My marriage is struggling and we have to pack up the kids and fake it till we make it with my in laws for most of their Christmas break. I don't want a divorce but things are not good, and it's hard to pretend they are even in front of the kids. Looking for advice I guess, or just a kind word. Really don't want the in-laws finding out and trying to put their two cents in, and neither does she.

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Every marriage has its ups and downs. The older I get (I’m nearly 40 now), the more I’m convinced that there’s no such thing as a perfect marriage and the ones that make it only do so because both sides commit to it everyday. You’re going through a rough patch. Things will get easier and better. There will be better days again.

(Also, sorry things are so hard right now.)

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I’m so sorry. And I’m in a similar boat. Give yourselves grace & take breaks as much as possible. You’re not alone.

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Lots of marriage struggle and they make it, so hopefully you guys will find a path forward. In the meantime, maybe talk to your spouse and ask if you guys can ignore/set aside your issues for the time you’re there for both of your sanities and then just tackle them head on when you’re back? You guys can set up a safe word to ask for space even, a word that would be innocuous enough but noticeable for the other person to know that you’re asking for a break.

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Check with your organization to see if they have an eap program and get set up with a counselor

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Practice treating each other with patience, kindness, and respect. A lot in my marriage changed when we stopped inadvertently taking out our frustrations on each other with the way we interacted.

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