Ladies - my boyfriend of 9 months talked. He wants to wait a year before moving in and 2 years after living together wants to think of marriage or getting engaged. I am 28th right now. I would like to be married before I am 30. Our timelines don't seem to match. What should I do? And is his timeline completely normal? This July we completed a year of knowing each other. We had taken a break for 3 months so the 9-month relationship. Additionally due to our jobs we have to do long distance

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I would really advise you not to aim to get married by a certain age, but get married when you find the right partner, and it doesn’t seem like this person is. I don’t understand why someone would need so much time, but he should find someone with a similar mindset about timelines and you should find someone who’s sure about you, whether that happens before you turn 30 or not.

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^This

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After 9 months, I’d argue most people know whether or not they could see themselves marrying their partner. Forget the turning 30 thing - what’s more concerning to me is that he broke up with you once already, and he would need 2 years of living together to “be sure” he wants to be with you long-term. There are men who are ready to propose after 1-2 months of dating… when they know, they know. I personally don’t think he is showing you that he thinks you are the one for him. I wouldn’t personally wait around for him.

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Agreed with EY2.
In your late 20s, 9 months is long enough to know if this is a long term thing or not.
Also who the heck has 3 yrs to waste in late 20s just figuring out if someone is the one. 3 yrs to figure out? What mundane relationships are these

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Cont. He is aware about it and is not sure how the relationship will survive

In this case kinda sounds like he is deliberately setting his timeline outside of your timeline to take you down a peg or wear u down. Red flag. Also ppl move in together cuz they love and support each other and hate coming home to not their partner. Setting expectations is one thing but this just sounds like he is not into it and giving u a reason to break up with him. Put him out of his misery.

The real question is why do you want to get married before 30? My fiance and I have been together for 5 years and engaged a year next month with wedding in May. We have lived together for 3 years total. I don’t think his timeline is bad at all as he is making sure he is ready for the next step. I think rushing into things is never a good idea. Ultimately if you feel that getting married before 30 is more important than fostering a serious and healthy relationship, then he is not the man for you.

Why are we even talking marriage? It’s 2024!

I mean my husband and I dated 7 years before getting engaged…..I could never make a commitment to marriage after only knowing someone a year personally. We lived together 3.5 years before getting engaged as well. Granted I was 22 when we met and we both changed a lot in our 20s. And we got married 6 months after getting engaged so that part moved quick ha. Been married 3 years now. I’m all for taking time to truly ensure you all are compatible. Most people I know who rush a relationship don’t end up lasting. Sometimes you know right away they’re the one, but for many people, it takes time to truly know someone. I would never recommend rushing to marriage to hit a “deadline”. I mean I wanted to be married by 26 and have 1-2 kids by 30. Looking back, absolutely not so glad we waited ha

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