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I go out when I want to go out and my wife stays home. I offer to have her come each time with no expectations of me being angry if she says no. We have our time together but we are also spicy brained so it works for us. Communication and no expectations works for us!
This. My spouse and I talk about the things we want to do and I do things that they want and they do things I want to do and sometimes we stay home while the other goes out. Balance and compromise.
Get the book, ‘Love Languages’ - it explains the different ways ppl express their love.
My wife and I have been married for more years than most of you have been alive. We started our life together promising that I would spoil her and she would spoil me. Neither of us makes demands on the other, but neither of us ignores the other. I know what she likes to do and she knows how I prefer to spend my downtime. If one, or both, of us lags in the spoiling department, there will be a brief conversation that it seems the "spoiling scale" has gotten a little off-balance. We recalibrate and go from there. If the wife says "You never take me dancing any more," that will most likely lead to "I'm on my feet all day. I just want to sit, drink a beer, and watch old reruns." It escalates from there. Be aware of each other and don't wait for the other party to tell you what they want. You should know what they want and want to give them what they want.
This has been on my mind a lot lately because my husband and I also have different ideas about what quality time is and it hurts his feelings that I dont feel like sitting next to each other watching TV is necessarily quality time. I feel like I need conversation, eye contact, and full attention in order to get my quality time needs met, and he is more content to do something side by side. It's not about going out or staying in for us, it's just about the kinds of activities we're doing
Plan activities that involve both of your preferences - plan a night out, then the next time plan a night in. Or maybe your spouse would prefer nights in with some sort of activity, like a game night?
My husband and I have been married 22 years and a couple for 27 years. I have found that for us, seeing a couples counselor is the best way to walk through these situations. I realized every time this kind of situation bubbles up, it is actually a communication issue. One or both of us has changed the way we communicate, and we haven't caught up to the other. Going to a couples/marriage counselor allows us to get back on the same page, relearn how to communicate and reconnect. Our marriage has become stronger every single time.