To those who went to a fancy private school: do you think it was good for your psychology? We are lucky to choose to send our son to a very good public school or a well known private school. (Cont)

I went to an amazing public school that shared a campus with an inner city type high school. I had plenty of friends who went to the fancy private school, and I will tell you, we always took pride in the diversity of our public school. I was exposed to cultures I never would have known (we had an amazing step team and break dance team, and my lunch crew consisted of kids from multiple parts of the world).

I think I’m a better person for being part of the public school, and I saw friends from the rich school getting into the kind of trouble people from my school couldn’t afford (coke, car accidents because they all got cars when they were 16 etc).

I went to a private boarding school for high school and thought it was a great experience. There were a lot of kids who were more privileged than me but it definitely didn’t impact my psychology that much. I’m still very close to my friends that I made there and it brought me a great network that I’ve been able to leverage for my career

I can only say that I work at a company that employs some of the most entitled, self-important, least empathetic folks in the world.

I came from a blue collar upbringing and attended public school. Yet I still worked hard and found my way to the top of my profession.

There is a profound lack of humanity amongst the elite. Please do not raise any more of these unlikeable specimens!

Always public school

I went to good private schools and my wife went to good public schools. We both ended up in similar places. I think parents have more influence on your child’s psychology. Career wise, I know plenty of people who ended up better or worse off than me from both public and private schools and universities. So in the long run, I think parents and family values will have more affect than the school. However, there are a few elite private schools that are super fancy and your kids end up networking with kids of famous politicians, celebrities, and billionaires. I can’t speak for those super elite schools.

Big believer that education is more about who you’re around and the environment you’re in over what you actually learn. Went to a fancy private school for my state, then a top-20 college (college opened me up to a whole different world I never had in high school).

After meeting boarding school kids in college I wish I could’ve gone to one. They seemed much more advanced and well rounded than most others.

I probably grew up inline/ slightly lower than classmates in high school but that really didn’t make a difference IMO

Went to a public school up until high school, then an elite private high school. Difference to me was night and day in favor of the private high school. Take this as an n=1 anecdote rather than data, for me, the rich private school culture was so much more humble and empathetic than the public school one. In public school there was a pervasive toxicity, complicit within the school administration, towards anyone trying to better themselves, as being rich and successful in life was viewed as being a sell-out. Kids trying to succeed academically were generally bully targets (crabs in a bucket mentality).

Whereas in the private school the culture was so much more supportive and encouraging. Most people focus on the quality of the facilities, teachers, etc. when looking at a private school but I would recommend evaluating the overall culture and ethos of the school.

From a practical and statistical viewpoint, your child is many times more likely to be successful (at least by traditional standards of higher education, high salary, no jail time, etc.) if he went to a private school. This is almost certainly a larger societal problem, but my personal and humble opinion is that your responsibility lies first with your children, second to your society.

DM if you want to talk more, my children aren’t of school age quite yet but it’s something I’ve thought a lot about recently.

Just like having the option to choose between the kind of school comes through as privilege, I grew up in an environment where the very option to go to school was one. A poor family in a small town in a developing nation was able to muster enough resources that I go to a public school in a neighboring town. Since we were in a remote town, this school had a mix of lower class and lower middle class kids. I grew up hating on the fancy kids I encountered, but the hate was just misdirected envy. I was envious of the opportunities they could afford - new books, tutors, extracurricular lessons, art supplies, summer camp, and so on. Until my late teens I kept brooding over how it could have been better if it were a slightly better school. Looking back, I am fine with the cards I was dealt as I am still here and I am doing alright after all.

OP, I encourage you to take advantage of your privilege and help your son put his best foot forward. The network, faculty, resources, and opportunities will help him immensely.

I know that happiness is relative. If you live in a neighbourhood where everyone owns a Porsche, then having a bmw won’t make you happy. I am worried that seeing very privileged kids will impact his psychology in the sense that he will never satisfy with what he has. But this private school has an unbelievable campus with great facilities, teachers. It can also provide him with a great network. If you experienced something similar, can you tell us about it? What would you do?

I went to a high-end private school, although wouldn't say it was fancy.

We had small class sizes, challenging classes, and electives that started junior year. Also we were generally not taught the 'standard' version of everything. For example, American history included negative impact of colonizers on native Americans, and I was shocked to find out in college that this was new to a lot of my classmates. The school definitely fostered an atmosphere of free thinking and exploration.

One of the bigger things I would look for is matriculations statistics and extracurriculars, in addition to how the school could support any specific interests your child has. I was competing at a national level in sports, and the school did a good job of accommodating my absences.

I won't say that looking across my class we are the most successful group in terms of income, but there is a fantastically diverse set of alums that include doctors, writers, reporters, actors, musicians, park rangers, researchers, and also consultants.

Uniformed kid here. I suppose when you grow up within that bubble, you don’t actually realize that you are in a privileged situation until you are in college and interacting with kids from different backgrounds. As a kid, you aren’t aware of things like tuition costs or that public schools don’t have placement staff — all you know if that those kids get free dress, and you are jealous. And since private school is kind of like the Sandals of schooling (all-inclusive, everyone wears the same things) you don’t notice toooo much if another kid has an expensive thingamabob that you don’t (if you are the type to care about that, you will care about that no matter what your environment, and that’s more an issue of parenting style than privilege imo). I think private schooling was worth it (although I gasped when I first happened upon the tuition on wiki) because you are carefully, for lack of better wording, herded towards the ultimate destination of a good college, whether you like it or not. The network and name clout is also a real thing, and you (sadly) do see a lot of people in their 30s+ proudly associating with their HS (and sometimes even primary school cough) alma mater. That kinda of stuff comes up in interviews or when networking years down the road.

You can’t go wrong. Parents are our first teachers and success happens at home (usually).
I went to a small all female catholic school, located in a convent. I LOVE it! Wouldn’t trade it for the world. I also know amazing people who feel the same about large public schools.

OP it sounds like you have two great options, there’s no bad choice here!

I’m with M3 and E1. Went to an elite boarding school and rank that as my most important academic experience; above Little Ivy undergrad and M7 MBA.
Our zone has the best public school in one of the best districts in Massachusetts. I still send my kid to private elementary and hope to send her to a similar school as I went to. Diversity is important or my wife and me. The private school my kid goes to is more diverse by far than the lily-white public school alternative. Add to that ridiculous student teacher ratios and overall attention my kid gets, as well as the myriad of choices and resources, and it’s worth the (whole lotta) money.
Finally, the kids were both selected and for the most part want to be there. Many drive a long distance to attend. Very different than just going to a school cause it’s the district you live in, as E1 and M3 alluded to. Different pool of kids.

I went to private school and my sister went to public school. I’ll tell you we both had similar friends and did similar activities. She had better access to taking college classes in high school and I had a more directive learning experience. My parents put me in the school they did because they believe we I would be more successful in that environment and put her in Hera because of the same thing.
If you are fortunate to have access to good public and private schools I’d recommend visiting both with your child and determining what’s going to suit their learning style and social needs.

I went to a top public middle school, high school, and a top 20 university after. The public high-school provided an excellent education.

If the public school is a very good one, I can almost guarantee your child will be better off in multiple dimensions if you send your kid to the public school and invest the saved tuition in an index fund for them to inherit when they turn 25.

What does your kid want?

The private school kids I know all ended up getting screwed up on drugs. Public school it happens but the diverse culture is what was better. You can get diversity in private school but it’s manufactured.