island with no food except one coconut and the captain of the boat is a madman screaming at the trees claiming they plotted against him and there is no help coming and so you’re looking at the shells on the beach wondering if you write “SOS” will anybody see them from space and/or a drone? And then what? Anyway, make a fishing net and try to keep each other warm on the beach and try to make the best of it, maybe you’ll get a nice deep rugged tan and killer biceps while you’re fighting for survival and look like Michon from TWD when this is over and hopefully in the montage of your grueling 4 years of insanity with the madman captain stranded on the island you learn some important life skills and survival tactics and when you’re old and sitting on the porch rocking yourself to sleep with your grandkids at your feet you’ll have some wild insightful moments of wisdom to share with them.

Anyway that’s my tactic. I’m sorry you’re struggling. It sucks. I feel you ma.

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Ditto here down to the two year old, no sex, and escalating arguments. We agreed to hiring a nanny one Saturday every other weekend, and used that time to take walks, watch a movie together (in our converted laundry room / office), eat lunch (when outdoor dining was allowed), etc.

Our major breakthrough has been that he treats our conversations the same way he treats his work conversations. Which is to say - assume he’s right and project 100% confidence and win the argument. I finally got him to realize that when he talks to me that way he’s a patronizing ass and I will not tolerate it. (Also realizing that I used to tolerate a level of this but with COVID stresses my patience jar was EMPTY).

Good luck mama, take care of yourself.

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Thank you. I appreciate the tips, perspective, and injection of humor.

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I’m in the same boat here down to the 2 year old. Thank you for the tips and perspectives. Mostly i’m comforted I’m not alone. This year has been a lot of trial and error, eventually we find a rhythm until that’s interrupted and then back to square one, but at least we have some building blocks to start from.

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