Related Posts
Bowl Leader
More Posts
Bowl Leader
Conversation Starter
Conversation Starter
Visual Storyteller
What will be the inhand salary at tcs on 10 lpa
Additional Posts in Mental Health in Advertising
I’m sick of living in NYC but can’t go anywhere.
Bowl Leader
Bowl Leader
New to Fishbowl?
Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Conversation Starter
You are in a hell of a difficult spot. And you probably might be thinking: “if this marriage fails, this will prove my parents right and I would loose everything including their trust.” Tell you what: as human beings we have the fundamental right to pursue our happiness, even if we make mistakes in the process .
If you believe with all your heart that your partner is the ideal person to build a life with, then move forward and don’t look back.
I myself tried to please my parents all my life and now that they are gone I’m basically dealing with the emptiness of having made decisions that were meant to make other people happy, but myself.
Your parents aren't marrying your partner.
That’s bananas. Your ex’s mom sounds like a terrible person. Sorry you went through that.
As for the current situation: Can I ask are you Christian or Jewish and your partner is Muslim, or vice versa?
How old are you? Sounds like you need to move out of home? I can’t for the life of me come up with any other reason that parents would be all up in your business like this.
I’m 28 years old and my mother still thinks I care about her opinions on my life. I haven’t lived at home full time in 10 years. She’s a control freak and a master manipulator. She absolutely needs help because she literally can’t not tell people how she feels. It made my early 20’s a living nightmare. So it’s very real for parents to be all in your business even if you’re not under their roof. And it took a lot of practice and heartache for me to realize I had to revoke some access to me and my life in order to settle down her incessant attempts to control me.
Gosh I'm so sorry you are in this predicament. No advice just a hug your way.
I’m sorry this is happening, this should be such an exciting moment for you and it’s unfortunate they can’t see past religion.
I can understand to a certain extent some level of culture shock and adjustment. But.
They threatened you physically? Is that what you mean by “end up in the hospital”?
If so, you should consider putting some distance between you, your partner, and your parents. That’s an unacceptable reaction to put religion over your physical safety.
I have a friend who was in a similar situation, but they were in their 30s and her partner converted to her religion. She and her family are Palestinian, so I do understand the cultural deal breaker. Is there an option for your partner to convert to your religion?
Your parents are supposed to "do so much for you." They are your parents. But any parent should raise their children to eventually be mature, responsible adults capable of making their own life choices. The bottom line is that your parents will not be with you forever, but any potential life partner you choose is there for the second half of your life. Your life going forward belongs to you and you alone. The person you spend that life with gets to share it. If your parents are determined by their pettiness to not support you in this then it is time to acknowledge that they are your past and your partner is your future.
I will add that it not your responsibility to have children if you do not want them, but if that is in your future plans it is worthwhile to make it clear to your parents that they will be missing out on having any future life with their grandchildren if they pursue this course.
For what it is worth, I am a child of a mixed religious background. My parents have been married over 50 years and I lost nothing and gained so much growing up in a mixed family.
My parents didn't agree with mine as well, but it isn't as contrasting as Muslim vs Christian.
Wife is Buddist, I'm Christian. Still caused some friction and parents are ALWAYS talking about God as their topic of choice whenever we meet up. It is annoying this is all they can talk about.
Only after marriage did they start to talk about other things.
All I can say is what others have already said: this is your marriage, marry who makes you happy. We don't live to please our parents. Pull them aside and have a frank chat with them.
Religion can be important in later stages of your life together. When things get tough (and every marriage has tough times), it can offer that “North star”. Do you both have a plan for common values or a common sense of truth?
Parents may be reacting partly out of personal dismay and disappointment, and partly because they are thinking about the challenges that are likely to come up down the road in a mixed religion marriage.
Your situation sounds complex, and I recommend talking to a therapist who can help you personally cope and make sense of this situation. I did that before marrying my partner (14 years and counting).
I also want to encourage you and your partner to seek pre-marriage counseling or informal advice from older/wiser people you respect.
Sometimes giving your parents more time can help. If you can help them feel your love and respect towards them, maybe they will feel less defensive. It actually sounds like they feel heartbroken. Sometimes dismay and sadness come out as anger.
Wishing you all the very best. I hope you can keep and nurture both of these important relationships.
So sorry you’re going through this. I’ve experienced similar situations (though likely not as drastic) and I’ve had to distance myself from my parents cause guess what? They’re not marrying your partner, YOU are. If they treat you with respect, love you unconditionally and you’re fully aware and ok with any religious differences you have with them, it’s no one else’s business what you do with your life. I fully understand wanting to please your parents, but my therapist told me years ago I’ll never make my mom happy living the life I live because it goes against her religion so I should just stop trying to live up to her expectations. It was hard to hear and harder to do, but setting firm boundaries are a must. My mom tried to disown me after I dyed my hair black in college and didn’t ask/tell her. She sent me a whole letter in the actual mail saying she would stay out of my life since clearly that’s what I wanted….However my mom is a serial manipulator. Your parents may not be the same, but if their love for you is truly unconditional, they’ll get over it. And if they don’t- do you really want people who love you conditionally in your life?
No they didn’t threaten me physically, they were referring to themselves ending up in the hospital due to the shock from me going ahead with this wedding. I’m in my mid 20s and no I don’t live with them. I’ve been close to them all my life but marrying outside the religion is a dealbreaker for them. I feel so hopeless and broken
Yeah, that’s emotional abuse. Not okay for them to do that. This is your life, and you need to end the cycle. It’s never easy, but you can do it, and it starts with love.
Is religion the only reason? Not questioning, just clarifying. Have they met your partner?
Wow. That must be so hard. I’m sorry. I don’t have any great advice on how to change their minds. The only thing I would hope is that they see through their arguments to understand that your partner makes you happy and that’s all a parent can wish for their child in love.
Relationships are so complicated and hard, to find someone who makes you feel safe is quite special.
Thank you all - really appreciate these comments.