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Chief
Given the info provided, I don't think being a POC has anything to do with it, some people just don't like small talk or doing anything but focusing on work.
Chief
I’m a POC myself. I honestly hate when people use race as an excuse for everything. Are you the only POC in this company or location? If not, I’m sorry but that sounds like an easy bandaid fix to other reasons why people aren’t interested in small talk with you
Maybe try to shift when you’re trying to engage with coworkers? I’d rather not make small talk while I’m trying to get something done.
If you chat with people while they’re away from their desk and less busy (e.g. grabbing lunch/coffee or joining an ongoing conversation in the kitchen, rather than trying to grab someone who’s either working or trying to get back to their desk to work), you might have more success.
Great advice! Thank you!
Lots of
Folks are out of the habit of engaging in small talk at work. I wouldn’t assume it’s personal. That being said if you have tried repeatedly I would back off and just be cordial. Seek socialization outside of work - organizations, hobbies, and volunteer work.
Chief
Do you have friends in the area outside the office? I would focus on that. Sometimes coworkers are cliquey
I know exactly what you mean 😂
I would say hello/goodbye, but I wouldn’t worry myself too much beyond that. If you’re feeling lonely, be sure to connect with family and friends weekly, if that’s a possibility. Also, watching funny things before bed is one way to keep yourself upbeat. Not everyone is friendly.
Just be yourself. Don’t try too hard to earn someone’s interest. Work or that matter any friendship happens naturally.
It’s like getting on a train which already had passengers. They kinda know each other, it will take some time for them to know you. But in the end, no one really is there to make friends , just trying to get to a destination. If it happens, it is a bonus. Point being, don’t be upset if they don’t seem to reciprocate. Give it time, you will find your work spouse
I personally don't like small talk that much but especially when I'm trying to work. However, being dismissive or not inviting you to lunch while everyone else was invited speaks to a different issue.
Limit your interactions with them to simple greetings and work related discussion ONLY if necessary. If people show you they don't want/like you, don't fight for their acceptance, you'd only lose respect. Rather mind your business and do your work and you might find them coming by. If they don't that's fine!
Regarding your loneliness, leverage people outside of work as it may take some time to build friendships at work. I personally do not like work friendships at all. My coworkers are just that, then my friends are outside of work. But sometimes you get that 1 or 2 people you might end up clicking with at work and they become great friends.
But for now, focus on yourself and engage with your friends and community outside of work.
Thank you
People have different levels of chattiness, but not inviting the new person to lunch reflects very poorly on them. Regardless if race has anything to do with it. Not sure you can do much about it other than what you are doing. Try to find those open to connecting and focus your time there.
Thank you that is my goal. Thanks for your insight!
I have built really nice relationships with the maintenance and operational support people who work at the office. You may find them easier to engage in small talk with them. For me it’s now my favorite part of going to the office
I decided to just be pleasant when I am spoken too (no good mornings and no goodbyes) and focus on my work and go home. Thanks for all the advice y’all.
I do not like engaging in small talk and I know plenty of others don’t either. I wouldn’t take it personal
I don't like engaging in small talk as well.
However, being new and trying to insert yourself in a work situation, that's where it has to be begin.
But thanks for your input
A lot of great advice so far...
I would add that maybe your small talk isn't what they want to talk about?
To build rapport its generally best to let others talk about themselves. Ask them questions you know they'll want to talk about ala Dale Carnegie. Also doing this at the opportune times is key, meaning not while they're busy (as mentioned earlier).
Give them a chance to talk about themselves, one on one and listen actively. You'll have rapport in no time.
Best of luck, some people can be very guarded at work, I'm typically one of them but the above approach has worked on me and for me.