Thinking about breaking up with my girlfriend of 4 years, spending every waking four with her for 4 months has made me realize I don’t want this rest of my life, corona is also hitting me hard; should I tell her I’m having serious doubts now or wait until there’s a little more certainty, quarantining away from NY where we live

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I would have liked to know sooner rather than later.

likesmart

Remember that outside of quarantine people do not spend this much time with their significant others. When we go back to normal routine, you will get the much needed independence we all require.

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You should want to spend most of your time together. Even when my wife annoys me I still miss her. If you don’t have a strong foundation of enjoying time together it will only get worse with time. If things annoy you now wait until bills and kids and other stressors get in the way. Leave now. If you have doubts that person isn’t the one. that’s your gut telling you to run. I’ve never heard of a happy marriage where the person had doubts in the beginning

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My ex who I was with for 4.5 years broke up with me out of nowhere in may. It was tough trying to figure out our apt situation, but it eventually worked out. He was having the same thoughts as you. I would've appreciated him talking to me and us trying to work it out together, but I also understand we all deserve to be selfish in love. So do whatever you want to do man. If you decide to not talk it out like an adult, cause you don't see a point. Then just let her know why when you break the news.

Don't waste her time.

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Please elaborate on your misgivings, let’s see if we can diagnose the deeper issues

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Slowly bring up how you feel and talk it out like adults, you don't have to spend the rest of your life this way but a mutually beneficial and healthy relationship can be hard to come by

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As someone with limited context, it sounds like this is more about corona than her. But if the doubts are serious, discuss those doubts. And end if unresolved.

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OP doesn't want to hear anyone's thoughts. Dude already broke up with her 😂

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This!!! I was in a similar situation and dragged it on for several months before I just couldn’t take it anymore... now i have regrets not ending it sooner. Now I’m a single gal, still slightly unhappy but happier without him :)

likesmart

@OP, as someone in a 4.5 year relationship myself, I’d say talk it out again (with a counselor of necessary). What about the relationship are you not happy about?

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Why are you having doubts, & are they tied to the larger situation (ie, you haven’t figured out how to have independent lives while living on top of each other) or are they innate to your relationship (ie, you have different values and goals)?

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I was having these thoughts with girlfriend of 1 year. We talked it out, that i wasnt happy with how things were going (we were both pretty stressed at the time but i was having other doubts about wanting to continue at the time as well) and are still happily together and doing well like 2 months later. Every situation is unique but im glad we talked it out

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I also think id be pretty blindsided and upset if a 4 yr relationship was just cut off without there being discussions before, so could be less devastating if you at least have some hard conversations beforehand

likesmarthelpful

I had serious chat on November almost broke it off but wanted to see if we could be happier, not much changed then Covid hit and I thought would be good opportunity to see what it would be like, but was at her parents for 3 months, and was disappointed at her daily routine, but i was working 80 hrs a week lost a bunch of stocks and got depressed, so I sort of lost my mora high ground,aso pressured to sign lease in August so now I’m thinking I bring up chat again and see what loving together is like, but her knowing I’m having those thoughts again

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If you want to give her another chance, I think you need to sit down and talk to her and put stress on the fact that you are not as happy as expected and changes need to happen. If you think that she is not capable of changing, then break it off.

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Talk it out, maybe get some therapy for the 2 of you. If it doesn't work then go your own ways

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Different lifestyle expectations, she comes from money, wants big house nice cars, private school for future kids,multiple dogs 5 start hotels or bust; is more about comfort and luxury than adventure; I don’t hate that, but I want to travel affordable, don’t need super nice things to be happy; value flexibility and experiences over things

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Yeah if she can’t understand your POV and meet halfway then you will grow to resent her whatever the issue is.

I don’t think you should spend every day with ANYONE... are you guys taking some time apart at all?! Try to be realistic. Unless there’s some grand realization that happened I’d try not to spend every day together and see how it plays out.

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I care about her happiness almost more than my own, I just don’t think relationship is making me ahppy

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What do you love about her? What needs of yours aren’t being met?

From your comment above I wonder if you’re conflating situational depression (pandemic, professional setbacks, you lost money and momentum) with the relationship itself.

If pre-COVID you outlined some timeline on which you both wanted to make some changes and improve, then COVID happened, is it fair to either of you to expect the same timeline and improvements when basically every other variable has changed and made things harder on you?

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F

Rip the band aid off!

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