Do you get a feeling that you are never kinda allowed to have an off day at home? Almost 40M with 2 kids and get this feeling that I can never lay low for a day or two even if I want to.

Bro, I have 4 kids under 10 - I completely feel you.

My wife homeschools so she is completely occupied with that all day and is all children all the time. When I get done with work she tries to get a break by putting stuff off on me seemingly unaware that I’ve just jumped from the pot into the fire.

I just assume that this is the phase of my life and that we’ll both have time for us when this season is over. And try to make the best of it along the way. They say that days are long but years short. I try not to lose sight of this as I fear the day my when my kids no longer “pester” me to play with them.

I feel you here. I have 2 kids (5 & 3). They both go to school, but I’m so busy with work all day, I don’t get time to relax… the weekends are always consumed with kids. We don’t have family nearby where we could leave the kids for a couple days to get away. I’m currently working on trying to find some time to take a day off of work in the middle of the week while the kids are at school so I can have some time to relax. My wife works from home full time as well, so we are always on top of each other. I love her and enjoy hanging with her, but I would kill for a day to just hang out at home with nobody in the house and make my own decisions (when to eat, what to watch on tv, and perhaps be able to watch an entire show without any interruption). I’ll keep dreaming… keep us posted if you figure out some way to make it work!

Same! 37M, 2 boys (5 and 2). My wife works a demanding job too and we have no help (can’t afford it). It feels like I’m trapped in a cycle of insanity. It got so bad my wife offered to get me a hotel room for my birthday one year just so I could have 2 quiet days.

I have thought many times about renting an airbnb near my home to go catch some sleep 😴 Young kids are quite a handful but I won’t trade this with anything else!

Agree with everyone in this chat. We have two kids in primary school. After a 75h work week and sometimes work on the weekend, my wife expects that I spend the weekend with the kids and household chores. This is because she also works (60%, not my hours).

I have maybe 3-4 days a year that I can spend outside of work and without someone from my household. Never get a break. 😖

I am also considering to take a day off during the week once in a while, so that I can have it for myself, e.g. go hunting.

Same here! 31M 2 kids (2 and <1). We are a bit lucky though cause we have my in-laws close by and they don’t mind keeping kids overnight. That’s the only option I see. Recently I was talking to friends in a similar situation and we couldn’t help thinking of people would feel okay leaving their kids at an overnight daycare like service! They struggle a lot with this because they don’t have family around

All I can say is I’m looking forward to my kids being old enough to go to sleep away summer camps 😁

Three kids under 10 here. Do you all find that even when the kids are gone that you still can’t “relax” when home? I feel guilty not getting something accomplished because of the fact that they aren’t home.

It’s funny how people in other parts of the world with lower incomes are able to get cheap maids, professionals should be able to afford a nanny on that salary but somehow we aren’t able to find anything decent. I’d say take PTO even half a day without telling the other party for sanity reasons. My dad was the king of MIA he’d go finishing without telling anybody just came back with fish, he enjoyed the time alone.

This is why I love to hunt. Gives me a reason and planned timing to go totally off the grid to my hunting property for a handful of days every fall. Luckily my wife recognizes I need it and loves the venison so she’s cool with it.

Feels good that I am not alone in this, but also feels bad for all of us, trying to get through this. Not sure if there is any therapy or support group for this.

Our kids are a little older (4th and 6th grade) and it is definitely easier to have chill time now that they are older. But we came to a collective decision that one morning each weekend is unscheduled and unstructured. Kids often watch TV, read, or play independently. I’ll play video games or tinker on a project. SO will go on a run, read and drink coffee… whatever. We used to use this time for chores or play dates or other “out of the house” stuff, but we all felt a bit stressed with the running around. We all feel better when we have the option of a slow morning once a week.

But when they were little? Forget it. They were go-go-go and needed so much oversight that there was no such thing as a slow morning.

Dad x3. Wife is super busy too so we split I work during the week and she is more present with them while she works the weekend and I do daddy duty. Try to do stuff with them so it’s not boring like indoor jumping park where you can sit, watch them play while you try to get some not-on-camera type of work.

In consulting terms look at it as a long term project.

Wow I thought I was alone I’m thinking this exactly. Guess not
A few weeks ago i I went golfing with a friend on a Friday while they were in daycare and that was amazing to get some friend, outdoor time and a break from the kids or work…..So Just take time off work when you need to if you can. It’s better for your productivity in the long run anyway. Work will always be there when you get back

Empathic answer : dude, 100%
Possible advice: some help goes a long, long ways (starting with even a sitter, so you can just go to the store by yourselves, we used a after work nanny to help (hs/college kid made dinner, threw in kids laundry, clean up, put one kid to bed sometimes)
Possible unpopular opinion: best help i got was a mindset shift based on advise from grad school. “ your real job starts Thursday nights, no matter how little sleep you got, how stressful team meeting, or high pressure client meetings, you have to be ready to step up when you get home”