Wife wants to separate so we can get some distance and rediscover ourselves individually and as a couple. How would yall handle finances? Currently we are fully joint with a 2.5m NW. I work (400k+ / yr) she doesn't but can get a job between 150-300k.

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Hire a PI and find out exactly how she’s “rediscovering” herself. This may give you some leverage.

likesmartfunny

This is an important step bc you are def going to need leverage. Once you separate, you will be served with divorce docs. She has likely already done the legal financial ground work to know what she’s gonna take from you.

Talk to a divorce attorney asap about how to protect your assets NOW.

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Contact a divorce attorney right now.

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you’re being kicked to the curb
protect what you can but likely will end up splitting assets

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no but best to proactively speak w attorney

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She’s got someone else

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I’m sorry to hear that. I encourage couples who are struggling to pause before seeing divorce as the only option. It can be meaningful to reread the vows once made—not as a burden, but as a reminder of the covenant entered into before God.
I serve a God of impossibilities—a God who restores what feels broken and breathes life where hope feels thin. Restoration doesn’t always come quickly or easily, but it is possible with humility, support, and faith.
I strongly encourage seeking help from a trusted Christian counselor or pastor. Asking for help is not failure; it’s stewardship of your marriage and your family. No one is meant to walk these seasons alone. I’ll be praying for you. I’ll be praying for you. Happy blessed and healthy New Year 26. Shalom

likefunny

I appreciate it.

You’ll need an attorney, whether her self-discovery leads to reunification or divorce. If it’s divorce, you’ll need to know how everything splits, which is different for every state. If it’s reunification, a post-nup may be advisable to regulate finances on an individual basis and prevent any surprises if she wants to re-discover herself again sometime down the line. Either way, courts would decide how the money ultimately splits, as they’re the institutions in charge of interpreting nuptials or divorce law, so get an attorney and discuss both eventualities.

likesmart

Listen carefully. Do not leave the house under any circumstances as she can file for abandonment and make your life miserable. Also lawyer up ASAP and explain the situation as you don't want to be caught empty handed if she is already discussing this with counsel. And do not let her know you are talking to lawyers either. If she is already having these kinds of thoughts, she may move forward aggressively. And given that she doesn't work, you'll be forced to lay alimony for at least 2-5 years, doesn't matter if she can get a job or not. If she has a good lawyer, they can make a case for her that it may take years before she's marketable again. I went through something similar in 2020 but was completely naive to the situation because I met my now ex-wife when I was 24. I was almost 40 when she threw the curveball at me. I had to spend almost $200k on legal fees and other misc costs related to the divorce. If you can salvage it, that's the cheapest option. Especially if you can convince her to go back to work.

likesmart

$1.25M could be somewhat insufficient for a comfortable retirement if you don’t have any passive income.

smart

Ok…. I missed where the post talks about “enough” or even retirement at all.

She 100% has someone else. No one leaves a warm bed for a cold bed. And she doesn’t even have a job?!?

I disagree. But she definitely did her research and knows she has a case to receive alimony while not having to deal with whatever issues she thinks she has with her husband. Women like this are incredibly toxic and narcissistic.

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