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Let him be an adult and make his own bad decisions 🤷🏻♀️
It’s not “making a point” or “teaching a lesson” - it’s more staying in your lane. OP has offered his advice (sounds like more than once) but it’s not been followed. Continuing to have the same conversation is going to make their relationship worse and could cause resentment (from both parties).
Can I ask why you are so involved?
Because we’re very close and he asks me for advice/ my opinion. Then he gets upset when it’s an opinion that differs. I think being unemployed is getting to him but I can’t really help him if it seems like he doesn’t want to help himself
You need to let him own his life. I get where you’re coming from, but take the personal feelings out of it. If it were anyone else would you be agonizing over this? Probably not. So, wait for him to ask for your advice, decide in the moment if you want to give any, if not say, “yeah I don’t know, sounds like you got some thinking to do.” If you do want to offer advice , give it in a way that displays what you would do and not what he has to do. So don’t say, “you must/need to/should/have____”. Frame it as, “if it were me,” Or “I had to do something once like that.” It will make it less finger pointing.
I don’t really offer advice or my opinion unless he asks, which he does frequently and I phrase it like “if I were you I would...”. But I think I just need to flip it back to him like you said. Every time I tell him what I’d do, he says “nah I wouldn’t do that. That makes no sense”. Which kind of gets me irritated but I always play it cool and just say “well yeah you have to do what you think is best”
Jeez all these people telling you not to help him out. These days it’s all about the “if it doesn’t have to do with me then it doesn’t matter” mentality... There’s nothing wrong with looking for advice on how to be a better friend to someone you care about.
To answer your question, I’m going to go against the grain and say maybe he’s right. We shouldn’t sell ourselves short. When I was jobless for 6 months their were countless people telling me to take the first role I could find. If I had done that, I would never have landed at PwC and quite literally 10X’d my career. I was so desperate for work I interviewed for a funeral home service salesman position. Can you imagine if I had sold myself short just for the “job in hand is worth xxxx” principle? To your cousin I wish him good luck and to keep shooting for the goddamn stars.
Fair but I disagree. The crux here was this person asks for advice and then doesn’t take it, or gets upset when it doesn’t support their beliefs. The author doesn’t owe this person anything. Also, no one is saying a person cannot keep trying to get a different job. This person is holding out, excessively, for their perfect roll. Eventually people need to accept reality, which means possibly being under-employed rather than unemployed.
Ooof I just came here to empathize with cousins and being frustrated with them. My cousin is at community college, has a well below average IQ and “wants to be an investment banker.”
Maybe the sales roles had non competes. Some of my friends that work in logistic sales literally have 6-12 month long non competes so they can’t take a job and then jump to something unless it’s in a diff industry
Ahh gotcha. Not sure then but only so much you can do to help someone
He also says he spoke to his friend who said it doesn’t make sense to take the job. I’m really tired of talking to him especially if he gets short tempered when he asks for my opinion and I tell him something is better than nothing, especially when he’s a year out of a job. He also finds other people to justify his decisions like his friends. I really hold back but perhaps I should just let him be and just not talk to him about it anymore?
Chief
Back off then. Ask him if he wants advice, or if he just wants someone to listen.
It's not your problem; all you can do is be there and provide your insights when needed. Sometimes a bad job is genuinely worse than no job, especially if it is as sketchy as these ones sound.
If it's the kind of relationship you're describing, it seems like your frustation is stemming from the fact that your friend heeds your advice in other areas and you're wondering "so why not on this?" Something I had to learn is that sometimes a friend may ask for advice not because they plan on taking it, but simply to get another perspective. Don't take it personally - obviously, if they always ignore your advice on everything despite seeking it, feel free to just decline giving it.
I think it speaks volumes that you're taking time out of your Thanksgiving to care about your cousin's dilemma. Try not to let this bug you too much OP.
Your cousin needs to learn from his mistakes. No other way in this case; some folks have to find their own way.
Listen intently, give him a safe space to vent but don’t give advice. He clearly doesn’t want it. If it irks you to listen - focus conversation on other things.
Lay out the pros and cons of each option, let him choose
How has he supported himself to date?