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This is how outsiders think when they think of NYC.
She’s a real bugger...
Can I get 15 likes so I can DM please!!??
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Mid twenties men still like to party. It may be better to “boomerang” if he’s really the man you want to marry. let him get this phase out of his system and then come back when he’s ready to by the guy you need him to be. It will hurt more if he betrays your trust now - sounds like he’s pushing boundaries as it is.
Conversation Starter
How long have y’all been together? When I see posts like this I don’t understand how this key lifestyle difference doesn’t come up early as an issue
Over a year. I didn’t notice really notice at first.
Pro
Men love to act like the passive party with no say over what happens to them. "Some girl all up on him" means that he doesn't set good boundaries with women. If he actually cared about you as much as you seem to care about him, he wouldn't be putting himself in those situations all the time. Take it from my personal experience - he's not gonna stop partying bc you ask him to, and probably won't stop for a long time. Trade this child in for a man.
Rising Star
... is he partying during COVID?
No, but as soon as this is over he’s gonna be at the bars.
I think it is impressive you are noticing this. Big differences in values are hard to overcome in a long term relationship. I also suggest you look closely for possible addiction such as finding an excuse to drink or use drugs, is he lying to you about things, how much money is acceptable to spend on partying, Is this affecting his performance at work? Having fun is great but watch for something deeper in his behaviour and what you are will not accept.
Cont. twenties and otherwise I love everything about him and can see a future with him. The partying/drinking is just driving me crazy. I don’t want to say too much and have him stop doing what he enjoys to later resent me for not having fun in his twenties but I also hate this.
Rising Star
Let him go through his experiences- we all evolve at different rates. He’s within the age group to have that kind of lifestyle, if you want something more settled best to find someone who is more aligned.
That’s not my type, but I see a lot of guys who will do this until late 20s until it’s time to “settle down” - them folks take the partying seriously, but also the marriage. Maybe just a poor timing thing - if you’re ready for something else and he’s not ready to hang up his frat boy hat.
I hate to say it but I think you guys just met at the "wrong time in life". Typically that means he wont grow out of that phase until youre already beyond your current stage. This does not mean necessarily breakup- rather this means if you want to continue a serious relationship, express your concerns, hear his thoughts out, both steps done rationally and evaluate whether you guys can compromise and work on it. Compromise does not mean you change him. It means you both change yourselves to meet a comfortable middle zone.
I was on the other side of this. My ex-bf hated me going clubbing and out partying. I felt like he was too controlling and had trust issues. Sure we “compromised,” but that means both parties are unhappy. I started growing resentment towards him for every fun my friends were having without me. We were perfect in every other dimension and loved each others company, but that resentment never went away even after my party days were over and we broke up after 2 years.
Ugh 🥺
Idk what to do guys ☹️ I love him so much.
I know you love him but if you’re uncomfortable with something he does, then you both need to have a serious sit down. Look him in his eyes and let him know why the partying bothers you.
From there you both can then compromise and set rules for the partying. Maybe it’s the amount of times he goes out, maybe you go with him 1 night. Whatever it is, make sure it’s a practical boundary. If you still notice his behavior hasn’t changed, then maybe you just need to love him from afar and be with yourself for a little.
Have you spoken to him about it? You can say that you notice he has been drinking a lot and that you are concerned without making it about other girls flirting with him.