Please, anyone in my position?

My partner doesn't support my work. I'm SDR with a tech company. I am the bread winner working less hrs than him and bloody love my job . I also get to travel international maybe 3/4 a yr. Husband cant cope and the house falls to ruins. His family gets involved and tells my children 13,12 and 5 that mummy's job isn't a real job because it's in sales and I work from home. I have no support from them and I'm up for a promotion which would be amazing to take on.

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Sounds like your partner and you need marital counseling he seems to foster some resentment that you are the bread winner, he needs to step up to the plate and chip in not balk just because he feels you as the woman should be keeping house, and his family needs to stay out of it

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You love being an SDR….?

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SDR is a great starting point but it’s just a stepping stone to AE or somewhere up!

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So, you're the primary bread winner, but he belittles and refuses to support the fact that you're a hard worker who is good at her job? I'm sorry, this is so wrong on so many levels. Given the ages of your children, I assume you've been married for a while, so I would guess walking away isn't your ideal next step. At the very least, I'd request that your husband attend marriage counseling so that these issues can be worked out. If you do this, and he refuses, then I'm sorry to say that if it were me, I'd consider filing for divorce. Let him figure out how to support the family without you.

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Eek. Don’t divorce. That’s a lot to throw away. Your marriage should always come first.

Your husband needs to feel like a man. And you need to treat your marriage and big life changes like this promotion like a sale to him. Get him on board. In sales you lay it all out for the customer, show him what you could pay off, what you could purchase and what it would “cost” the family to get these things. Seems like your husband values your time more than the money. That right there is something that is more valuable than money.

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Update, we spoke and he's now gone quiet and cold on me. I'm going to Vegas in a few days and he's not happy even though it's been on the books for a good few months. He said I need the house clean and his work shirts ironed.

Then instigated sexy times . Honestly I think someone has cloned him and replaced him with an assehole. Also I'm only allowed about $300 dollars spending money. We do not have a joint bank account and he asked for my banking details.

I wasn't allowed a cleaner because I work from home, so the house should be spotless. Prick!

He's now looking at other living accommodation because I'm no one's slave. I'm going to sell the house, it's in my name. And by something that suits me and my kids.

He can f*CK off! I'd rather be alone and happy than stay in that shit show another second.

Thanks all for your comments and support.

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Girl do it!!!!!!

You have a husband problem. I suspect whatever job you had besides being a SAHM would be criticized by his family and him.

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4 days*

My husband was like this. He wanted the money but also wanted me to be a stay at home mom and my travel would make him really angry.

My pulse raises just thinking about all the shitty things he did to sabotage me and make it all more difficult for me.

I left him 15 years ago and he's doing the same thing to another woman.

I think he is what's called an insecure narcissist. I've never regretted leaving. My 2 kids were very young, 3 and 6, and now they realize it was a gift that I got them away from him.

I can't tell you what to do, but can suggest that you ask yourself how long do you want to live like that? Is it even good for your kids to witness his abuse of you (or at very least his extreme selfishness)? He won't get help. He'll never miraculously change.
You can take care of your kids, pay the bills, etc more easily without him!

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You make more than him and love your job and him/fam think you don't have a real job?! What does your husband do by the way? This is insane in every way. It would still be hurtful if you were a cashier but at least that would be true that it's not a real job but this is just flat out untrue...what are they going to say when you're making $200k as an AE?! I see people recommending counseling but I don't know how that would completely change the personality and attitude of a narcissist.

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I should have anticipated you two. I don't mean it's not a real job because of the exact function. I consider something to be a real job if it gives you the ability to actually live. If you can support yourself or potentially a child, then that's a real job. Also, I get that some cashiers at Costco for example have a decent wage. Although outliers, yes bad example of saying cashier. I'll correct it to working at dairy queen.

Whatever your job is, it’s his job as a partner to support you. It’s your internal equation if you are ok with him working or not, we as outsiders are no one to comment.

But, he has to contribute in other ways. If women can be home makers while men earned in the past, eventually women started juggling, multi tasking home and work still had a grip on everything. WHY, can’t he adult up and help you instead of whining to his family (clearly spoiled him); Cause end of the day, that home he is living in, the food on his plate and cozy bed he is sleeping on has a lot to do with your so called “imaginary” job.

His fragile ego is what’s blocking him from seeking help, he knows he is wrong and is avoiding truth. You are being emotionally manipulated and this can eventually lead to an outburst someday cause hey you are human too and have a heart/soul to feed. Toxicity can’t last forever.

Stand your ground and ask him to fix his shitty attitude or take a break so he knows you are serious… Either he is respectful to you & acts like a responsible adult or he isn’t worth keeping, no amount of time spent can justify the abuse.

Don’t teach your kids it’s ok to settle for less. I come from a dysfunctional family and trust me even if you don’t teach, kids tend to absorb from their surroundings. You are doing them a favor standing your ground, you will teach them to fight for their honor and their beliefs.

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He and his family sound like people that are not pleasant to be around with. The belittling part is a huge red flag.

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Dump his ass haha

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Is this something you really need advice on? We’re all going to tell you what you already know.

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Take the promotion.

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The audacity! To also involve your kids and manipulate the way they think about you and your worth by saying that is just unforgivable. He needs therapy. The problem is not you or your position, it's him. So sorry

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Oh my gosh, that is a tough position to be in! I wouldn't say that my partner fully supports my work either, or looks at it as a *real* job, even though it's what I love to do and I believe I'm good at it. It sounds like you're kind of in the same boat. I suggest reading "You Are a Badass at Making Money" to get the confidence you need to forge ahead, and take that promotion! If your husband can't deal with it, then maybe he should get a job or learn how to give you some support! I'm so sorry you are dealing with all of that, but if you love your job then I hope you will continue on your path towards success and happiness :) Good luck!

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I will have a look at that, thanks. Sometimes I think I'd be happier in my own lol

Yikes, your husband needs to realize he is in a good position and work with you, not against. Y’all need counseling

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I just want to say, I am so sorry to hear this. I have certainly been there and it is not an easy position to be in. I can't tell you what to do because ultimately you are the only one who can decide what is best. But hang in there.

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I’m sorry to learn about your situation.

100% get into Councling now. He is not being a partner and it does sound as though he is harboring some resentment and certainly lack of appreciation. Possibly he is depressed and is unaware?

I was in your situation when my kids where 4 and 6. We tried counseling, and for us it didn’t work because my ex was simply to self absorbed and still is to this day.

It’s worth the fight for your family. If it doesn’t work, you can know that you tried your best and move on.

All the best 💕

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So sorry to hear that. Your success is being hindered by someone who is insecure and is the father of your children. I know this is just a post to vent, but stand by your principles because I know that your job means a lot to you and it is feeding your family. Stick with it but tell him he is wrong!

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That is emotional abuse. I would recommend individual therapy so that he can understand that, or couple's therapy. But you absolutely should not made to feel this way. He clearly has some issues to work out.

Find a better man

This is supposed to be a problem that you two should be talking in person. Your husband needs counselling. If this is all true, he's insecure. This bowl can only do so much. You have two have to talk it out in pprivate.

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