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Hi
I have a current CTC of 6.6 and Mastercard is offering 8.9 (including variable ) . I also have an offer from infosys of 10 ( including variable). Which one should I pick considering work life balance and appraisal.My entire doubt is that will they bring me on market rate after appraisals as currently they are not offering very good hike.
I will be joining HR team
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I’m mid-30s and child-free, so this is likely a different perspective. In the last decade I’ve watched friends start families and inevitably drift away as home life became their priority - and of course that is hard on friendships, which I think is also relevant to trying to forge new friendships. Ex: if I want to call a mom-friend there will 50/50 be a baby screaming and conversation is often interrupted. If I want to visit her at home? It has to be around naps but before husband gets home. If I’m going through something (ex: aging parent, health scare) and need support? I might get a few lines of sorry-to-hear-that texts and empty promises to talk soon. I know my “mom friends” are busy and exhausted but the friendship neglect is real, which demotivates me to want to stay in touch, which in turn probably makes them feel more alone. It’s a big shift to go through for everyone, with a lot of understanding and effort needed from both parties. I’m still friends with most of my “mom friends” but in truth I only see them 1-2x/year. As a non-mom I’m not sure if my thoughts and experience around what might help foster new/closer friendships will resonate here, but a few ideas:
1. Proactively call your friends when you can, like when out walking, during long distance mindless driving, maybe early morning “coffee calls” before their workday if that can work for you. If this can’t work, check out the Marco Polo app for video messaging. I use this to stay in touch with long distance/busy friends and it’s amazing.
2. If you’re the photo sharing type, send them photos that are not always baby photos.
3. Let your friends come visit you even if your house is a mess and there are dishes in the sink and you’re embarrassed of it all, we don’t care and just want to see you.
4. Occasionally take time to remember who you are as a whole human and not just as a mom. I think we can all benefit from connecting with who we are outside of family and work.
5. Write hand-written letters to old friends. It’s a social activity that can be done on your own time and can help sustain/revive closeness.
6. Carve out lunches with coworkers and make it a goal to not spend the whole time talking about work nor family. And steer away from lunch being a complaint-fest as so often happens in the workplace.
6. Go easy on yourself when you’re lonely. We’re all lonely sometimes (moms and non-moms).
Thank you so much for your thorough advice. I would say my best friend had a kid at 23 while I had mine 10 years lates. So I had totally different life as her. We also now live in 2 different countries and still keep in touch and talk daily. we did a lot in your list not to lose our connection. We also had one thing in common - we prioritized our friendship. If Baby was crying she will give him to her hubby to hear my breakup story. Anyways, I feel loneliness and being cut off from community worsened since pandemic, which is understandable but still hurts.
When we moved to suburbia I was lonely and worried about not being able to make local friends for the same reason as you. About 6 mos after we moved I joined a newly formed book club for local moms, and have honestly met the greatest friends ever through it! Some of the mothers are SAHM, some work PT, some FT but I am arguably the friend who works the most/has the most demanding career in our group. This means I miss out on some group events, but nobody has ever given me an ounce of shame. In fact they have come to my rescue more then once when I needed last minute childcare. My husband ended up becoming close with their husbands as well. I know the stars don’t always align this way but putting yourself out there with a book club or other mothers group (at night to ensure not all are SAH) is IMO the best way to start!
Such a great idea! Thank you for recommending!!! I will see what’s around me.
It gets easier when they get older. My son is 11 now and I have a good group of friends (SAHM and working), but those early years are tough.
Baby yoga is great. Walking around your neighborhood helps. Music classes are also good.
I’m time you’ll meet your people. Keep in mind now that you get to choose the moms you like. When they get older the kids choose their friends and by default you end up being friends with the other kids mom by default.
Hang in there
Just googled baby yoga near me. Nada. Grr. I guess this is not a cool suburbia lol. I understand, it will come eventually but thought that there are the ways to speed it up. Ladies /neighbors I meet during a walk are nice but I am not exchanging phone numbers with them anytime soon. They are polite but keep to themselves :(
I struggled with this too. We bought our first house 45 mins away from where I grew up and my husband is from out of state. I work for a large commercial bank and always get home late. Our son was always with our nanny going to the library programs etc. He is now 7 and we moved to a larger house in our town. Luckily there are several working moms (who work for similar size companies with similar demands). It also became easier once he started school and began playing sports. You ultimately run into the same people and start building bonds. Hang in there it gets easier.
Thanks. This gives me hope.
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Thank you for the advice. I checked our local club it is mostly small business owners who are at least 20 years older than me… i will try to attend few events to see how it will go.
Volunteer for programs you’re passionate about. Community cleanup, animal shelters, theater or community art centers
Bumble BFF has worked well for me!!