Mother’s Day. I live near MIL and we have her only grandchildren (1 and 3 yo). She actually has a lot of distance and boundaries with us but we get together when we can and she helps in her own ways. If we don’t do Mother’s Day together and instead send flowers and a card is that ok? Her daughter also lives nearby and they could do something together instead but im sure it would be nice for everyone else if we hosted them and a nice family thing all together.

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Can you find an in-between alternative? Like maybe have brunch at a restaurant or something? I would avoid hosting since that means cleaning and cooking

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Maybe in the future. The toddlers sit still at a table for a whole 5 mins.

Can you do a big family thing on Saturday and then have Sunday (actual MD) just for yourself?

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I guess I would just be exhausted by Sunday which is supposed to be my day. Cooking, cleaning and hosting is exhausting on top of generally managing 2 toddlers.

I’m battling leaning into it and sucking it up to doing what’s best for the family like our culture pushes vs owing nobody nothing since I’m the only mother with actual children.

My mom and mil both live nearby and are widows. Every few years my husband will plan a brunch for all of us. Other years we each do something with our own mom on Saturday and then something special for just me on Sunday. Last year we did something with MIL on Saturday, stuff for just me Sunday morning, and had my mom over for dinner Sunday evening.

Bottom line: you decide. You are the active duty mom of toddlers in the trenches right now — decide how you want to spend your day or weekend. You can all do something nice for MIL on the Saturday or the following weekend. Or just send flowers. Or better yet — set your boundaries (like just celebrating you on the actual day, but Saturday is free or not free or whatever) and your husband can figure out the rest since it is his mom.

helpful

We only had one kid the year we split the Saturday and I took her with me to my mom’s. We framed it as a special mother/son date for MIL …I’m not sure what I would do now with two kids. I would probably have the older one go with my husband and take the younger one with me. Or since your MIL is nearby and the other moms are from out of town, I might keep the kids since you could schedule a separate play date with MIL on a different weekend.

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I think it’s 100% fine to just send flowers and a card.
My in laws (husband’s dad and stepmom since he was 11) wanted to hang out with us on my first mother’s day as a mom and my husband shot it down without giving it a second thought (or even running it by me first), but neither of us grew up seeing our grandmas on Mother’s Day so it feels normal to me for it to be smaller / more intimate.
Don’t feel guilty about making the day something you feel good with. There are other thoughtful things you can do too without going out of your comfort zone too — a nice framed picture, a hand-drawn card from the 3 year old.

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Girl dont put this burden on yourself. It’s your husband’s mother, tell him to figure it out lol 🩷

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Honestly? If she has distance and boundaries and you guys aren't super close - I'd say some flowers and maybe a thoughtful gift is more than plenty.
If you want to do something nice, then go ahead! But from the sounds of it you aren't super close. Since it's MIL honestly I would ask your husband's opinion!

May be an unpopular opinion but I dont go out of the way to see my MIL for mother's day. We are not close. I encourage my husband to go but I focus on time with the kids and my own mother.

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