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If it was him in your shoes, would he have asked? If no, then you obviously did the right thing :))
Can you just inform him as well?
Do not listen to anyone's advice , please solve these issues between husband and wife sitting inside a room.
Public opinion might support your argument, but eventually it would lead to major fights in future.
And since you both are financially independent, it can lead to the cause of your separations with your husband.
Please sit with him, discuss things, maybe you cannot spend a huge amount but definitely he should understand your points as well.
Do not take public opinion 🙏
Still, I will advise her to solve these issues by sitting next to him rather than getting public opinion.
There are times when people do get frustrated with other works, and they shout somewhere on different things.
The level of approach should be:
1. Husband and wife : life is long and both need to respect their opinions.
If you don't get any solutions, then
2. Husband's mother/father and wife (ghar ki bahu)
They would have some great advice based on their experience.
Then
3. They both have their families, since both families have some understanding and they have fixed their marriage to spend their whole life together.
They can advise both with some great points.
Public opinion is nothing just another frustrated log or maybe different people with different perspectives to look at life , who has nothing to do with their marriage as well as their life,
If any mishap would happen, no one can suffer only they and their families would have to pay a price for that.
Hence, it should be a family matter at last. Thank
Sorry you have to experience this, but neither one of us “asks” when spending on our families
I can’t believe you have to take your husband’s permission for spending money on your family. It must be very tough for you to deal with. But I think he has to realise that your family is equally important and he shouldn’t be the one controlling your decisions. After all you are also an earning member and you should choose what makes you happy. Also, at the same time try to make him understand what you are feeling about this treatment.
I mean my parents place...its really frustrating
Next time, tell him you are planning to buy things for yourself and then just give it to whoever you want to.
Simply to answer your question: No, you should never ask for permission since it's your money. Although you should discuss it since he might have suggestions but you arent bound to comply.
Also, you are free to spend only if your expenses are not impacting any of your regular financial help towards your home.
Married man here. Your husband's threat is completely WRONG.
Regarding finances--- a couple should have complete financial transparency and should set certain financial goals and ground rules.
How I would do it---
Scenario 1: its great you want to gift your sister. Given our current expenses, if we save $X per month more, we can manage
Scenario2 : financial situation is tight, lets gift 40k now and 80k on first anniversary.
What are you doing in Women's group?
he's saying correct, it's true that she's your sister but after marriage things get changed
Your husband is selfish . You don’t spend money on your parents/family because you will get it back one day. You spend because you love them. Your husband argument is selfish af and don’t you dare let anyone tell how to spend your money. Don’t let him control you sis this is absurd
More power to you girl.. be strong, get over this situation and resolve with your partner. Also make sure you have resolved this topic as what you are intending to do is 100% right.
I face similar arguments as well, can totally understand your situation
I spent 1lakh on my sister's wedding two years back. And my husband supported. I think instead of going against him, you should make your point in front of him that why your siblings are important to you just like his family members are important for him... Things change after marriage I know but you are not supposed to not do anything for your parents and siblings. You must. This is not splurging. This is actually giving back to your parents. Also one additional advice, don't give worthless gifts. FD Kara do or invest in digital gold, ETF etc. on your sister's name.
What is this stupid statement, 'things change after marriage??' it's not like the woman is taking money from the husband and giving it to her siblings, it is her own money. Does he do your office work, that he also has share in it, so he can tell you how to spend it? Just put your foot down and do exactly as your heart pleases. Ladies, your money is your own and nobody else's. Nobody should demand rights over your money. Whoever you want to give it to - it can be your in laws, husband, parents, siblings - it is your decision to spend. Don't get forced into it. Just say no calmly.
Marriage may change priorities but that does not give anyone the right to command control over your hard earned money.
You should split your monthly expenses and keep in one bank account.
Eg. 30K from both husband and wife in 1 bank acc for all monthly expenses. Both should have access to this bank account.
Apart from this whatever is in your personal account you should be free to spend it anyway you want.
Looks like you have married a big time red flag.
Please do as you like. That's the tragedy we're all in and trying to resolve.
It's your hard earned money and your parents/siblings are your responsibility as well. It is okay to discuss the spend as you might need to see other things as well...but permission is a stupidity and is like putting yourself under them.
Act like grownups and most importantly A STRONG WOMAN!
My husband does not even allow me to spend money on my own stuffs and I can't even give anything to my parent's and siblings..he Nd his mom both are taking my money , i am earining 18 lpa..
Try to tell this to one of his friends, maybe he understands when a friend explains?
There’s nothing wrong in spending on sibling. If he wishes to do something for his siblings and parents; you too have a right on it.
Try getting an understanding is it the amount that he’s not agreeable or is it something else.
He should also understand while you’ll got married and everything came to his house; it was your side of the family/relatives/friends that spent/gave you but it’s come to his house 🙂
Nothing wrong in gifting 1 lac to your siblings in her marriage if you are happy and doing by choice. It depends on understanding with your husband...
What nonsense it this. Are you stopping him to spend money on his parents/siblings. I spent more 12 lacs on my sister's wedding and my husband was extremely supportive of it.
Not at all.. He never asked any permission from me before spending money on his parents and I never said no to him for anything... Just because I have siblings and wanted to give 1 lakh rupees to each of them as their wedding gift... He is not ready to spend... My husband wants me to obey him and if I don't I should stay at my parents place... I am just fighting with him and his family for my point of view... Not gonna give up because I will end up doing it life long, if I don't take stand for myself
Do what your heart says! Its your hard earned money and should ultimately be your decision!
If you’re earning that kind of money you’re obviously smart enough to know how to spend it
He would’ve done the same thing for his sister/brother and he is stopping you. Go ahead and do whatever you want with your money.
Communication is key, and it also depends on how you manage your finances as a couple. Having said that, don't you think you'd be happy to take care of his side of the family (his parents, etc) and isn't it only fair for you to expect him to reciprocate that care and concern to your side of the family. Yes financial matters need to be discussed first with your partner, like you can't splurge a big amount when in a financial crisis yourself, but I think you should communicate your opinion properly, and if he's indifferent even then, you gotta do what you gotta do. Definitely remember that your family is the one who raised you to be you, not your husband, and you will and must have that loyalty towards your family.