Realizing if we have a second kiddo, our daycare bill will be close to $40k a year. We live in a lower cost of living city and go to a nice daycare, but there are plenty that are way more expensive. We both have good jobs with what we consider to be high paying salaries for our early 30s.

How do people afford this? Absolutely insane.

The answer is the simple one. People in your financial position just suck it up and remind themselves it’s a temporary expense until elementary school starts (if you aren’t planning for private school). People who can’t afford it have one parent stay home, or have grandparent help, or work part time with nanny help.

Everybody has to make their own choices based on ranking priorities. We wanted a big family (5 kids). To make it happen, only one of us works while the other stays home and takes care of, and home schools, the kids. That meant we had to choose not to live in or even very near a large city because costs are way too high. It also means we don't drive new cars or have big new house. For us, it has been completely worth it.

My Daughter and her fiance just went through this ordeal. I explained that when she was a baby, my solution was this: Dad and I worked opposite schedules. It sucked for a long bit but we couldn't find affordable childcare to where I wouldn't be working solely to pay for a good day care. So we did the baby swap in the parking lot of my workplace. He'd pick our daughter up as I was headed in for my 9-5, and when I would get home, we had a few hours together before he had to head off to nap to be up and to work by 2 am. We did that for about 2 years until our situation changed. It is working for our Daughter and SIL now with their 5 month old baby- my daughter works evenings and SIL works mornings to afternoons. Sometimes the best solution isn't the easiest/ convenient but when you choose to have children, you learn to be creative in unconventional ways to make ends meet until your situation improves in one way or another.

If your spose makes way more than 40k, say > 100k and she wants to work- suck it up. If less than that - stay at home. It's way more fulfilling than letting some strangers raise your kids

My kids are in college now (another financial story) but if I had to do it over again I would really try to just have one of us stay home. Sure it would have meant some sacrifices but I think we could have done it.
We started with my wife working from home, then she started bringing in a baby sitter, then eventually daycare/preschool. It was especially hard on one kid and I'll always feel bad about that.
I remember my wife being worried about her tech skills if she didn't work, but the tool she specialized in lost popularity anyway and she just pivoted, plus she could have done some contract work instead of a FT job and kept skills up. In fact I have a coworker who took 15 years off for 4 kids, now she's back to work as an IT project manager doing fine.
Anyway my 2 cents. Really do the analysis and see if you can make it work. You'll never regret the time spent with your kids, influencing them, instead of letting a stranger do it.

Kids are a blessing, and frustrating at times. We made a choice to live on one income. My wife stayed home, and does to this day. It's been a true blessing to our family. We make choices and drive older cars and scrimp. But perhaps save 40 k in daycare, stay home. And if you still need income, other need daycare aswell. Be picky, and take 1 or two. We occassionally watched other kids.

I work; she stays at home, raises the kids, cooks, cleans, etc. Living on one income is way easier and cheaper, and no, I don't make tons of money. I live within our means, DIY what I can, and pay for what I can't.

i have 5 kids.. Moved to NJ before we even had the 1st.. and then to FL.. #theend

You see why we only had one.

Have you been thinking to use AUPER, bring an international student to be a nanny and can be lower price than have to take to a daycare?

Be sure to maximize HSA/FSA benefits at work- you'll get the tax benefits obviously but also if either parent has an employer to match those contributions that brings down your out of pocket cost as well. I was in the same boat when my girls were younger, and due to living in an era that is a bit behind on after school programs etc, I paid over $1,000 a month just for before and after school programs for early elementary years as well. Also depending on your daycare's policies my spouse and I used to get strategic in the summer with vacations, grandparent visits to miss a full week each month in the summer which was the max allowed to bring down that cost.

That is why we stuck to only one kid. They are expensive

It's painful but temporary. We have 4 kids and spent several years with 3 in daycare. When they go to school it feels like the biggest raise of your life. I'm glad we both stayed in the workforce bc honestly the daycare phase is over very quickly.

It doesn't get cheaper if you are going to send to private school. At least daycare can save you on taxes. But, really just take a moment and assess your priorities. Will you regret not having a second kid?

Homeschool and teach your own kids

When my wife had our 2nd she decided to stay home and build her own business at her own pace. We buckled down and used the money we would have spent on childcare to create a savings for the kid's future. After 4 years it's proven to be the best risk we've taken as a family.

I support universal childcare, or at least taxing corporations to help pay for the childcare of their employees. In the '50s, that idyllic time that the current administration says they want to return to, anyone making over a certain amount paid almost 90% in taxes. Imagine that.
That's when we were building and maintaining public infrastructures like our highway system, bridges, dams--some of these are now very outdated because we lowered the taxes on the rich. It's all in your economics and history classes, though most folks don't delve into it that much.
We have allowed the creation of a system where we have billionaires instead of families, and people who don't understand that living in a community means you support ALL members of the community, not just yourselves. The culture of "rugged individualism" will kill us, and we need to look at community support as species preservation.
Most everyone won't read all this, and those that skim it will probably dissent the loudest, so let me just hush you preemptively. If you don't want to support your community, build your crappy "fortress of solitude" and see how long you last. We won't miss you.

In the meantime, I support home care centers, but you need to do your research on each one. Use your support group and maybe switch off days of caring for children. Talk to HR and find out if your benefits include any parental support. Also, call your local 211 and see if there are other services for parents. It's doable, and there is support out there. You've got this.

I live in LA and at the height of my daycare costs all three of my kids were in daycare at the same time and I was paying less than 30k annually. Our children have been at an in-home daycare.

Literally think about this everyday!

We pay $50K for two… sounds like a discount

Some people look for a supplemental source of income, either a second job or a business opportunity … salaries aren’t enough these days.

If one of your employers offers a Flexible Spending Account, take advantage of it. FSA takes a set amount out of your paycheck monthly (pre-tax) and you can use that money to reimburse yourself for childcare and/or medical expenses. This puts you in a lower tax bracket. The downside is that if you don't spend all of the funds taken out, you lose it. But for daycare, especially what you're paying, you'd definitely use it all. Another down side is there is a limit to how much you can actually invest (mine for medical expenses is only $3300/year). It won't solve the problem completely, but it helps.