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I would just repeatedly say during your check ins to keep you posted on what they need and how you can support them. Make clear that you value them and no need for them to share what’s going on, but you are here to offer support - if that comes in the form of taking a few sick days off, working remote for a bit, just to let you know and you’ll do what you can to accommodate.
Subject Expert
Be careful what you ask, because depending on the nature of what’s going on, there’s no obligation on the part of your employee to tell you. You can be very well intentioned, but sometimes they want to keep it close to their chest for any number of reasons. If it’s confidential in nature and not something the employer can legally dig into, you could get yourself in trouble.
It’s so hard. It largely depends on the nature of your relationship- but I would normally take the person for a coffee or a walk or any opportunity to be out of the workplace and just ask “ is everything ok, I’ve noticed that you’re not yourself recently”. Sometimes that’s all they need and the floodgates open; if they don’t tell you straightaway then you’ll know by their reaction whether it’s appropriate to say your door is always open kind of a response or to expect a resignation letter 😬
I often recommend that managers take their team member out for coffee or lunch. Getting the team member out of the office into a more personal setting will help them relax and open the door to letting you know what is going on. Do not start by drilling in. Just have a relaxing conversation and as things are going well, you can mention that you are concerned for the well-being of your team member and that you are there if they want to speak about it. At the end of the day we are human beings and we need a personal touch. I have seen this offsite method work many times. Good luck.
Just let them know that you’re available to talk if they need it, and let them know that you’re here to support them and if they can share the kind of support that they need, you would be more than happy to support them in that way.
I think there’s a risk and asking them what the specific issue is, especially if it’s something they didn’t wanna talk about or if they are a private person.
When I’m going through something, I know that I don’t like to share, but I do like to know that there are people there to support me.
Does your ER department have employee assistance initiatives such as 6 free counciling sessions or any resources? Maybe they need a LoA. There are ways to tell them what the company has to offer if they need anything without asking them for the particulars.
Open up the door for them to share by asking how they are doing and what is on their mind. If you can tell they are struggling but don’t have any negative outcomes to discuss, make sure your whole team knows how to access the EAP.
If you need to have a conversation about their performance, you should always be able to say that there has been a negative change that you are seeing… then discuss why that may be and what to do about it. If you just feel like something is wrong but have no negative outcomes to tie that feeling back to… keep an eye on it, and be open to the idea that maybe you’re making a problem out of nothing.
It is one thing to help, it is another to overstep. Ensure they know how to get help if they need it, but don’t make it a problem unless there actually is one…and definitely be careful with communication. Pose it as a question, not an assertion that they are struggling. Understand that legally they don’t need to disclose certain things with you. - but if they aren’t doing what they’re expected to do, you need to have a conversation at least around that.
As someone who has been in both shoes, I think your approach depends on the level of trust you’ve built together.
As a manager, offering your support is a fine approach. Unless there is an impact to the employee’s deadlines, work performance, or team morale, then allow them to disclose or not at their discretion. You can provide any information on company resources like EPA or encourage them to use their time off if they aren’t taking advantage of these opportunities.
As an employee in that position, having my manager inquire multiple times after I’ve expressed I am not comfortable sharing…it felt like my boundaries were being pushed. I didn’t want it to get to a point where my work relationship with my manager was affected.
I do feel it’s an employee’s responsibility to be present at work. Not to discount their struggles, but if your employee doesn’t want to take you up on your offer of support, then they have to manage their attitude and professionalism.
It’s really great that you’re very aware of your employees lives. Emotional intelligence and empathy are undervalued management skills. Good luck with your situation!👍🏼