Ok question for the men because I want to know if I’m in the wrong. My boyfriend and I intended to watch Toy Story 5 (yes don’t judge) in movie theaters this weekend. We had not set a date for it but we spend every day together anyways. Plus, his family is coming into town. Anyways, I was with a friend tonight for a few drinks and he asked if I wanted to go to the movies. I said let’s do another day as I am with my friend. MORE IN COMMENTS

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Your boyfriend went to watch a movie yall said youd watch together by himself? Id be mad af.

- a guy

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He proceeds to go by himself to watch some screening, which is totally fine by me. But then he stays and watches Toy Story on his own. I tell him I’m disheartened and not happy and he says I’m trying to control his schedule and should be happy he had a nice night. Am i dumb for being upset?

I’d be upset too if you truly had plans to watch it together

Hard to tell based on the details but it doesn’t sound like you guys made any solid plans. Did you commit to a day to go see the movie or make any kind of actual plan? If you did, then he is in the wrong. If you were both non-committal about wanting to go see it together, he could have been valid but it would have been more courteous to ask if you wanted to go with him to see that movie in particular

I’d definitely be annoyed/irritated too and it highlights a communication breakdown that happened between you two here. I’ve experienced similar with my husband.

He values being able to be his own person and do things he wants when he wants to do them. I value transparency, clear communication, and our quality time together. If we both casually say we want to do something (the same thing) at some point and he decides in a moment that he wants to do that thing, his first thought isn’t to let me know he’s going to do it. He would rather just go ahead and do it. Obviously this is annoying and I expressed that when he does that, it makes me feel like he doesn’t think or care about me.

He said that to him it feels like he is asking for permission to do things if he has to tell me every time he’s going to do something. I expressed that he can do whatever he wants but when he excludes me from things he knows I’m interested in and doesn’t tell me until after it’s done, it’s quite hurtful to me. I value having a partner who is thoughtful and at least communicates when he wants to prioritize his desires. He was prioritizing independence and he should sometimes but it hurts when you’re not even a consideration.

I’d be mad

You were aloof and non-commital and he is in the wrong for carrying on? Negotiate an actual time, confirm it with your partner, buy the tickets ahead of time and make it happen.

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