{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Had a medical abortion today (i dont care to hear anyones opinion about the subject) and im disappointed how much much my fiance is minimizing the situation. Seems like he cares more about work than checking up on me", "post_id": "61041dfa24319000204fd7c5", "reply_count": 17, "vote_count": 4, "bowl_id": "5bbbefd16988b7001214b705", "bowl_name": "Unprofessional Topics 🙃" }

Had a medical abortion today (i dont care to hear anyones opinion about the subject) and im disappointed how much much my fiance is minimizing the situation. Seems like he cares more about work than checking up on me

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You should tell him exactly that. It’s very possible he doesn’t know what to say or do and has feelings himself. At the very least, give him the opportunity to support you how you need it by being clear with him on how you’re feeling.

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This. This. This. I deal with grief silently and find ways to distract myself…. This is exactly what my wife thought when we lost a friend… I didn’t know she needed the support without her telling me because when I am comping with things I like being alone.

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To play devils advocate, he may be processing this himself as well. Although it seems like you guys agreed to the decision, it is still an emotional event.

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thank you all for your responses. As some of you have suggested, I confronted him on how i felt and he thought I was doing fine and coping well because i didnt vent or talk much about it. We both broke down and opened up about our feelings and it turns out he was coping as well by keeping to himself

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Glad to hear this SA! Open communication and having each other will get you to the other side. ❤️

My husband is a saint and such a great dad, but he isn’t perfect and one of the times he has let me down is when I had a miscarriage. He wasnt nearly as supportive or sympathetic as I would have liked. Because men don’t get pregnant I think they stay detached from babies until they’re born. Until they see the little thing and hold it they don’t bond. Definitely bring it up but I just wanted to share my story that it doesn’t mean he is a $hit person.

likesmart

Probably not related but something I heard was that, when babies are first born, they're meant to look like their father so it would help their bond at first glance.. I don't know if it's completely true but it was interesting that's such a thing. As for me, I can't tell if babies look like either mother or father till their toddlers so.. I can't relate lol.

I’ve been in your situation. My husband was with me, but checked out once we got home. I took a few days off, while he kept working. Finally I had it and blew up at him and how unsupportive and seemingly uncaring he was. He burst into tears because he didn’t know how he could help me and that he couldn’t watch me go through the pain anymore. Years after, we had a missed miscarriage and it’s the same process as a medical abortion. He stayed by my side. Talk to him. And know others have been there.

likeuplifting

Could be he's furious at you.

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Communication here - can’t stress it enough. He may think you need space or he’s not sure how to process. Have an honest conversation before jumping to conclusions

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hearing some of your experiences have helped - Im going to talk to him about it later. I opted for medical abortion so ive been home in pain all day. I dont think he understands how painful and traumatic this is.

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Did he go with you to the appt? If not, what has he done to help you so far?

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How are you feeling, besides your disappointment in your fiancé? Communicating with him your thoughts and feelings on this difficult experience is key. Was the baby his? He could be just trying to stay busy to not have to think about the situation as a way of him dealing through this

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Are you showing him that this is hard for you? Not that the burden should be on you but it might seem to him like you’re handling it well snd don’t need the support. I’d just be open with him that you need him.

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