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I see several posts from people asking how they can help during these times with a few extra $$$ to spend. Here is just one of many ideas.
www.stepuptothetable.com
#stepuptothetable is about helping local restaurants who are struggling during these times. I have seen numerous linkedin posts with videos where people challenge each other to step up to the table & buy meals & gift cards from their community restaurants. A great way for those of us who are more fortunate to support business & keep people employed.
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Safe to see friends this weekend?
Rising Star
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This is really just not a big deal
I just take posts like this as data points -- a way to check how I interact with others and how my assumptions play into that. Why not try to learn something that could help you be more sensitive in a future relationship or interaction?
Nah, don’t interpret that way. I don’t think anyone else does. The most important thing to making time off more acceptable is to just act like it’s normal to be gone. More people will do it and you won’t look like a slacker, but like a normal person taking time off
It just sounds like they missed you. I assume your maternity leave is literally part of your employment package.
I think for a woman coming back from mat leave, it can be a big deal. There is scrutiny and it’s stressful learning how to balance work and a new baby, feeling like you need to prove yourself more than before. So whether it was meant that way - it puts a spotlight on the absence of someone who is already feeling re-entry stress.
And Its not cool to tell someone what they should or shouldn’t feel. Clearly OP is bothered by this.
But the problem is, women are interpreted as being lazy or unable to manage motherhood and work. I am going through this myself after having a complete shoulder replacement. I get all my work done around my physical therapy appointments, and last week, my new boss ( a woman) had the unmitigated gall to ask if I am able to handle my workload.
It seems that if women take time off of work for maternity leave or health problems we are weak and unable to do our jobs. Men can take off for similar reasons and it's business as usual for them.
It's time for employers to stop treating women as weak, feeble creatures!
I think you're over thinking
I have an employee that has been gone the appropriate amount of time for her and her baby, but it still feels like forever because I missed her everyday. It’s not a slight on her but rather the opposite — a recognition of how much we value and appreciate her.
I would’ve interpreted this the same way you did. Seems like a lot of people don’t put much thought into how they phrase things. Your coworker may have intended to say they missed you, but what they actually said was how long your maternity leave was. Comments like those are crummy and make people feel guilty about taking time for their families
Hope you had a good maternity break, and that you & your new baby are doing well!
Rising Star
Completely agree with you. People are insanely insensitive to and unaware of the guilt and pressure on parents returning from leave. The comments above are proof positive!
Congrats on your family expansion and thank you for giving this some air time
We need to be aware of unconscious bias towards women who take maternity leave. It happens. We shouldn’t make them feel like they were gone for a long time, even if we have good intentions
Is 4-6 months not a long time?
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We’re happy you had your baby and took the time you needed to heal and bond with your child, but we had to pick up the slack while you were gone!
I would like to add that I my experience people without children are often expected to work later when needed, less able to wfh (before pandemic) and less able to book time off during school holidays. I'm based in the UK and it is very normal and expected for mat/new parent leave to be 9 to 12 months.
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I’m glad they didn’t talk to you during your leave and try to make you work.
Sometimes people say things wrong. That doesn't make it feel less crummy. But if people feel you were gone for a long time they really felt your absence, which must mean they missed you and youre an asset to the team. :) Hope you and your baby are well!
I’d need to know more about your relationship to this person to give any perspective in a real sense but it sounds like you may be in a toxic team environment if you’re reading it that way. I have handled similar in the past by just leaning into it hard. “Thanks! Yes, isn’t it awesome [company] is so supportive of families?” Normalize unapologetically taking Parental leave. It’s a benefit offered to you as part of your compensation package.
Based upon OPs post it sounds like the person is being nice or trying to
My wife’s boss asked her “how was your vacation” after her maternity leave. He probably had good intentions, but it didn’t go well at all.
I think you’re overthinking this. I had several co-workers go on mat/pat leave over the years and I was nothing but excited for them to return and catch them up on what happened while they were away.
I think everyone is sensitive to whatever their situation is. Women do often face more scrutiny about ANY time they take off. I am very fortunate to work for a company that grants new parent leave so it is not viewed as just a "woman thing". But I do think that we often project our own insecurities and worries onto others' comments, The person who welcomed you back likely truly missed you and did not mean to make it sound as if you were gone an unreasonable amount of time. it may be that you are also feeling like getting back into the groove is tough after an extended absence and this affected how you took the comment. That said, telling someone "hey I mentioned to your supervisor (or supervisor's supervisor) how long you have been gone" does seem a bit passive-aggressive.
If maternity leave were more standardized in the US I don’t think it would be as weird. But every company does it differently with complicates things.