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You sound like you care a great deal for important things not a lot of people even care a tiny bit. You're great for trying to work on yourself so much. Give it some time, confidence will grow with experience specially if you're so mindful of your communication.
It's all about structure. Tons of ressources over the internet but here's my approach in general terms:
1. Intro in one line.
2. Main conclusion or major takeaway of the message in short right at the beginning. Do not put the main conclusion or key message at the end.
3. 2-3 points from the major statement; causes, consequences or simply sub-messages of point #2. Find a major title for each. Avoid long paragraphs. Use bullet points for the content of each if needed.
4. Lastly, include short details if they are needed for comprehension. But tell yourself not everyone is going to get to the end. The last piece of information should not be crucial.
Using bullet points and very small phrases helps a lot.
Rising Star
Try putting yourself in the shoes of a person, especially a person who’s busy and won’t read closely, receiving your email. What would you want to see first? What format would be easiest to scan/read? How much information would you be able to take in?
And observe and learn from emails your coworkers send. Don’t worry too much, though, you’ll figure it out over time. You don’t have to use corporate lingo if it doesn’t feel natural.
The feedback sounds like the emails might have been TLDR. Work email isn’t for story time, but a means to ask a question or report on a result. Try not to address a lot of issues at once - one point or topic- three points max with bullets. Anything longer than a few paragraphs should be put into an attached document.
If backstory is necessary, ask for a call or meeting to discuss instead.
The anxiety sounds rooted in you wanting to do a good job. And sometimes that can manifest as over thinking/over communicating. Trust that you are doing great and you will!
Enthusiast
For more context, I just entered the corporate world for the first time and have been feeling a lot of imposter syndrome. I suck at corporate lingo, and have been trying to pick it up.
It’s alright! I have been there when I first joined the firm as a senior.. 2 years in, sometimes I still do it to make sure we are aligned on the messaging.. nothing bad.. just accept the learning curve and plod on
grammarly can help a bit