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It's very hard, but for me was made possibly more difficult by a 4 year age gap and reset. As others have said, do it now. They will engage in play together closer and you will lessen the reset time. It will be a tough haul for 2-3years though.
Biggest benefit I see from having 2 is how they interact with each other. It is a true joy watching them play together. We have to play UN every here and there but they are getting better by the month. We love that dynamic.
Have 2 girls 3.5 and 11 mos. Same advise as many. So it now, or never. Scheduling is tricky (try to have a routine), daycare is expensive (our largest single expense monthly), and family/help close by makes a big difference make sure they're able and willing), know that it is all temporary in the short term with long term rewards.
Ultimately we went for 2 so they could grow up to be friends and entertain each other. I have lots of FOMO about things we could be doing without kids or with just 1, but I can already feel things getting "easier"
Father of a 3 and 6 year old here. Honestly biggest difficulty/strain is scheduling. One in daycare one in school becomes one in daycare and and one in camp.. multiple drop offs and pickups. IF you have help in the area or can hire some makes it a LOT easier. That said, as they become more self sufficient becomes a lot easier.
What are your outsourcing? We have a monthly cleaner and daycare. Not a lot of family/ help other than that
Basically it's short term craziness but with long term awesomeness! I'm glad we had our second.. both my boys (8 & 4 now) get along very well, most of the time! 😃 They are both very different but that's half the fun!
Don't get me wrong... It's tough but once the second kid starts school things all even out... It's a very personal decision but for us, it was something me and the wife really wanted..
One thing you really have to consider is finances.. got to get yourself used to the fact that disposable income is gonna be substantially reduced if you do decide to have a second
What are the biggest financial surprises you had? Obviously have the additional childcare/ education expenses and basic living cost. Anything else?
Dad x3 here, not sure what your relationships dynamics are, if both work or 1? At any rate if you’re planning to have more than 1 do it NOW, trust me in a few years you’ll have part of you time back as they grow but if you have big gaps you’ll restart the process again in a few years.
Both work and agree. It’s basically now or never
Agree with SD, scheduling is a big thing. SO and I were sitting down talking through the schedule for out 2 little ones and the worker turned to us and said you all are good birth control, would want to deal with all that planning.
1 is fun, 2 can be really fun, but every child is different so you don't know if they'll be chill, crazy energetic or other.
Also Childcare expenses are horrible, especially if no family to get cheaper "timeoff"
Really glad we took the plunge and had 2nd.
It will all work out.
It’s hard when they’re little but that goes by so fast… before you know it
Father of 2 under 2. It’s hard…very hard. The only thing that would ever change my calculus on having 2 or more kids is whether or not 1) we have or can get help 2) we can afford help whether it be nanny or day care.
This includes paying for babysitting for date nights and help for overnight weekends so we can’t take a night or two away from the kids.
If I was in your position, I’d probably go to couples therapy to improve your current relationship before you make this big decision.
Yea what D2 said. We’re in a good spot but the first kid definitely affected her mental health for a little while which was stressful for all of us.
This sounds basically like my exact scenario. Throw in that we will likely have to do IVF which was a nightmare for my wife the last time… and I’m leaning toward no to a second. I grew up with 2 siblings and conceptually like the idea since I’m close-ish with mine. My wife is not with hers and never really was so she’s sort of the counterpoint that sometimes siblings don’t get along super well long term.
I don’t know though. I adore my kid so much. Maybe a second would also be amazing. I go back and forth a lot right now.
Honestly right now I feel like my wife and I haven’t had any time to ourselves to even just have a deeper discussion about this. We really need a couple days. But no fam nearby to take care of the kid and she has a condition where we aren’t comfortable with overnight care by someone soooo making it tough to get mental space.
Highly would recommend looking into having an AuPair if you don’t have help around. They’d need their own room and guidance (initially). But it’s an extra hand around. Ours has been a huge help after having our second child. Drop off, pick up, play dates and park time all outsourced for around 400/week (200/week to AuPair / additional 10k annual fee)
SA2
If you don’t mind me asking where do you live? $200 or $400 a week for AuPair sounds too little.
The 1st kid is always for the parents (you and your partner).
The 2nd is for the 1st to grow up with.
If you and your partner are OK with your current child growing up alone without a sibling / siblings, then you have your answer.
If not, then you and your partner need to make it work.
Nobody said parenting is easy and alot of people have a kid just to check the box.