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D1 - I guess the question is really around spending time with extended family vs your own family. At some point we need to make our own traditions.
Same boat - for me I simply held the holiday celebration at my place and invited everyone....
We stopped post kids.
Happy wife, happy life. At some point you've got to put your foot down. If you don't set boundaries with your family, as much as you love them, it will drive a wedge between you and your wife. Of course, it also depends on both of your backgrounds. If you're a Vanderbilt, it gets complicated. If you came from poverty, family culture is similarly demanding, but is easier to push back on with minimal consequences. Just remember - your family (wife + kids) is a new entity. You don't cut off your family, but the relationship necessarily changes.
The first two years of our marriage we split holidays between our families. Then we decided which holidays we would spend with family vs on our own. Thanksgiving is one we more readily share, while Christmas is one we are claiming and making our own. We've settled on one extended visit with each side of the family per year. Could be vacation, could be aligned with a holiday. The rest of the time, family is welcome to visit, but it's on our terms.
Thanks all! Helpful feedback.
Why wouldn’t you want your kids to spend holidays with their grandparents? I don’t get the mindset. Isn’t the point of holidays to be with family? Is the travel just too much?
Man. Reading this Im glad we all live in the same town
Op, to each their own. I guess I am lucky to be able to go back home for every Thanksgiving and Christmas and keep our extended family in the traditions. I hope my kids want to spend the holidays with me when I am older. I will admit that lugging Christmas presents home is becoming a challenge