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Faced this weird behaviour from Optum recently. Gave interview for Data Scientist position. HR said feedback is positive. Asked for documents. It's been month now since I have shared the documents. I have no update on the offer. Today I called HR, she called me back saying the position is on hold due to recalibration in team, She has shared interview feedbacks to other teams and will get back to me in couple of days. I am clueless now. My last working day is approaching (In a month). Any Help??
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All professionals should extend professional courtesies to all professionals...irrespective of gender.
If you hold the door for a lady, why would you let it slam on a guy?
Be an equal opportunity nice person
Well said!
General rules of etiquette that I live by in the workplace...
1. Hold doors for anyone if they’re within 15-20 feet.
2. If I’m closest to the elevator (either getting on or off) I’ll stick my arm out and hold the door for everyone to get on or off.
3. Never comment on anyone’s appearance (unless it’s something easily fixable like food in the teeth).
4. No compliments unless it’s about their work product.
5. Offer to walk a female coworker to her car if it’s late and we’re on friendly enough terms.
6. Handshakes only. Unless it’s a friend that I haven’t seen in a while and it’s understood that a hug is the way to go. Otherwise, nobody wants to be touched and squeezed by a colleague.
7. Finally, interact with EVERYONE as if my mom is watching or will hear what I said/wrote.
So I think it’s basically just keep your hands and thoughts to yourself and treat everyone like you would want your mom/sister/dad/significant other to be treated in the workplace.
Re: luggage. Are you only asking women if they need assistance with their luggage? If so, ask yourself why? Why are you asking women if they need assistance with luggage?
I, as a woman, am quite capable in lifting, moving, and managing my own luggage. If there is nothing obvious that would give you the perception that I would need help (height of loading bin, hands full, broken arm, etc.) why else would you think I couldn’t manage my luggage except because I’m a woman.
Yes there are folks that help everyone- men and women alike. I try to keep that in mind when men offer to help.
It’s interesting to me how many women are offended by these simple acts. To me it is more about deference and respect than any display of sexism or condescension. I know my wife can open the door - she is fully capable - but as the mother of my children I don’t think that she should have to. In my view women are amazing and should be revered and respected. Apologies if that’s anachronistic and wrong now.
Firstly, I would hope there's a difference in how you treat your spouse and how you treat your coworkers, and taking gender out of it, how you behave in the office vs how you behave in your personal life.
Secondly - the attitude expressed by BDO1 above that seems to be echoed here is kind of the case in point: "This makes me feel good and I don't think you should be offended by it, so you should just shut up and take it / I'm going to be passive aggressively resentful about you asking me to stop"... It kind of belies the supposed courtesy and respect motivating this behaviour, and I think that is what a lot of women respond to.
I will open my own damn door if you wanna take my architecture diagrams seriously. Honestly what I lose in turn for you opening a silly door is millions of dollars of professional credibility. Please let it slam in my face and take my work seriously. I’ll be forced to cut off all my hair and trans out in order to feed myself otherwise.
I hold the doors, tip my fedora, and say “m’lady”.
EUPHORIC
This is the longest post about something so simple...
I’m all for equality and think it should be broad and reciprocal (I will start putting the seat down when you agree to always put it up) but I was also brought up a certain way. I hold the door for just about everyone regardless of any gender, race, size, or other demographic you can come up with. It’s called manners...
Chivalry and courtesy should be extended to everyone - regardless of familiarity, gender, age, etc.
Just the standard southern gentleman playbook
Male fish I think we have received the message. Going forward I’ll continue to be chivalrous to my SO but every other woman can now do one
Treat men and women the same
Silly question: we should be kind to each other, regardless of gender.
A male colleague holds a door open for me, I hold the next door for him. Or hold the elevator. Or alternate picking up the tab (that our company or client is paying).
It’s a tough world. Let’s be good to each other.
What’s the question?
Your generation (making an assumption based on “consultant”) worries about so many small things. Do what feels right for you to feel like a good person. If it offends someone, as most people are offended these days by the smallest things, then let them tell you, don’t do it again for them and move on. Life is too short to care about offending every person on the face of the planet.
I think there’s a good line between chivalry vs respect. I expect a man to respect me as a colleague. I don’t like chivalry as it implies that I am supposed to be catered in some way.
For example, if I noticed a man was walking carrying heavy stuff, I would extend my hand out to hold the door. I would expect the same in return. But I don’t expect it if I’m clearly capable of opening a door on my own
Female here. I appreciate it if someone doesn’t let the door slam on me. There is a heavy, double set of doors entering our building and if a man grabs the first set of doors for me I try to make a point of grabbing the second set for him. (I do this often so that description probably just gave away my identity...). Anyway, I was raised to be aware of my surroundings, and to be helpful and polite. We all have a responsibility to be that for each other.
I don’t care about doors. I’ll open doors for anyone. Just don’t run to the door to get it for me. But more importantly, don’t put your hands on my lower back to guide me as I walk because it makes cringe and want to throw hands.
This thread 🤯
I help if asked or if there is clear need, regardless of the person or their identifying characteristics. Keeps it simple and unbiased
Chivalry has no place in the office. Outside of it, I’m going to indulge in the whole post modern equality thing and see how far it goes as an experiment until ultimately a majority of the population is upset and everybody dies alone the way it should be.
If “ladies first” to enter a building is chivalrous then yes am guilty of that.
As an Male 🐠 I say definitively yes. But I try to practice equal opportunity courtesy. Hold the door open for someone. Give them your seat. Generally... be more human. But I'm interested... Are female 🐠 offended automatically but courtesies?
As a woman, I don’t expect but do appreciate courtesies as long as they’re not delivered in a condescending or overly inefficient way. For example, I don’t need a male colleague to run to my side of the car to open my door (as I might expect my date to), but if the gesture is convenient and no fuss it’s always nice and welcomed.
I do see a small distinction though when the courtesy involves one party significantly inconveniencing themselves for the other’s benefit, e.g. walking in the rain to pull the car around, standing up where there is a lack of seats, etc. I do get a bit miffed when men don’t do these things, but maybe that’s because I’m usually wearing high heels. Would love to know if others feel similarly or see the same distinction!
I'm just a fan of being polite to everyone, period. I think it's good policy to be considerate of others.
It’s sweet and appreciated, but not necessary.
Grew up in the South and was taught todo those things like wait in an elevator, hold doors, get the car, etc. went to a project in SF and the M was so confused but understood it wasn’t sexist it was just how I was raised and where I’m from