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So I have a parent who traveled 90% of the time during my childhood, but I it actually shaped a large part of my identity in a positive way. I learned how to value independence and took on more responsibility for taking care of my mom at a younger age. I still maintain a close relationship with both parents, but inevitably I am closer to my mom (i.e. I will call her first for life events). Of course every situation is very different and it takes a lot of effort to make long distance parenting work. Here’s what my situation was like:
When I was in elementary school, my dad took up a post in Asia and has stayed there to this day (12+ years). I was very close to my dad so it was difficult for me to understand why he continued to work overseas. Since I’d only see him for 2-4 times a yea, I developed various coping mechanisms to deal with his absence. I even got “too good” at coping with his absence and felt guilty when I did not want to Skype with him. It got much easier in high school and college. I began to truly recognize the sacrifice he made, living on his own to provide a better living for us. It was also a good time for my parents marriage as they became more cordial and fought less since we didn’t have much time to spend together.
I think what made long distance parenting work was that my mom and dad had very distinct roles when it came to raising me-my mom would take care of all school/extracurricular items and my dad would act as a cheerleader, supporting all my moms efforts and encouraging me to think big for myself. Whenever we did spend time together, we truly cherished each moment and made the most of it. I got used to celebrating all holidays and birthdays “late” or “early” but I recognized that the dates were arbitrary. For me, being together at some point mattered more than being there at a certain time.
So, whether you’re on the kid side or you’re a parent, I think you can definitely make it work if you travel a lot. The key is to be proactive about finding more time and being truly present when you are together with your family. Kids are more resilient than we expect.
I did, but I had only one parent. Understood that she was single mom (dad passed young) and had to make money so we could survive but I do have some resentment. I won’t ever tell her that or say it out loud but PTA meetings, Birthdays, plays, etc. sucked knowing no one was coming for me and I can’t ever get that time back. I guess it may have been different if there was another parent present
My parents traveled all the time for work. When I was middle school, my mom would travel for up to 3 weeks at a time, come home for a week, then travel again. It was extremely hard and there was a period of time where I barely spoke to her. As an adult now, I completely get why she sacrificed that and how it helped our family overall, but as a kid, I didn’t understand why she had to miss all those “important” games, recitals, etc.
My dad left for US when I was 5 years old. I didn’t see him till I was 16. Overall, I understand he didn’t really have choice because we were dirt poor and he wanted to provide for his family and give us the opportunity we would never get if we stayed in our old country. And I love him and respect him I bet it was harder on him. But it caused a real rift between our relationship. Now even if we are under the same roof, I can’t talk to him at all. We have no conversation. It’s almost like we are just strangers who have nothing in common and who don’t really know each other. If I could go back in time, I would tell him to not leave and I would rather have made my own path. I don’t have negative feelings, but the sad part is I just don’t have any feelings for him that I can express to him
... of them missing events, not helping with homework, other things? Or did things generally work out well for you?
Can’t imagine that with both parents but I have some friends who had one parent do it. Generally they felt positively about it, although that may be colored by the fact that they were well off financially
Following to see how our jobs are perceived from a child's point of view
Going to have a selection bias here. People who had bad childhood experiences due to parents traveling are less likely to do the same to their kids. Obviously not always true, but there is likely a bias in this group of people who choose to travel for work.