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I have five. It’s will be as bad as you think, but better than you can imagine.
Don’t do it. Enjoy your freedom, be an uncle, if you want kids in your vicinity
Friends’ kids
For each kid you don't have, you miss out on an entire universe.
D3, honestly, you aren’t wrong for majority of the cases. And before you call me incel or immature, I am a woman with 3 kids. So, having been on this side of the fence, I am counting the days till the last one goes off to college, which will cost me a house. Three houses to be exact once everything is said and done. It’s a hell of a lot better to regret the kid you did not have than have a kid and regret it.
You could adopt, older kids need homes too.
Thank you. I’d thought about this too. But I feel I won’t be fully committed to spending energy if it weren’t my own kid. This makes be sound mean :( I feel I’d rather be child free rather than raising kids not my own. I’m sorry I’m unable to convey more clearly what I wanna say. Hope you got it.
1. In my early 40s now, with two kids I had at 28 and 31. I often reflect on how the advantage of youth got us through those baby/toddler years. If you can still grind, you got this, but it would depend on how you're aging.
2. Having children is the joy of my life. I have 7 more years until empty nest. Mature parents say I'll be ready for them to leave when the time comes, but I'm having a hard time imagining a fulfilling life without them day to day. I don't mean going to all their activities and stuff like that. I mean, having "your people" close and part of your daily routines and rituals.
Dear Sir/Mam, this is exactly how I feel and what I yearn for. The “your people” “your daily rituals and routines” aptly describes how I feel. Thanks for your inputs
So much to unpack here. Biologically you can father kids till you are in your 60s or later (e.g., Letterman, Larry King, De Niro, Al Pacino, etc.) But the big questions are -
1. Do you really want to and will you have the energy when you are in your 40s to chase a toddler or drive them to soccer, basketball, swimming practice, etc.?
2. With aging the risk factors during conception increase exponentially so there has to be significant age gap between you and your spouse /partner and /or you have to go through extensive genetic counseling to mitigate these risks. Or you could try surrogacy too?
3. It also takes longer to conceive as sperm quality goes down for men with age. But then IVF could be an option?
4. If your partner and you are not on the same page maybe try couples counseling?
5. If you both mutually decide not to have kids then Maybe don’t invest in illiquid assets but in experiences?
6. You could always leave your assets to close siblings and /or nephews nieces who support you when you are older. Or leave some for a charitable organization you support?
Late 40s M here with kids in HS. I have friends whose kids are in or have finished undergrad and others whose kids are still in elementary so it’s a wide spectrum.
All valid points sir. Have considered all of it. If it’s not my baby I’m not sure I’d be willing to put in the efforts or the sacrifices.
4) taking help from relatives. Will go for a professional if that doesn’t work.
5) Totally right. If we’re not gonna have kids then it’ll be only experiences.
6) don’t have any nephews nieces or siblings from both sides. I’d rather blow up our savings and do stuff than give it to our relatives. Not good people lol. Will leave the rest to charitable organisations. Not too fond of it as well as I’ve donated a big chunk earlier and it passes through multiple hands and only a tiny portion of it ends up serving the purpose.
Your inputs were very helpful. Thanks for taking out the time to help me out. Cheers sir!
My husband was 35 when we had our first. The sleep deprivation is rough but eased up after the newborn phase was over. We both lost most of our “me time,” and only have a couple hours a week for hobbies, etc. But there are new fun things to do and as kiddo gets bigger they can participate too - example, my husband is a cyclist and had to put that on hold for a while, but now my toddler is big enough to ride behind him in a little wagon thing so he can bike again. I like that I’m financially secure too, that opens up a lot of opportunities for my daughter that I wouldn’t have been able to offer 10 years ago.
I had a child when I turnd 40. Not going to lie I definitely had less energy than when I was younger but it was still great. I was able to enjoy my younger years and now we are enjoying being in our late 50's with a child free home. I wouldn't change a thing.
My husbands friends all had their kids in their early/mid 30s. We didn’t have ours until he was 38 and 39 respectively (I’m a good bit younger so we weren’t there yet when his friends started).
Biggest thing I’ve noticed is energy levels (you are waaaaay more tired the older you get)… but he is a better dad at 41 then most of his friends and my friends are in their 30s, so it really just depends on you and your intentions. He is super hands on and playful but we’re both exhausted by the end of the night.
One pro about being an older dad is that he’s very set in his career now and no longer needs to “grind”, so he has more flexibility at work and we don’t have to worry about money really.
The hardest part honestly is just mismatched life cycles with his friends. While we’re still doing diapers and nap times and difficult bed times, with no alone time or date nights - they’ve all got kids in school that are going to weekly sleepovers - and so they have time to workout, golf, have weekly date nights, hangout with friends etc. We’re usually able to stop by for an hour or two, but we can’t hang out all night and drink because we’re just in a different stage with our kids. Their kids are also older so play dates aren’t really a thing - so we end up hanging out more with my friends who have kids that are a similar age.
So mostly just ask yourself, are you ready you put aside all of your friendships, hobbies, and personal time for at least 5+ years? The toddler years are so hard, but the little sleepy hug each night as they drift off makes it all worth it. They are hilarious too, and honestly think we’d be bored without them?
When you are aged you cannot have good refreshing memories to spend with your spouse, it’s only the the kids who will make your life enjoyable with fresh joyful memories. Am pretty sure love between couples fades away sometime but it’s the kids who will keep bond strong between you with fresh memories giggles and all which you can enjoy and have a depression free life. Raising baby to toddler will be difficult I understand but this couple of years sleepless nights sacrifice is worth of whole life years ahead until you die.
Night nurse anyone?
Change GF
It’s hard but still worth it!!