My bf & I will be moving in together for the 1st time after dating for 5 years. He hasn’t been any help through the whole searching, budgeting process & tbh I feel alone. I’m exhausted, stressed & feel like I’m drowning. I’ve voiced my concerns over being the only one involved but his excuse is that he’s stressed. When I call him about a new listing etc he seems annoyed & disinterested. I will also be paying for more since I make more but due to his salary most apts in said budget (cont)

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Tell him you understand he's stressed and so are you. You'll be happy to continue the apartment search when he's ready to do it with you.

This should definitely be something you do together. If he's not ready for that, and you're in a time crunch, get your own place and tell him you can revisit after your lease ends. It's one of those things where you need to be straightforward. You don't want to move in together already feeling drained and not excited.

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Ily cuz my brain wanted to scream dump him. You’re patient and assertive

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DO NOT MOVE IN WITH SOMEONE YOU ARE NOT MARRIED TO!!!!

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I didn’t live with my husband before marriage and am glad we didn’t. We spent the first year or two learning about each other as newlyweds should do but we had the lifelong commitment there. If you’re committed to someone, you make it work - regardless of how they do chores. Everyone has quirks and annoying traits. Why do you need to live together to assess if these are tolerable? If they’re intolerable, don’t be with them. Why buy the cow if you get the milk for free? I know a lot of couples that lived w their SOs and broke up with them after years together. Lots of investment, money lost, broken leases, shared pets/ custody issues, and bitter feelings after. Live with the person you’re determined to marry.

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This sounds like a bigger relationship problem, so maybe you want to rethink moving in together.

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This is a sign of more things to come. Don’t move in with him now. I’m not going to say dump him just yet, but if he can’t help you find a suitable place to stay or find himself a job with a higher salary so that he can step up a bit, you will continue picking up the slack moving forward.

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OP - so what's the update? ☺️

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OP please don’t do this. Been there, done that. Won’t EVER do it again. If your bf won’t show up and be a part of the process to understand it, he will definitely fall short in other areas when you move in together. It seldom gets better after moving in. He will always think you know what to do all the time and you got it! While that’s not necessarily a bad thing, because it shows your level of commitment and how well you do things. He should also be as invested as you are in everything you both do even if hes not contributing monetarily (due to his salary being lower than yours)

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Find a new boyfriend...

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I actually totally believe in living with someone before you marry them (if renting) for exactly this reason. No matter how many sleepovers you have had, living together is extremely different and brings up dynamics that you need to know you can handle with each other before marriage. That said, if this is happening before you’ve even moved in together I would really consider moving on (even though I know that’s hard after 5 years) this will only continue after you move in together anytime you have to talk about finances, getting something fixed, etc. etc.

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Different POV:

I moved in with my Boyfriend after being together only half a year. We have now been together for 4 years. We did apartment hunting together the first time, but when we moved to a new one (2 years ago) I did all the heavy lifting. I mean I looked at all the apartments online, had to drag him with me to visit them, and finally picked one out (he said they were all fine) that I felt worked for both of us. Looking back on it, I can tell I cared a lot more about the apartment than he did. I wanted the perfect apartment, he probably would have been fine living in a basement.

I think the situation is similar on your end. He doesn't care about the apartment. Why? Who knows. Maybe he doesn't want to move in with you, maybe he just doesn't care where. You'll have to ask him.

The real question here is what do you do? You can just do it all yourself. I was fine with that, but people are different, you clearly want more input from him. Then you have to make it clear. Give him a chance. And then he can decide whether he cares about you enough to make an effort, and then you can decide whether what he did is enough for you.

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If you want to be married to this person, don’t move in now after dating for five years.

Hold out for the ring or find a different boyfriend. Unless marriage is not what you desire and that is also completely valid and fantastic 

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This is not for everyone.

This BOY does not know your worth honey!!! Don’t stay in any sort of relationship where you don’t feel valued!!! If you’re writing this post you’ve already got enough hesitation to warrant a serious convo about this situation. :)

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Don’t move in

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You are dating a man child that wants a mother instead of a significant other. If you sign that new lease I can guarantee he’s not going to look at a single bill and pass it off telling you he’s “paying his part.”

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The only moving you should do is ON to your own place. Dump this clown.

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If this is a problem now, then it’s going to be a problem later. Don’t move in with this guy who thinks his time is more important than yours. Red flag

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🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

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All signs don’t look good. But it’s hard to know if he is just overwhelmed, or just wants you to be happy and doesn’t care about apt. Look at the rest of his actions and decide. Not good that he put you in situation and left you to figure it all out. Now that you’re there, make sure you get a place you want and can afford on your own, then see how you feel and whether he’s someone you can count on.

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Sounds like you need to get out sis

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Alternative: Find a new boyfriend?

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Never had a joint account. Works perfect

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RUN

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❄️🦶

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