I don’t feel connected to my parents at all. After spending 15 years here, I am unable to connect to their extreme right nationalist views and the extra emphasis on the connection to our roots.

I don’t connect with them on their political or religious views either. But, that doesn’t stop me from caring for them.
Personally, I’m not religious either. But, I consider them higher than God. So, I rather spend on their comfort and happiness than for some religious donations.

M1 - I agree with you. But you cannot always find like minded people when they are either 20 years younger/older to you and their views are tangent to you. What do you do then?
It’s not that they are not able individuals or irrational liabilities. They lived/will live their lives better than what we would have thought. We just have to rise above conflicting issues of co-existence and be better co-inhabitant.

After spending 15 years here you probably have broken off the “roots” your parents are still tied to. Being connected with political views is a different issue.
Bottom line is that even if you don’t connect with their political views they are still your parents and am sure they have sacrificed a lot for you come to states 15 years back, so you should reciprocate and take care of them if you are the only offspring

Here I am, still searching meaning of that connection to roots and why I do not get it. I feel you OP and your disappointment of being bad offspring. And, you’re not. If you’re then I am worst. LOL.
While my better half has strong inclination towards Indian values I feel zilch. And, it has nothing to do with moving to US. I get more irritated when someone talks about great Indian culture when I feel it is sham and over glorified to that point that everything is scientifically proven 🙈

How are you a bad offspring for not supporting abhorrent views? Just means you're more open minded.

No different from the situation of kids here with their Trump supporting parents.

Also...this roots connection stuff is utter BS. Our roots come with a deep connection to casteist ideologies and bigotry of the worst kind.

And what do we mean by roots, is there a magical point in time where we trace our roots to, and no further. I mean we all descended from apes and trace common ancestry to Africa. All this Vedic nonsense doesn’t really do any good as it stops challenging ones thoughts and evolution. Whatever good was intended as part of a philosophical formulation in these texts is pissed over by the fact that today’s Indians look to them to solve all problems.

Everything is a grand conspiracy to malign the Hindu and stop the emergence of India as a superpower. The Muslims, Chinese , Americans, Marxists, Naxals, British, Mughals, Saudis, Pakistanis, Dalits and aliens from another galaxy are all co-conspirators. Please stop drinking this cow piss that is making you inebriated with this nonsense.

I don’t mean to say there are no problems elsewhere in the world. OP’s frustration stems from the fact that our ingrained casteist patriarchy operates at so many levels that it becomes impossible to have an opposing PoV while maintaining a respectable relationship across the the ideological spectrum.
Just having an opposing thought can bring upon hurling of names such as Khangresi/ American and being disloyal and ungrateful. When all else fails, a familiar disappointed outlook emerges that imitates a despondent scene from a 50s B&W movie.

Nuff said... over and out.

First off they are two different things. Connection to the roots is very important , as in my personal opinion that’s a part of who we are. People here are desperate to find traces of other cultures through dna tests and other things. And I’m proud to be part of a unique culture , that contributed to my unique way of thinking. 15 years or a lifetime will not change it

You’re thinking too much on the other part. There is always a generational gap , regardless of the country . United States is going through a similar divisive nationalist/ populist movement. Younger generation here radically differs from their parents on trump and his politics. I mean we had white nationalist rallies , ban on Muslims etc etc. # MAGA stands for isolationist nationalism.

Thanks all for your responses.

D5 - you have expressed my emotions much better than I did.

P1 - to provide additional color - my parents feel everything that Modi sarkar is doing is excellent. Even when they know I am not a fan.

What further annoys me is their thought process that everything India did from ages ago has been mis-represented and how history needs to be re-written. They feel our culture was great. Over time they have become more ritualistic than I remember. All this annoys me.

They would prefer that I eat stuff given by Ramdev for my recently diagnosed epilepsy. I had to very forcefully ask them to back-off.

Sorry for all this ranting but I am very overwhelmed by all this.

Glad to know that I’m not alone. My issues are deep rooted and politics are one part of it. Indians feel very proud in Hindu culture, easily forgetting there are other 3 different religions who are thriving with Hinduism in India. Indian culture is just not about Hinduism and its mystic connection and then degrading other cultures. Anyway, I think I am going off the track. BTW, I’m also Hindu by birth. 😀

Thanks all.. this thread is helping me think through.

I do love them and I am ok with the lack of alignment we have in our thoughts.. what irritates me is the judgment that comes with this misalignment.

IBM1 has said it pretty well, I am frustrated with their condescending way in which they dismiss any views that are not aligned to theirs. I find it disrespectful, which is probably leading to the disconnect.

In my family, it’s hard to have different views without being labeled “badtameez”.

I feel ya. I don’t understand my parents or the other Indians who came from India at all. How did everyone stay so traditional even after this much education and exposure to the world?

I believe it is the risk averse / afraid of change nature of Desi parents that may contribute to their "roots" loving thinking. Keep in mind that they have to live in a community of like minded people which is governed by Desi roots. It is always easy to be conservative (read "risk averse") and swim the flow than against it. Roots is an abstraction of swimming with the flow and no/slow change.

You can either be a son, or be right - your call :).

You dont have to agree with your parents but be connected with them.

I was a 'rebel' until the time I lost them. Calling all reasons and logic from whatever they asked me to do (wear this ring, go to that temple..). Now even after many years after my dad passed away, I curse myself of having lost touch with him when he was alive. I realized the price of proving myself correct was too high. I recall those many times when I slammed the phone because they had asked something based on belief..Now it seems that it was not worth all that fight.😢 On hindsight, I would have rather listened to them and made them happy ...

I am curious if there are others out there who feel the same disconnect or am I being a bad offspring?

My parents don’t have extreme views but they are pretty right/ nationalist and I love them even more after moving to the states (10 years) probably because I am socially liberal but a conservative when it comes to economics and so are my parents. I believe our culture (roots) and the way of living has so much good to offer for our wellbeing and happiness of taken in the right way. For example we would go to a temple everyday and never follow a baba/ spiritual guru. I reach out to my parents and take their advice on so many things in life, it just makes me a wiser person and I can learn so much from their life experiences and I know for fact that they would always want the best for me. I was raised up in Bombay (if it matters). Also, my parents are always willing to listen and understand my points and are open minded to things like “let people do what they want to do if it doesn’t impact you”.

OP - When you say your parents harbor right wing nationalist views, what do you mean? Are they MAGA Repulicans or RSS/Bajrang Dal sympathizers or support ISI? Some additional color would help. And how do you view yourself as a moderate.

You cannot change the older generation. Let’s put it this way. Try to empower the younger one.

OP - Nothing wrong with having different political leanings than your parents. Modi did good marketing to get elected but marketing will take you so far. In India, anti-incumbency is high for national elections. He will face challenges this time around. A rational view to share with your parents would be to use facts to show whether economic progress during his tenure was greater than forecasted, did government built the infrastructure, yada yada. US political elections results are governed a lot by economic progress even though it is a predominantly Christian nation. There are a few exceptions such as Trump. People also have different political leanings in the same household in US and they get by fine. On paper, minorities have equal rights and are protected by law against discrimination to a great but not perfect extent.

One of the reason you left India was to broaden your horizons. May be what you are feeling are US acquired ethos. You can try to present a different view to your parents. No Modi or no Rahul or no Kejriwal is more important than family. Again use facts...no matter how badtameez you may come across as.