What's your approach for dealing with super passive aggressive comments when you're leaving the office at 5pm? Justify myself (feels defensive) or ignore (feels too passive)?

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I do not deal with those type of comments anymore at all. If the person does not have the emotional maturity to be direct and talk about an issue that is bothering them, then I do not have the time or interest in trying to figure it out for them. Smile and move on. Poor communication skills are not rewarded.

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I smile and wave!
And then when I’m in the next day before them ..... I smile and wave again

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If someone says something to you or near you, look directly at them, pause, and say clearly, “if you want to discuss my schedule stop by my office at 10 tomorrow so we can do so professionally.” Nod and leave.
If they do stop by (doubtful) and do anything other than offer an apology, you say, “I’m sorry you are distressed by my situation. I’m not inclined to change it into suit your preferences, but if you really feel that it’s unfair, feel free to take it up with my manager or with HR. Otherwise you should focus on your career and I’ll focus on mine."

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Brush it off and kill 'em with kindness.

Or send them emails at all hours and prove that they're just an asshole?

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Oh hellllllllll no. First of all I would immediately snap back with something sassy like: “ah yes, running home to cook my child dinner, clean up, make their the bottles, clean their bottles and put him/her to sleep— just so they know I exist.... very luxurious.” Then I would arrange a meeting with those individuals immediately and let them know it is unacceptable and offensive to make those comments. Also, let them know that if it continues you will escalate to HR.

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One time a colleague said “let me know who stayed the latest” as he slung his backpack on and left at 5 after finishing his work.

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Just walk out with your head held high. No one messes with confidence. You know you accomplished more in your day to leave at 5 then they do in 2 work days to stay for.... a fake pat on the back?

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If you are awesome at your role it shouldn’t matter when you leave. The work gets done. Can you offer to dial in remotely if it’s an issue?Definitely stand by the boundaries you set.

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What are the comments? Are you sure it’s not internal guilt? It took me a while to break that internalization.

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CD1 - how did you do it? I still struggle with that.

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Thanks everyone for your help.

The 2 comments that irritate me the most are in team meetings when I am letting people know at the beginning of the meeting that I use a hard stop at 5pm, and when im getting up to leave and someone blurts out "must be nice."

Or when someone passive aggressively says "let's meet end of day, 5-6pm, oh wait, you leave early every day, I guess we'll just have to do it without you."

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Agree with so many of you! People don’t mess with confidence. I have to leave very early but I work my ass off and I’m good at my job. I ignore it because the people that matter know how hard I work and I make up for every second I’m not there live. Set your boundaries, stick to them and work hard. Let go of the internal guilt.

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I totally feel The looks and I'm sure there are comments from my non kid having colleagues, but I ignore them and I will never apologize for missing anything or leaving early for my kid. Having a family is not something to "be sorry" about, it's a source of pride and my kid deserves that respect. I also try to give grace to my kidless colleagues and remember that there's no way they will understand the full time second job have a kid is. Work demands will never end but my kid being 4 and needing me in the ways a 4 year old does will end and for me it's more important to be there for him than answer a mail that can wait until tomorrow or be in a meeting that's scheduled for when I have to pick him up.

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I think you should pull them aside and talk about it. And not apologize. I'm sure you put in your time pre-kids like most of us.

@ECD1 I know that if I need to work from home to get shit done, I will. And despite struggling with confidence at times, I know that I deliver (or overdeliver) on most projects. So that epiphany led to the realization that leaving by 6 doesn’t invalidate who I am as a boss or Creative.

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