I feel like I'm constantly running away from trying for kids by convincing myself I'll be ready after X or Y achievement, but the goals keep getting bigger - this game of procrastination started when I was 27 and I'm 34 now. My biggest fear is losing all the time I know I need to keep growing in my career. I want kids but do I just not have what it takes to actually conceive and raise them?

Haha. Just do it. You are me 5-10 years ago, but I started the procrastination when we got married at 24. :) Go for it. Kids are amazing if you are blessed to have them. You will find a way to balance them while maintaining your career. I had my first at 35. They may actually make your career more rewarding.
- Signed a newish Partner with two toddlers who wouldn’t change things for the world

Yeah I was doing the same, and then I just decided to shut my brain off and go for it. I’m 32 now, been thinking about kids for about 4 years. I bought a subscription for Flo, tracked my period and ovulation window for like 9 months, but used contraception. And then one month during ovulation I just said.. let’s try, nothing will happen anyway. Spoiler alert - it did happen. I freaked out, panicked when I found out, doubted my decision, took me a few months to come to terms with it. Now I’m entering 2nd trimester and I accept I made the right decision, because it’s ok to be terrified and do stuff anyway. Good luck!

After years of delaying and not thinking I was ready for it, I had my first at 37. It has been the biggest blessing (though I still don’t think I’m ready for it 😃)

I don’t have children, but thing I’ve heard over and over and over from my friends and family is there will never be a perfect time so if you want them you might as well have them now. Then you’ll have more time with them in your life. That’s priceless.

If you just don’t want to have kids at all, that’s fine too. I love being childless.

I was the same - for many years, I always thought I’d be “ready” for kids in 3-4 years. And whenever I thought I might be pregnant, it was the most world-ending scary thing.

What I realised in my 30s was that actually, I didn’t want children - I just hadn’t really considered deviating from the standard life script, or realised that not having kids was an option. As my career started to take off, I realised it would be me that was penalised - I’d be the one having time off with no adult company, it would be my career trajectory, my earning potential, my ability to travel for work (or pleasure!) spontaneously that would be affected

It’s completely fine if you do want kids and you can make the choice to do that on whatever timeline you want - however, it is also equally valid to choose to not have kids, and to be the fun aunt with the inspiring lifestyle and career. I have nieces, nephews and close friends with children, and I play an active role in their lives, but choosing not to have them was the best thing.

I am also in a long term relationship, and this was a joint agreement for what we wanted our life to look like - we’ve built a life together that includes high flying career for me, lots of pets, nice house and lots of global travel

I was in the same position but I always kept in the back of my mind of having kids. I had by first child at the age of 33 and do not regret it at all. It could be a bit challenging but it’s all worth it in the end 😁. I wish you the best of luck.

Thanks OP for posting this.. its been constantly on my mind if ill be able to have a “good” career without giving up on being with the kids in their formative years. Some days im just like its okay my partner can support while i focus on our kids, and then instantly im like nooo i cant now choose to be dependent on him (i have a supportive partner of 10years so not that this is a problem for him)
I think it’s mainly about the judgement we face but yeah its nice to hear others talk about how they went through the same journey

Your career will (hopefully, most likely) be decades long and you keep growing at every stage.

If this suits your problem-solving style: Regarding what it takes to conceive and raise kids, for me it helped to concretely list out what I actually need and confirm I have it. For me, that is primarily finances and a supportive partner as a baseline dependency. As long as I have a good partner and enough money, I’ll survive.

I am turning 34 in a month and just started consultation for egg freezing! Haven’t found a partner yet but am hopeful!

Have you even had your fertility checked? You’re one year away from being a high risk geriatric pregnant person.

If you are sure you want kids and have a loving partner you want to have kids with, then don’t wait. The more you wait, the harder it is going to get (unfortunately evolutionary biology hasn’t kept up with societal advances). Having kids is a unique experience. Nothing in the world can ever prepare you for it. If you are waiting to be ready, you won’t ever be. Take a leap of faith and you will be amazed at what you and your body can do.

All the best for your journey…!! ❤️

My children are my greatest accomplishments. The rewards in a career do not compare with the joy of hearing a child’s laughter, watching their every milestone. I look back at my former self, blinded by wanting to “be successful” at work. Work is a treadmill- there is no end that feels like an “arrival” whereas raising the next generation to shares your values to make the world a better place feels like a destination.

If you think you want them at all I wouldn’t put it off. I started wanting to date and find someone at 30 then put my career first then 34, didn’t find anything, took another break til 37, now 39 and still no kids. Successful career but still

If you want kids you have to go for it. I am not at all interested in having/raising them but if you are you should make it a priority. Partner or not.

Just do it! Yes, it’s hard. However, you can manage children like you manage your career - they are just a much longer term project. Hire help - house, organizing, etc. You can’t do it all yourself but you can build a team around you to help.

I do not want to be fatalistic but at 34, that is through the door of potential conception difficulty. Yes, modern science exists but there are true biological stop gaps for women as we age. If you do really want children, there is no “best” time. You will never be ready enough for the reality of it. It’s like a January polar plunge.

Are you sure you do want to have kids? Maybe the reason you haven’t is you don’t really want them but are still feeling the societal pressure to do so. Could you adopt? Foster? Volunteer as a Big Sister or other org that helps kids? Parenthood may not be the answer…and that’s ok. Do you!

Have you considered adoption?

We are adopting (by choice) and i remember thinking “next year when I am promoted..” and then the promotion wouldn’t come and I would start all over again. We finally said F’it and got on the list. Still waiting for a call and I regret all that time I wasted.

Maybe you don’t actually want them? I thought I wanted kids until a pregnancy scare changed my mind. I was relieved I wasn’t pregnant. Then I realized I never wanted one but had felt so much pressure that I convinced myself I did.

I feel you. But I feel like I am just not responsible enough to have a child, like I feel I don’t have the skillset to be mother let alone a good - it’s not about bad habits like I don’t even smoke/drink/ have a grand list of activities I must be involved in…it’s just the dedication and commitment that you cannot reverse. Also feel like I don’t have the right environment to raise a child in. Children are expensive, and with both my hubs and I working we seem to be barely get by in this expensive world, if we have to lower our standard of living from where we are now… we’ll be miserable and miserable parents too- atleast imo. My husband desperately wants kids tho…