Related Posts
Bowl Leader
My friends and I when we go out
Does anyone here work for Silicon Valley Bank? They recently acquired Boston Private. I’m a candidate for a job at Boston Private. Wondering if SVB is planning layoffs in the near term at BP? Also, does anyone know the anticipated benefits to be rolled out from SVB as the parent company? Specifically interested in health insurance providers. Thanks in advance for any information! Silicon Valley Bank
Pro
How does one get on at a family office?
More Posts
I have received offer from Wipro which is little above than the offer that I am holding but fixed pay is less. Thinking of rejecting Wipro offer. Is it better to reject or accept and then not join. Also if I reject, will there be any issue like they won't consider me in future?Tata Consultancy Wipro Cognizant Infosys
How long to hear back typically after a round?
Conversation Starter
Additional Posts in Desi Consultants
Conversation Starter
Rising Star
Community Builder
Conversation Starter
New to Fishbowl?
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Desi people really need to evolve and undo these expectations
Pro
B&C spot on. All desi ways are barbaric these days and western ways are the way to go 🙄
If she lived in USA for 20 years rent a place with in 10 mins from your place so that your husband can support as needed and you can be at peace
Rising Star
Live with who though? Your MIL? SIL? Husband’s ex? 😉
Husband’s pet
Let her move in. It’s your duty.
KPMG1 - so what about your wife’s parents. You would have yours and her parents live under the same roof and take care of them?
Rising Star
Male here. You don’t need to agree to anything you don’t like. Period. If your husband is expecting something and you don’t like the idea then just talk it through and make him understand it’s not gonna work for you.
Pro
If you don’t have kids, why don’t you leave him
Sorry I mean my MIL
Conversation Starter
Lots of details are missing here and also I won’t comment on the issues/expectations between your husband and you but if your MIL does not have any other place to live or if she is not able to live on her own then definitely you should support your husband and let your MIL stay with both of you.
Pro
This should be a conversation with your SO. It shouldn’t be dictated by your ethnicity or region. In a relationship or marriage, there are compromises. Specially when it comes to taking care of aging parents. Applies to all cultures, all countries. But it needs to be mutual and not a given.
So incredibly hard to suggest something, unless both sides are heard
Your MIL?
I grew up in the US but… I think both spouses should do what they can to support each other and come up with some kind of compromise (like his mom can stay with you part time and part time with his sisters). If it’s important to your husband for your MIL to stay, I would expect him to be supportive towards your concerns and try to help address them. If he’s not, and he’s just doing whatever he wants under the expectation that you should just accept it, then that’s not fair to you.
I don’t know what the best solution is here because I don’t know your marriage, but if it’s not really within your control, and she’s going to move in, keep talking to your husband and try to establish boundaries when it comes to your MIL. Take it day by day. Situations like these seem a lot worse when you look at it from an overall perspective.
We need some more details…
Will she be homeless if she doesn’t live with you? Is she familiar with the US?
Why can’t his sister’s shoulder some of the burden?
Do y’all have space for her without impeding on your reasonable expectation to comfort in the home?
Pro
Frankly, I would have trust issues … what if the daughter in law turns around tomorrow and says get out of my house?
Rising Star
If she has her own space and is able bodied, I think it would be good for both parties (MIL and you/your husband) to live separately. You will have a far healthier relationship that way. You can visit frequently, live close to each other, and your husband can support her financially too but separate spaces is key. You MIL and husband might not realize it right away but it would better especially if your mil has her own guests (family, friends, and daughter’s extended family) that visit often
Think about if your parents were to be in same situation, how would you react? We often tie to Desi mentality but I have seen in US as well where parents live with children. Life is all about adjustments.
Rising Star
taking care of aging parents is a duty even though it might be just for emotional support esp when they are asking for it , not necessarily sickness or financial need & it applies to both parents his & yours . this even makes more sense if one of the parents have passed away. personally i would never be at mental peace if my mother is asking to stay with me & i turn her away or try to find alternative solution instead of accommodating her.
Rising Star
I wouldn’t think of it as “duty” as that brings an element of being forced into it. Sure there’s compromise, but it would be both ways.
What has changed in Mil’s situation that she wants to move in - I’m sure something must’ve happened (esp if she’s been living apart for 20 years)
Op isn’t sharing all the details.
Frankly I would have her stay with us if I was in OPs position. That additional support is something we all crave for. Op is fortunate.
Grammar indicates it’s the husband posting
Well, if it's a non negotiable for your husband then this could be one area you could compromise for his happiness. I am sure there are, or should be, other areas that your husband compromises for you too. Else you two could always divorce each other.