I just had my 6-month review; it wasn't terrible, but it wasn't great either. My supervisor discussed my struggles with project & time management, but she also wants me to take more initiative and problem solve on my own.

The problem is, I feel like when I have tried to take initiative or do something on my own, she'll scold me for not consulting or asking her first. And she's really particular about how our content is displayed and laid out. I just feel like I'm walking on eggshells now.

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You’re not alone 🫂

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Thank you, it feels isolating, especially as I haven't disclosed my diagnosis at work. I'm not really sure if I should either.

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Everybody's situation is unique, but when I give similar feedback, I'm usually referring to two things:

1) Take initiative to come up with an approach and a timeline (instead of asking me what you should do). Once you have a proposed approach and timeline, bounce it off me to make sure I'm ok with the approach and timeline.

2) Once we're aligned on the approach and timeline, send me regular updates for feedback to prevent rework. Updates should be at least daily or whenever we need to reconsider approach (e.g., received additional data that would cause different results, uncovered new context, realized we hadn't considered a critical factor).

As long as we're aligned on approach and we're marching toward an agreed timeline, I'm hands off. But if I'm not seeing an approach, timeline, or updates, I get hands on.

I don't like work. I want to work as little as possible. If you give me an approach, timeline, and updates, you'll see / hear me a whole lot less.

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lol, where did I say "every detail?"

I work in strategy consulting, so a daily update is usually a simple note that says "feedback incorporated" with the updated deck attached / linked.

As long as the quality is there, I'm not giving very specific direction. If the content doesn't make sense or doesn't meet the objective, or there isn't any progress, then I'll have more prescriptive feedback (e.g., we need 3-5 slides that communicate XYZ).

Once a consultant consistently meets objectives, I stop getting "updates" and I just have "check-ins" where they just keep me in the loop and let me know where they could use my help. Then I'll join important client meetings and that's about it.

My objective is to train consultants to not need my involvement. Depending on where they are in their development, they may need daily coaching or practically none and we're just working together.

This would be SO FRUSTRATING as feedback, it's so vague! My recommendation would be to dig in a bit! "Can you elaborate on a situation where you would have liked to see more initiative and problem solving?" What you are looking for is a specific example of a time you could have shown more initiative/problem solving, and asking for specifics on what that looks like to her.

And honestly, I'd consider showing them your guide that you've built. Because A) it shows initiative and that you are paying attention to the details, and B) by involving her, she will see that standards you are using and can offer guidance on them.

I have a person I am coaching on initiative, and we are having lots of conversations to build the skills, because I think that once they understand their tasks more thoroughly, they could operate with less supervision. And if the problem is that I keep moving the goalposts, or the demands of the business are changing, i need to understand that, too, so I can adjust my expectations and keep my employee operating in clarity.

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Almost exactly my situation!! I really do like my manager, but they are a particular person. They aren’t mean about it yet I know anything somebody does it’ll never be ‘right’ always have to have something changed, big or small. It’s like an impossible standard that you are expected to figure out on your own.

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Yes! I've even created training guides for myself so I can keep track of all the different rules and nuances. Right when I think I have it down, I'll find out that no I really should have done it THIS way instead of THAT way. So then it becomes another entry in the guide. 🤷

Another task I have been assigned has been working on a monthly powerpoint. She is VERY particular about how things line up. I've used the guides on the PowerPoint to ensure things are aligned, but every month, I get told that they are off somehow. I just can't win (not that it's about winning or losing, but it just feels like I'm constantly failing, no matter how hard I try). 😞

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When I have felt like I’m presenting this catch 22 to one of my team members, I talk to them about what I meant when I say both take more initiative but also consult me. Idk if your supervisor means the same thing I do since she didn’t elaborate but what I mean is that I want them to start bringing solutions to the table. Instead of scheduling a meeting with me or messaging me and asking what should I do here? Schedule a meeting or message me and say “I think we should do x. Is that appropriate?”

This is something I’m asking of team members in preparation for taking on more responsibility because ultimately, they’re going to get to a point where they don’t need to ask if that’s appropriate once they’ve built up enough good judgment of their own. While they’re learning though, they get to borrow my professional judgment to build that knowledge base. I don’t need to do the critical thinking part for them though, which is why I ask them to bring a solution to me.

Hopefully that helps and is what she is getting at. You can always ask her explicitly what does me taking initiative and problem solving on my own looks like to you? How in the loop do you want to be? You could ask her generally or ask her more task/project specific if that makes more sense with your work. I generally ask my boss how in the loop he wants to be on a project basis.

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That’s exactly the type of conversation or email I’d expect to have when I’m giving this kind of feedback. It’s not so much grade school math, show your work as it is a complex problem and I need to know where the problem and solution stand to give good next step instructions. I might say check this one more thing, then go to the hardware store, or great you’ve thought through the same possibilities I have, that’s a good solution, go ahead with that. I feel like it helps people learn and have the opportunity to not know with a safety net of someone with more experience to catch something they might not have known.

But another thought I had was that I had minimal issues when I was in high school and on Concerta. When I moved, I was prescribed Vyvanse and I keep upping the dose but still struggling. (I know, meds aren't the sole answer, but it just feels like I've been struggling badly the past few years...) I also did have COVID in 2022, and not sure if that's a major contributing factor?

Is she narcissistic? I k ow what you feel. If it’s like that you can’t fix. Just step away.

No, I don't think she's narcissistic. I think she's just very critical. Which, I know a healthy dose of criticism is necessary for growth and improvement. It's just disheartening when it's constant and I am really and truly trying my best to try to present our content to align with her standards. I'm just getting it wrong, even when I think I have it figured out.

Ask her how often she wants you to consult her on a project/task? Once a day? Once a week? Twice a week? Also ask her if she wants you to consult her before or after you ~start~ working on a project/task.

I had the exact same problem as you at my last job, but I eventually learnt how to be independent while also involving my manager. I would find a solution/take initiative on my own then inform my manager of my idea. If she approves, I commence on putting my idea into action. Then at the end or middle of the week, I would update her of my progress/final draft for approval (depending how big the project/task is).

Example: For social media, I would draft a post first and wait for her approval of the content before I publish it. This way, I take initiative while also involving her.

Working independently was so good for myself esteem and critical thinking. I was honestly shocked at how capable I was the moment my manager stopped micromanaging me. Micromanaging is not good for managers either cus they get burnt out from the extra workload of babysitting you. Then they take their frustration out on you, even though they are the cause of their own frustration. It's such a nonsense ineffective practice and bad for morale.

I think that's a great idea. One of my coworkers had noticed that she was being really harsh with me compared to the rest of the team for little things this morning.

I finally got fed up and wrote an email saying that I had noticed the increased tension and negative critiques since April, and had provided a few recent examples with steps I had taken to address them or suggestions for how I could improve the process.

An example is that we don't have style rules documented for how personnel should be listed on our website. Alphabetical order by last name? Department? No one knows except my manager because it isn't written down, or at least not somewhere that I am aware of.

So now I'm creating a document that has these rules that I know so far based on the feedback and interactions with my supervisor, she is more than welcome to revise if they are incorrect.

No, she didn't ask me to create the resource, but I'm finding I need to create my own training documents and resources because of all the rules and nuances, and I'm tired of playing guessing games with her. I WANT to be a good asset to our team and help each other out, and I'm just tired of her constantly antagonizing me about different things that I missed or didn't get to because I was busy working on something else.

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